Thursday, June 12, 2014

Who's Your A-Hole? We're Your A-Hole!

At what point did we become a nation of assholes? Was it about the time that the conservatives lost their precious Reagan to term limits and dementia? Was it when the internet comment section was invented? Was it when Fox News debuted? Was it when a bunch of slave owners said all men are created equal?

This last two weeks has been such an exercise in American Assholery it's really hard to know why anybody in the world doesn't sit at home watching 9/11 videos and laugh hysterically.

Rick Perry. Rick Perry is riding out his term governing America's asshole, Texas. Rick Perry (who doesnt refer to Rick Perry as Rick Perry no matter what?) is running for President in 2016. Ya know how I know? Cuz he wears fake glasses now so he can look all book learned and won't say oops anymore when he's asked to count to 3. Besides, he's a Texan. Everybody in Texas is an asshole except maybe the pussies from Austin, and they all want to be President of the country they hate.

Rick Perry went out to that haven of fabulousness, San Francisco, to talk to the Commonwealth Club, who I assume likes to invite all IQ's to make its speaker list diverse. Rick Perry disappointed nobody by answering a loaded question about medical disorders by belting out a " I may have the genetic coding that I'm inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire to not do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way". OK Rick Perry. Thanks for admitting it finally. I knew that fucking lamebrain was hiding something. Christ, at least he has gotten to the genetic thing and away from that Bible bullshit.

The two assholes in Las Vegas. Nameless Cliven Bundy supporters. The people who have made the Gadsden Flag the symbol it's been to me ever since I saw that tri corn hatted drunk waving it a a Tea Party Rally 5 years ago. The same as the swastika. Or the Confederate Flag.

The assholes who have threatened the life of the Dad of a kid who was held for five years by another group of assholes, the Taliban. What the fuck is the matter with you people? Do you do everything the assholes at Fox News tell you to do?

And now The World Cup. We believe that we can win? Really? Only in the USA do people think the USA has a chance to win the World Cup. You do realize the World Cup is soccer, right? It's not even hockey, which we suck at too. It's soccer. Only an American asshole would even pretend something so absurd. It's just about as improbable as an asshole House Majority Leader losing a Republican primary to an even bigger asshole named after a sausage.

Impossible, right?

And oh yeah, stop being assholes.

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