Saturday, June 14, 2014
Hags And Skanks!
Iowa lies right across the river from me. Iowa has always been a sane sort of state. Yeah I know they've sent that bumpkin, Chuck Grassley, to the US Senate since Lewis & Clark were kids and keep electing that mustachioed balloon head, Terry Branstad, to the Governor's mansion. But they've also sent Tom Harkin to the US Senate since Terry Branstad had his first stoner 'stache too. Iowans, except for the genetic Republicans who permeate the Western part of the state, are a fairly reasonable race.
Tom Harkin has had enough of Mitch McConnell and his ilk and is quitting, opening Iowa's sane Senate seat for competition. Enter one Joni Ernst. Joni Ernst. She is one of those genetic Republicans from Red Oak, Iowa and has won the Republican primary to go to DC as Iowa's Junior Senator. She's also a kook.
Joni Ernst caused a nationwide Tea Party boner when she told everyone she used to castrate hogs and was gonna castrate Obama or something like that. Then she started running ads where she points guns at the camera, squints and fires away at imaginary minorities or something like that. Joni Ernst believes in "free market alternatives" to the evil Obamacare which of course means she thinks uninsured people should just volunteer as target practice for her Iowa National Guard units. Joni Ernst thinks Iraq had WMD's, or maybe not, or yeah they did, once, somewhere and that's why the fucked up Iraq War was really cool. Joni Ernst doesn't much like the gays affecting her 21 year marriage to a blockheaded double dipping ex Army Ranger named Gail either. Damn, she can't even sleep at night thinking how some gays might be in love and how much that ruins her relationship with Sgt.Rock. Pass that federal constitutional amendment that balances the budget and bans the gays from fucking her inner psyche up.
Joni Ernst's marriage is rock fucking solid. Gail, the ex-Ranger is one macho dude. Damn near as macho as the gun totin hog castratin' bike ridin' Joni herself. Gail has lot to live up to since he's one of those retired types so he has taken to Facebook to show what a tough guy he still is. Facebook? Really, Gail Ernst? You know that Zuckerberg is one of those, you know, pussy smart guys, right?
Gail Ernst isn't gonna take any shit from a fucking woman. No sirree Bob. Fuck them and their crying and emotional bullshit. Kill Kill Kill! Like his woman-man Joni!
Joni Ernst says Gail Ernst has a big fucking mouth. She has condemned Gail's woman hating screeds on that there Facebook. You know, where he called Hillary a "lying hag". Or where he called Janet Napolitano a "traitorous skank". Or the funny funny joke where he says if you find your ex all bloody and running around your yard screaming to just stay calm, reload, and try again. Haaaaaaaaa!
Joni Ernst said "I do" to a guy who thinks Janet Napolitano is actually hording ammunition to keep him from getting any so he can shoot down that Obama drone he just knows is up there. Joni Ernst said "I do" to a guy who posts nothing but misogynistic bullshit on that Facebook and has 3 daughters with him. How proud they all must be.
But hey, Joni Ernst is appalled by Gail Ernst's taste in humor. Riiiiiiiiiight. Appalled he got caught. Because Joni Ernst is also one of those Agenda 21 crazy people who thinks the United Nations is coming to getcha and move ya to a big city where they can keep an eye on ya. Sorry I went all Sarah Palin there but when you talk about Agenda 21 nuts its only natural to go stupid.
I have no idea if Joni Ernst and her woman hating burrheaded double dipping husband will win in Iowa. Like I said, Iowans are a sane people. But the insane people are so convinced that the black guy in their White House is going to boil them in a pot and eat them or something they do vote. Oh how they vote. Small percentage equals nuts like Joni Ernst getting into office.
Please vote in November. Or Gail Ernst may just reload and try again.