He's Black? Black? Really? He's Black?

John McBush---" How dare Barak Obama play the race card? Did I mention he's black? B-L-A-C-K? I don't care that he's black but he's black. How can he keep saying that black stuff? It doesn't matter to us that he's black. How dare he be black. Putting the fact he's black right out there for everybody to see that he's black. How can he show us he's black every single day? I wouldn't ever mention the fact he's black if he didn't feel the need to show that he's black every minute of the day. He really should stop that whole black deal. Blahhhhhhhhhhck blahhhhhhhhhhck......."

Hola, Soy Estupido!!

Why is it at every whacko off the chart conservative rally where they get to think because they have red,white & blue somewhere on their body they are a better American than you there's always some old guy who dusts off his VFW cap, sticks it on his head, goes to the rally and thinks he can say anything he wants because some "nip" or "kraut" took a shot at him? Last night in Fremont, that's a nasty little town north of Omaha where they make Spam, a few thousand showed up at the local high school to debate whether illegals, translation: brown people, should be allowed in Fremont. Thanks to a courageous mayor, the goofy ordinance, which would have fined businesses, like the Spam plant, fined landlords, and generally outlawed the existence of Hispanics in Dodge County was defeated , much to the chagrin of the guy in the aforementioned hat, who was thrown out for standing up and telling opponents of the ordinance to "bring it on". Too much George Bush for that guy.

Whenever small town America decides to do something nutty like this, the small town brains who live in other places, like Omaha, decide to fuel up the F150 and drive up to the local burgh and attempt to throw in their two pesos, which usually consists of "what is it about illegal you don't understand?" followed by them leaning back and smirking like they oughta be writin for that Jay Leno fella. Oh, there was plenty of that up yonder, along with State Patrol, Omaha cops, Dodge County Sheriffs, and Fremont police to keep them from shootin up the place. But the Fremont City Council deadlocked at 4-4, which effectively killed the ordinance. However, a man named Skip Edwards, honorable mayor of Fremont, decided he would kill it deader than dead and voted against it also. He didn't have to vote at all. The issue was dead. But he voted anyway, and pissed of most of Fremont. To be fair, a lot of people gave the 69 year old $4800 a year mayor a standing ovation. To be even fairer, he needed a police escort home.

I can see both sides of this issue. I am conflicted on the issue. However, on some occasions you have to choose sides. You have to decide with whom you will stand. The bigots and the white supremacists and the gun nuts and the bad spellers (see above) all hate illegals and actually believe some American would actually make Spam for 6 bucks an hour. I can't stand with them. I can't take the I.Q. hit.

I've Been Hannitized!

There he is. The right wing talk show listener. Not typical, most of them are too lazy to do anything but talk loud, but you can bet your last Confederate dollar that this idiot sat around all day listening to El Rushbo, Hannity, O'Reilly and finishing up with a little Michael Weiner Savage.

Can you imagine if this maniac was a Muslim? Oh my Allah, the shiite would hit the fan. But he's a Christian. So he's just kooky. A lone wolf. A nutcase. A whackjob. A disturbed loner. You can't indict an entire religion because of one loser? Can you?

Eat Shiite And Get Really Sick Already!

Do you enter death pools? They seem so ghoulish and wrong and about the only thing I do believe in is karma. Coming my way, of course, not going the other way. So I enter death pools but really only hope the people get really sick and can't take part in their chosen profession any longer whether it be politics, war crimes, terrorism or being a big bully. Earlier this year I entered a death pool and named it Feel Good Dead People. I now take it back and rename it Feel Good Really Sick People. These 10 people deserve to get really sick and bedridden until they have a Lee Atwater-like conversion to decency. I am not confident.

10) O J Simpson- this guy needs to get really sick to the point his head falls off. The Heisman Trophy winner and former Bill needs to go extinct, much like the Heisman Trophy and the Bills.

9) Dick Cheney- Dr.Evil is a despicable politician and an even more despicable human being. He needs to get really sick to the point where somebody orders the Air Force to blow him out of the sky. Riiiiiight!

8) Osama Bin Laden- this one is so easy I am embarrassed I even put him on here. I actually do want him to die. Light that mangy beard on fire and turn off his dialysis machine already.

7) Aribert Heim- you probably have no idea who this creep is. He is a 94 year old Nazi war criminal living in Chile with his daughter for chrissakes. How hard can it be to go make this putz get really sick? A long time ago he liked to inject gasoline directly into the hearts of Jews and see if they got good mileage or something. I know the Mossad is pretty busy, but how much can it cost to make a side trip to Chile for some R&R and give this schmuck a free fill up?

6) Karl Rove- we all know this traitorous perjurer is the man responsible for every crime committed by this putrid administration since 2001. This dork needs to get really sick and make a trip to The Hague to take over Slobadan Milosevic's old cell.

5) Vince McMahon- this guy is so roided out both physically and ethically, for him to take a real life pile driver would be fitting justice. He is responsible for more deaths of more young athletes
than Madonna. Maybe that old lady can pay Vince a visit soon. Just sing a little Borderline. It always made me pretty sick.

4) Ann Coulter- this bony babe is the fantasy chick of every young budding Nazi with one hand on the keyboard and the other one thrust straight out in front of them. Besides being bulimic, this smoking, drinking skank is a fraudulent voter registrant, anti-Semite, not funny and a close personal friend of that flathead Sean Hannity. Too stay as skinny as she is, she must already be really sick.

3) Bill O'Reilly- this bullying blowhard serial sexual harrasser needs for somebody to kick his Irish ass. That's the only thing 58 year old punks like him understand. So, please, somebody make him real sick right now. Take his phone away. That oughta do it.

2) Barry Bonds- oh what an endearing home run king the bald, zit backed, huge headed domestic abuser he is. This nasty man actually took the home run title from a guy who not only put up with racial hatred, but hit 755 homers at about 190 pounds. PumpkinHead, who once pushed a porn star girlfriend down a flight of stairs, and used his kid to shield himself from questioning about his fondness for "flax seed oil", needs to pay the price for soiling my favorite sport. Somebody stick a pin in his noggin and deflate him real soon.

1) Sayyid Muqtada al-Sadr- the Charlie Manson of Iraq is a royal pain in the ass. He is yet another leader getting by because of his old man. This guy was nothing but another George W Bush until his father was whacked by Saddam back in the late 90's. Then W, errrr, the mullah, gave up the video games and beer, and took over the old man's business, conning the morons. Al Sadr needs to get real sick soon, preferably a fight to the finish involving him and W and two kegs of Old Baghdad beer.

No Seriously, Just Ask Cindy!

While Barak Obama was speaking to a couple of hundred thousand Prussians in Berlin, the other guy was in Ohio ordering a gigantic wienerschnitzel or bragging or something. Can you believe this guy has a good chance to be The Man?

Ich Bin Ein Not McSame!!

200,000 Germans turned out to listen to Barak Obama speak in Berlin. That many Germans haven't gathered in one place to listen to a speaker since about 1938 or so. This time, instead of listening to some psycho rant and rave, I'm speaking Reagan in 1984 of course, they gathered to plead with the United States to elect this man President so they could like us again. It didn't matter what he said, it didn't matter what he didn't say, this was a plea to Americans to think about the rest of the world again. We like you folks, we hate your President. Please think about us a little bit when you vote this November. Show us you have moved beyond being afraid of your own shadow. Show us you've grown up and don't want political equivalents of mob thugs protecting you anymore. Show us you'll elect an adult to lead the free world and not some smirking frat boy or an old man with a get off my lawn temper. Show us you care about the rest of us and we'll help you out on that terrorism thing. Obama is that guy. He will show the rest of the globe that we Americans aren't scared of the boogie man anymore and will stop blowing up entire houses to kill a pesky gnat. He will get people to like us again. Who doesn't like being liked?

But my faith in Americans has always been skewered by where I live. Genetic Republican Land. The place where people driving rusty 1985 Ford Fiestas have W'04 bumper stickers still attached to the bumper held on by duct tape. So the rest of America needs to step up. Do what you did in 1992. Throw these bums out once and for all. I doubt it will happen but what other choice do we have? Keep the Audacity of Hope alive.

Stop Throwing That Ball Indoors, You'll Break Something!

Indoor baseball is like Hawaiian pizza. It's just not right. Why have the Twins played in this giant concrete Leggo contraption for the last 30 years? Oh yeah, they turned the old baseball stadium into a giant shopping mall . What the hell is going on up here? I loved the Minnesota Twins as a kid. When they moved into this gloomy basement I stopped caring so much. Then they named this round mound of cement after one of the greatest Americans ever, Hubert Humphrey. The last straw. This dome is awful. How can anybody watch anything in this prison? In fact, when the Twins move back outdoors in 2010, why not just turn this dungeon into the Minnesota State Prison and dump every degenerate in there to roam free. Even when the Vikings are playing. Who would notice?