I have warned you about this middle school smart ass for 6 years. Ben Sasse, author of the bestseller (lol) The Vanishing Adult, and Senator from Nebraska, cant help it. In his ongoing quest for attention and desire for a certain hip factor, the Nebraskan who fled Fremont at age 18 only to return 25 years later to establish legal residency so he could bamboozle the rubes into sending him back to DC where he lived anyway, the hilarious Ben Sasse (Runza Salesman-Ne) gave the commencement address to the class of 2020 at his alma mater, Fremont High School. And it was typical Sasse.
Either coming off a bender or auditioning for opening act on Open Mic night at the Giggling Goofball comedy club, Sasse began his address
"Congratulations, parents, teachers and coaches, not that there's really any meaningful distinction among those categories anymore at this point. If you're a parent, you're a teacher. Thanks a lot China. We're all teachers now."
Hahahahaha..........you teachers arent that great. You've been exposed as nobodies with work that anybody off the street could do. And China did it. I think he actually meant the Thank you to China.
Ben Chuckles Sasse continued
"Let's be honest, at the start of this, most parents thought we would be visionary math teachers, changing the world. But after about two weeks, we all decided to just default into gym teachers. I'm kidding -- my dad was a gym teacher. I'm serious."
Man my gut is busting here.......he basically stole the old Woody Allen joke about teachers who cant teach teach gym and he slammed his old man at the same time
He went on to tell the Class of 2020 that they were fat and lazy because they cant climb the rope in gym class like his generation could and how much more fit HIS contemporaries were than the current 18 year olds. Ben, please produce the tape of you climbing that rope. I know in my 1960s gym class that I made it up about 5 feet tops. And back then I wasnt all that fat and lazy. Prove it Ben.
Ben "Dr Phil" Sasse carried on
"There are a whole bunch of people who make a whole bunch of money by just trying to help other people forget high school. They're called psychologists. In fact, 95% of all gainfully employed psychologists -- and I'm serious, there are dozens of them that are gainfully employed -- their job is really just to help people forget high school."There will always be money to be made in psychology. No, that's a joke. Do not. If you're headed to college, do not, do not major in psychology. That part's not a joke."
Mental health? Bahhhhhhhhhhhh..........just get over it. This, I believe, was a direct appeal to his non mask wearing knuckle dragging male base. Talking about feelings? What kind of pansy ass does that? And its all a con game anyway. Getting beaten by your gym teacher Dad is just part of life.
Big Benny wasnt done
"You're gonna say stuff at your high school reunion service ceremonies, 'Remember that time that China started a big global pandemic that created the worst public health crisis in over a century and brought the economy to its knees and we had to stay at home and everybody was hoarding toilet paper and we all watched this documentary about some weirdo dude who raised tigers?'"Everybody named Jeremy is the worst."
Im tellin ya this funny guy has a future virtually no place but the United States Senate where he may get Chuck Grassley to cock his head in wonder or make Mike Lee piss his magic underwear. But really, his main reason in giving this landfill of a speech was to blame China in deference to his Dear Leader. China didnt "start" anything. The virus started there and came here much like viruses do. And whats with that weird Jeremy slam? I wish Jeremy Renner would fly to DC and kick your scrawny rope climbing ass.
But Slapstick Sasse wasnt done inspiring the 2020 Fremont High grads
"We will bring the economy back. We are going to beat the virus. We're going to have to have a serious reckoning with the thugs in China who let this mess spiral out of control by lying about it."
The thugs in China? A Republican playbook staple. Racism and the blame game. The Dear Leader Sasse secretly worships, the Human Delay Tactic in Chief, the guy who has presided over 90,000 plus American deaths and cared more about the Dow Jones than Steve and Sarah Jones, everyday Americans, is not to be blamed. China China China. A "serious reckoning"? Well short of war, we really have no "serious reckoning" we can impose on a foreign nation. The "serious reckoning" belongs here and Donald Trump is the one who chose to play golf, hold rallies and deny reality for two fucking months.
Sasse needs to pull his head out of Trumps ass and examine himself. Ben Sasse is indeed a clown, and a creepy one not a funny one.
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