Republicans Plans Unveiled!

RNC chairman Groucho Steele announces Republican ways to better the country they love so much more than everybody else.

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Whole Lotta Crazy Goin' On!

All right, it's CPAC time again and though I expect nothing as hideous as the sight of El Rushbo hopping up and down like last year, the events thus far are getting close. We had Dick Cheney, S&M dungeonmaster, getting his jollies by talking about torture yet again? Tim Pawlenty, 2012 GOP nominee, starting up the engines of future obscurity by humping the leg of crazies and making Elin Woods' references? Some wingnut named Jason Mattera making cocaine "jokes" about Obama? I wonder how the rehab enthusiast, Glenn Beck, feels about THAT guy? Mario Rubio, the straight guy running for the Florida Republican Senate nomination against Charlie H Crist, hammering Obama for using a teleprompter while using a, uhhhhhh, teleprompter? Jed Babbin, some Human Events (that still exists?) lackey, making jokes about a teabagger who flew into a IRS building and killed people? And there's more wacky things to come? I cannot wait.

But so far my favorite moment came from Ryan Sorba, a Young Americans For Freedom (that still exists?) dinosaur. Mr.Sorba, who seems to have a penchant for posing for pictures with no shirt on (what is it with the GOP and naked men all of a sudden?), strutted to the stage, chewing gum and looking all buff to impress the babes, and proceeded to rant about the inclusion of some organization called GOProud at the Nut Conference. GOProud is gay, and Republican. Mr.Sorba, author of a book questioning birth, hollered a lot and challenged booing crowd members to fights, and did a lot of pointing at his perceived enemies. Calm down there, tough guy. You got taken down by a bunch of lesbians at Smith College a while back so knock the Liddy stuff off.

I guess I should give some of CPACers credit for being able to recognize a swaggering bully and booing his ass off stage, but these are also the same people who invited the John Birch Society (now I really thought they didn't exist anymore) to attend. So I really can't.

This little incident raises so many questions in my mind. Should I really be more angry at a shirtless, pseudo hard ass like Sorba or be more angry at anybody who joins GOProud? What the hell are you idiots doing? All that's been proven is GOProuders can boo louder than the rest of the tin foil hatted attendees can cheer. Or maybe that nerdy GOProuders don't understand half the waterboarding enthusiasts who cheered Cheney and booed Bob Barr would go all Uganda on your asses if given the chance. Wake up GOProuders. They hate you. Sorba spoke when most of them were out in the lobby buying Ann Coulter calendars and masturbating to Jack Bauer highlight tapes.

Anyway, today's speakers include Glenn Beck and Joe The Plumber (he still exists?). It's just too bad that the CPACers won't get the hear the man they most want to listen to. That being Joe the Pilot (and thank goodness he doesn't exist any longer).

Johnny Be Bad!

Oh Johnny! You survived a plane crash or two. You got the shite beat out of you while captive back in Vietnam. You toughed it out when Karl Rove and his slime machine trashed you in 2000. You survived 3 months of that nitwit from the north you unleashed on the country. You made it through getting your ass handed to you by a political neophyte back in 2008. In other words, Johnny, you used to be one tough son of a bitch. But now, oh Johnny, you've been turned into a spineless little nancy boy by some corrupt ex-congressman who dares to take you on in a primary? What? Wha happened?

John McCain is running for re-election to the Senate this year in Arizona. He is being challenged by two folks who apparently have made Johnny shake in his orthopedics. J.D. Hayworth scares John McCain. Hayworth is a former House member who took so much money from Jack Abramoff, the sleazy lobbyist doing time in the big house, that the normally Republican district Hayworth used to eat buffets in threw his corrupt ass out of office. Hayworth lost a bunch of weight and went into a more corrupt field than politics, right wing talk radio. Can this guy hit the terrible trifecta and become an insurance company spokesman after McCain sends him back to Palookaville?

But Hayworth, radio guy after all , will do anything and whore with anybody for a buck and the teabaggers have the buck. Yeah, those nuts with the funny signs, the teabags hanging off their big hats, and the 1950's vision like ol' J.D. This despite the shady way Hayworth does business. Taking money from Jack Abramoff, paying his wife with PAC money, being named the biggest blowhard in Congress. This Limbaugh clone is everything wrong with politics.

But John McCain, the guy who spent years in a POW camp being tortured and maimed, is scared of this guy and his misfit followers? Well he must be because in the past few months, McCain has become for torture after he was against it, he's for gay marriage bans after he was against it, he's for Guantanamo after he was against it, he's against the environment before he was for it, he's for Bush's tax cuts before he was against it, he is against the bailout before he was for it. For the love of Meghan McCain, Johnny is spinning like a windmill.

Please, John. Get ahold of yourself. Hayworth and the teabaggers are a nuisance for sure, but compared to the Hanoi Hilton and a creep like Karl Rove, they are gnats buzzing your head. Slap yourself back to reality and kill that gnat. I know it's tough, the latest poll shows you in a razor-tight 53% to 31% race. It's that close! 53 to 31. Hayworth can taste the food at Dupont Circle already. 53 to 31! A 22 point lead, John? Are you really that big of a moral leper to give up your soul because of a band of racists and their blowhard cabana boy?

IQ Tests In! Polar Bears Smarter Than U.S.Senator!

Sometimes the choice of a catch word to describe an event is unfortunate. Global warming is such a catch word. It was the choice of this phrase to describe the obvious (see above) that has allowed really dumb people, and charlatans who appeal to dopes, to capitalize on this recent cold spell and snow barrage that has hit the nation. If I hear one more nitwit with a radio show or some cretin sitting next to me at work utter "so much for that global warming crap" I am going to start screaming something really nasty about James Imhofe knowing that not one of them will know who I'm talking about.

I am no scientist, or even all that bright, but when 95% of a bunch of folks with lots of PH D's and a grasp upon reality tell me that the earth is warming and show me pictures of melting ice caps and a rapidly browning Mt.Kilimanjaro I will tend to believe them. When an overweight radio blatherer or a brain-dead U.S.Senator, or anybody on Fox News disputes what 95% of a bunch of really intelligent folks conclude I no longer wonder why this nation is so full of "morans" (sic).

We all know why conservatives deny global warming. Money. Money. Money. Whether it will be dried up contributions to political hacks, or Ralph and Alice have to help pay to clean up what the human pigs have done, it's money. Laziness and money. It's so easy to do nothing, or be convinced that there is nothing you can do, and that's what these lying litterbugs are banking on. They alleviate guilt by telling Ed and Trixie they can't help and if they try it's all for nothing. So faggitaboudit. Don't contribute to Haiti, don't recycle, don't buy a hybrid, just sit back and self indulge.

These are frustrating times. Conservative talk radio and Fox News have made dimbulbs suddenly feel smart. These are the same people who in a recent CBS News poll said "Gay men and lesbians" should be allowed to serve in the military but balk when the word is changed to "homosexual". The same schmucks who think global warming means it'll never snow again. The same mouth breathers who deny the Holocaust, deny evolution, or deny a certain moose hunter from the north is retarded.

Global warming means the earth is getting warmer. That is undeniable. But it also means the highs are higher and the lows are lower. Kind of like when you deniers go off your meds.

Schol's Owt Four Sommer!

Looks like wherever Caribou Barbie goes, like Texas to campaign for Governor Secession Perry, the reetards follow. Little Trig has grown up so much.

When's That Purty Lady Talk?

The National Teabaggers, all 600 or so, met in Nashville to listen to speeches so outdated they would have fit well in the Old South. But as the Who sang yesterday "Meet the New South, same as the Old South" or something similar. If it wasn't Tom Tancredo calling for literacy tests to be able to vote, which would eliminate him and pretty much the rest of these buffoons, it was that nut Joe Farah, of World Net Daily obscurity, claiming there was more evidence of Jesus Christ's birth than Barack Obama's birth , or some Northern Retard asking how that hopey changey stuff was workin for ya.

These people are among the most pathetic dregs of humanity we have left in this nation. These are the remnants of the George Wallace movement of the late 60's. Completely white and pissed off they don't have the advantage to walk in and not be bothered by those pesky minorities any longer, they lash out at anyone they perceive as weaker than them because they lack the intelligence and courage to look up at the real culprits causing their lives to stagnate.

Enjoy the attention, teabaggers. Chrissakes, even that Minnesota lunatic, Michele Bachmann bailed out on your little hootenanny. The Alaska retard, notes written on her hand like a little kid, took you for $100 grand to give a little talk that made My Pet Goat sound like the Gettysburg Address. Don't you people have any respect for yourselves? Being grifted by people like Roy "Ten Commandments" Moore and the Retard From The North is really sad. I almost feel sorry for you.

However, it was a good choice to hold your little Klan rally in Nashville. I'm sure there was some great entertainment there you could see on your downtime. I hear that the devil plays a mean fiddle.

Who Dat Myass!

Considering the darlings of the media, The New Orleans Saints, tried to kill Brett Favre with cheap shots and late hits two weeks ago and still should have lost, I hope Peyton Manning and the Colts make Katrina seem like a desk fan when they light up this dirty team. Once an 'Aint, always an 'Aint.