Saturday, June 30, 2012

Oh Canada!

Now that the so called "Obamacare" has been upheld and unleashed the endless line of assholes and dicks to cry and wail about something they know nothing about, let's move onward and get to the real question. How many people will move to Canada to escape "socialized medicine"?

I am a firm believer in overhauling the entire fucked up health care system and I could do it in 5 minutes. Give me a giant black marker and I will cross out every reference to ages 62 or 65 in the existing Medicare bill and replace it with "at birth". There, it's fixed. How hard was that?

Oh no! Medicare for all? What the fuck is the matter with you, Max's Dad? Why that would mean we were all commies or socialists or rather, old. Yeah, the fossils who permeate the tea party rallies are already on the gravy train and goddammit, they don't want you horning in on their deal. You're poor, tough shit! You're young, we're jealous so fuck you too! All that bullshit that flies out of their creamed cornholes about looking out for their grandkids is so bogus. They care about themselves, and their ability to get you to pay for their healthcare. That's it! If everybody else gets in on their scam, well then it ceases to be a scam and then it's just moral. You know, moral, moral like back when the coloreds stayed away and the kids all had buzzcuts and fought in unnecessary wars against foreign coloreds. And moral when all that adultery and sex was hidden away and kept quiet. And you know moral, like back when the queers pretended they weren't and got married to Eves and just shut up about their weirdness. You know, moral, like back when women didn't work and lived unhappy unfulfilled lives as baby machines? And now, "Obamacare! The horrendous notion of government run healthcare (you know, like Medicare?) makes them want to jump into their bomb shelters. They knew when the blacks took over, all this free shit would be coming. So let's all vote for that white guy we all hate cuz he's a Mormon and he's a closeted moderate. He's white! And all that Planet Kobol stuff, and all that 180 degree whiplash Rombot suffers from, and all that bullying rich guy snobbery still isn't enough to trump the fact that the negro is still there. Moral? Give me a break! Or better yet, just move to Canada. you oldsters wouldn't notice the difference.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

You Say Vagina, I Say You're In Time Out!

1)As you've heard by now, Michigan Republicans do not, repeat do not, like it when you use medical terms in reference to your va-jay-jay, your wee wee, your fun bags, or your family jewels because Michigan Republicans apparently don't have a lot of zombie food to work with. Rep. Lisa Brown (D-Sailor Mouth) arguing against another job killing anti-abortion bill pushed forward by that government out of my life Tea Party said the word "vagina" on the sacred floor of the Michigan legislative temple. Oh my! Then fellow Representative Barb Byrum (D-Potty Mouth)blurted out something about getting into the middle of men's "vasectomies" and that was it!. The Michigan Republicans, the hierarchy of that brain trust, had heard enough and sent Brown and Byrum to the time out room for a day for uttering such vulgarities. Meanwhile, Republican Representative Frank Foster (R-Einstein) got into a confrontation with a neighbor slut and used the proper term for lady parts. He called his neighbor a "cunt". He got extra time on the floor of the legislature for his usage of proper terminology regarding Michigan ladies hatchet wounds.

2)Arizona talk show host Barbara Espinosa ,who has such a soothing radio voice, has denied she made racist statements on her radio show? Just go to You Tube and listen to Barb. How could anybody think a Latino like Barb E is a racist? Why that's impossible. Obama, with those big ears, reminds Barbie E of a monkey, which in case you didn't get it the first time she repeats again and again until she tells you she voted for "the white guy" which in case you didn't get that the first time she repeats again and again. Man, with talk show hosts like Barbie E waiting in the wings, Limbaugh better step up his game.

3) Darrell Issa (R-Carjacker) holding Eric Holder in contempt of Congress? That's sweet. A guy like Issa, who has a criminal record that's even bad for a Republican congressman, judging others? For a refusal to do what? Holder, who inherited this Operation Waste of Money from the previous administration, will now face the wrath of John Boner and the House of Reprehensibles. That is if Boner can actually bring himself to do something. Don't worry, Attorney General Holder, being held in contempt of these assholes is a fucking honor.

4) I saw Rock of Ages on Sunday. Despite the fact Kurt Cobain is my freakin hero for putting an end to the shit they call hair metal, I loved this movie. Tom Cruise was a monster onscreen as was Alec Baldwin (his scene with Russell Brand singing R E O Speedwagon was hilarious). Key words, NOT original artists. Broadwayed up, these songs almost didn't make me wretch. I even kept the popcorn down when Every Rose Has Its Thorn came on. And yep, Tom Cruise's version of Wanted Dead or Alive? Nastyyyyyyyyy. In a good way.

5) Not to beat a dead horse but Secretariat was so damn good a racehorse, he set the Preakness record again yesterday. Despite being dog food for over 25 years, Big Red ran the Preakness in 1:53 flat. Hey, look it up.

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Diss Old House!

Is this a pattern? Is this a planned strategy? Or is it like the old scorpion and frog joke? They are who they are. Republicans. Disrespectful of a man no matter who he is, he's just another n****** to them. Yep, that's it. There can be no other explanation.

Yesterday, some "reporter" from the Daily Caller, Tucker Carlson's latest failure, decided to holler at the President of the United States in the middle of his presser. Nah, he couldn't wait till the man was finished, who the hell cares what the colored guy says, this Irish asshole (no names he aint worth it) decide to heckle Barack Obama before he was done. Question my ass. "Why do you care about foreigners more than Americans?" You mean like you, you Guinness gulping creep? This "question" was so fucking important, it could not wait. The President, probably sick to death of being dissed by white trash, got a bit testy. I would have preferred instead of testy, Obama would have jumped onto the lawn and beat the living shit out of this whiskey soaked Celtic sop and given the right wing media something of substance to piss and moan about.

This is normal for this President. Unlike any other President ever, including the truly despicable ones like 37 and 43, nobody has had to endure the disrespect this man has. And for what? What has he done so utterly contemptible to warrant such hostile behavior from members of the disloyal opposition? Well, we all know what that is. He was born black. No more of this "just because I disagree with Obama doesn't mean I'm a racist" shit. I heard that line from a gang of geriatric thugs last summer over and over at a so called "Tea Party" rally. "We aren't racist" were the first words out of every single speaker's mouth. Sorry. Yeah, you are.

Whether it be Joe Wilson's "you lie" screech at a State of the Union address, a sitting congressman named Doug Lamborn (Racist-Co) calling Obama a "tar baby", Patrick J Buchanan referring to him as a "boy", Mark Halperin calling Obama a "dick", or Jan Brewer sticking her bony finger in his face, these people all share one thing. A complete lack of respect for anyone not white like them. They would all deny it, but you cannot deny genetics. It's inbred into these people. The fact that white people in suits, like them, are being denied their god given right to have whatever they want is being chipped away is tough to take. When people feel themselves losing power, the lash out. When people are denied what they feel is rightfully theirs by birthright, they get angry. Right, Mittens? If it's not a piece of dog crap like Limbaugh making racist "jokes", or another Irish prick like Sean Hannity (I can do this cuz I'm an Irish prick myself) starts crowing that Obama is cracking under the pressure. Not the pressure of being disrespected because of his color, but because he hates the job but loves the perks (code for all black people want something for nothing), it's your everyday idiot sending racist e-mails and made up stories around to their fellow racist buddies.

I hate this. I hate the fact we have become so divided. But we have. And it's time to realize that the other side is beyond hope. It's not class warfare, it's all out warfare. The sooner that the Obama camp realizes this , the quicker people like me come back on board. Despite being libs, there's nothing better than fighting right wingers, mentally of course, they have guns and love to use them. It's like brawling with a guy without limbs after awhile. You just have to walk away as he screams you're a bloody coward (thanks Monty Python).

Yep, as Reagan the Great once said, "facts are stupid things". So are genetic racists.

Monday, June 11, 2012

Warrior Dashing For Profits!

Hey at least pigs roll around in mud for a reason. What the hell was my excuse? Warrior Dash came to Omaha yesterday and yours truly thought it would be a good idea about 3 months ago. Who wouldn't want to run up hills, over obstacles, climb walls, crawl under barbed wire, swim in filthy water, climb ropes, jump over fire and crawl through muddy shit so thick your average old guy like me cannot get out of it? Let me emphasize this, not a good idea.

First of all this corporate "run" is all about profits. They charge you $60 to get in, then $20 more to park your car. All for the privilege of abusing yourself? Oh I guess if you're young and hungover, it might be just the right antidote.
But whatever happened to running to raise money for charity? Since I started running again, I've been in races to benefit cancer research , homeless shelters, the lung association, the Komen cancer center, young people with cancer, youth groups, missions that provide Thanksgiving meals to the poor, the local zoo, but never have I raced to benefit a giant corporation getting in on the running craze. I should've known better, but got caught up in the hype. So after bitching to Max's Mom on the way down to Louisville, Nebraska about my choice of races, it was time to at least put this old man through what he signed up for.

At 10 am, in the 85 degree heat, my "wave" of 500 runners took off up a hill. Hey, there were 10 or 15 "waves" that went bot Saturday and Sunday. Geezus, how much $$ do thee people make? Up the hill , down the hill, up the hill, christ, running is just not worth it. 90% of the people stopped running and were walking by the start of hill #2. The first obstacle was jumping over a wall, crawling under barbed wire, jumping over another wall. etc...... It was here I first thought what the fuck is the matter with you? This is stupid.

Down a hill I ran.......and then......snapppppppp......I stepped in a goddamned hole and went down like I'd been shot. A young lady helped me up and it was walking for me the rest of the way. Figures. I sprained my ankle doing this? Reminded me of when my Dad tried to water ski at 50 something years old.....snapppppppp........went his hamstring.

Limping along for 2.5 miles while getting through obstacles was really not my bag. I thought of opting out and getting a ride back to the finish. But I plodded on. Over a wall, over some ropes, crawling under more barbed wire (skinning the fuck out of my knees , what am I, 7 years old?) Down more hills, up more hills, to a place that no sane human should be, a giant lake of filthy, e coli infested water that cows probably shit in, You jump in and swim, walk or do whatever it is you have to do to get past it. Sopping wet, you now weigh about 50 lbs more than when you started. Off ahead, to a crawl on a 3 inch platform holding a rope, the consequences of falling are another drop into malaria infested liquid below. Moving onward to another fucking wall you crawl up and over, then to a rope wall you climb up and over. It was here that some idiot decided I was too slow and practically knocked me off trying to get around me. Lighten up, Francis!

To the fire pit where you are expected to jump over not one but two blazing hot infernos........and then...its the crawl u nder more barbed wire in a gooey pile of something they call mud. It stunk more like manure and it made you a mess. And I couldn't get my fat ass out of it. My ankle hurts, I'm a muddy mess, I'm hot, my knees hurt, and I cannot get out of this goddamned mud pit. This was the worst part. So close to being done and I can't get out. After falling back into the slop at least three times, I finally get out and get to the finish line.

After getting hosed off by some guy firing a fire hose I throw my shoes, trashed, into a pile of shoes 10 feet high. Creepy, but this WAS kind of holocaust like. Enjoy my shoes, N'Dugu.

The Warrior Dash. It's for the young and dumb. It's for the meatheads who actually try to win. It was for me once. I did it. I can always say that. But I doubt if I'll do it again. Where's the sign up sheet for the next one?

Saturday, June 9, 2012

I Rombot

The Rombot 2000 flew into our neck of the woods on Friday followed by his doughboy scam artists who actually think somebody wants a black Romney t shirt in the middle of fucking summer. But about 400 jobless Medicare suckers showed up to listen to their new found hero, you know, the white guy who can get that Kenyan out of their house. Listening to the Rombot is kind of like listening to your hypnotist telling you to stop eating so much, or smoking, or that Mormonism isn't a cult of whackjobs who cannot wait for Elie Wiesel to die so the can dead baptize him.

The Romney juggernaut pretended to be all outraged over that Kenyan Marxist foreigner saying the private sector is doing all right. The horror! How can anyone say that? The poor private sector with their record profits and slave labor in China and bail outs and golden parachutes. Wow, that Obama is crazy. Why Mittens just the other day was telling a humorous story about how he shut down a steel mill and created a whole bunch of jobs for Asians. Ha ha, ha ha. After I stop knee slapping here, oh that Willard, he so funny. Anyway, I Rombot , you know, the guy with the dressage horses, the billionaire, the guy who served his country by living in a French castle, the guy who inherited millions from his Mexican father, proceeded to claim Obama is "out of touch" with the struggles of ordinary Americans. And he, Mittens W Romney, is in touch with you schlubs. This drew golf type applause from the ordinary Americans listening to him on their way to tea with the girls, golf with the guys, and trips to complain about their latest Medicare reimbursement.

Meanwhile, during the Mittens and the Cranky Old Man show, some guy began screaming at the Rombot that his audio, almost human like voice, was spouting off misinformation and that perhaps he should have an I T guy check out his software for bugs. In other words, he was shouting "Liar Liar pants on fire" at the lying sack of donkey shit. This so riled up the crowd of rabid like white guy supporters they began shouting "Go Mitt Go". That of course after they checked with the doughboy selling his black t shirts, "hey, whats that guys first name again?"

Oh it's going to be a long summer, my friends. A fellow Rombot hater, a very discouraged Rombot hater, joked with me that the next time we see Willard Mittens Romney, he will be getting off Air Force One. Well, at least I think he was joking. I have to go pull the covers over my head.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012


Yeah, way to go, Badgers. You should be proud. Here's a picture of Governor Kochsucker himself.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Con Wisconsin!

I always thought Wisconsin was one of the good ones. Home of LaFollette , but also home of Tail Gunner Joe. They have a sort of split personality up there. Must be the cold, or cheese causes brain farts or something.

Anyway Governor Kochsucker is up for recall on Tuesday and it looks like the kooks may win. Leaving this asshole in office is Republican wet dream beyond any wet dream they've ever had. It would be the death knell to public service unions in this nation and I am not exaggerating. This is what this is all about. You think the Koch Brothers care about this weasel Walker in any way? This mountain of monkey turds is just that. The chimp who begs for money while the organ grinder entertains the easily entertained. Walker is another useful idiot in the Republican war on the middle class. In case you forgot, or never studied history, or are just fucking dumb, unions created the middle class in this country. Unions allowed people who never had a chance to get that chance. To buy a house, a car, to take vacations, to live a life of comfort. But for every dollar the unions took, that was one less dollar the Romneys of the world had, and they don't like that one bit. Demands for a fair wage, health insurance, time off. Bah! Ungrateful bastards! You should be happy you even have a job much less 'demand" anything. This attitude has won. And it won by scaring the shit out of $40K a year Republicans who toe the line and don't like the "union thug" who sits on his ass all day doing nothing while the $40K a year Republican sits around on his ass doing as little as possible. That's right. The diff between unions and non unions is fear. Union workers work just as hard as anyone else. I've been in unions and I've not been in unions. Personally, I work just as hard no matter what my dues paying status is. And so does most everyone else.

Walker is a tool. He needs to go bye bye. I doubt he will, despite the efforts of the big dog, but if anyone can get out the vote to get rid of this douchebag, it's Bill Clinton. What's Walker have? Chuck Norris? And about $60 million of corporate money all drooling at the prospect of turning Wisconsin into Vietnam. That money is key. Because your average dope believes anything he or she sees on the TV, Walker may win. Outspent 10 to 1, intelligent people should be asking themselves, why the fuck do Kansas residents Frick and Frack Koch care so much about this dickwad Governor of Wisconsin so much? Hmmm....what's in in for them? Yeah that's what informed people might ask. Let's see if Wisconsin residents ask themselves that.

Hey, if Wisconsin keeps this shitheel Walker, what goes next? The son of a bitch already has some Hunting Department head honcho who wants to sell public lands to private interests. What happens after that? He forces all you Packer fans to give up your worthless Packer stock so Douche and Bag Koch can have them? Every two bit Republican Governor in teh country is watching you, Wisky voter. If you keep this Walker patsy, all these Republican dictators will get the green light to rid their states of unions. And after that,the Democrats major contributors dry up. And isn't this what this is really all about anyway. Voter purges, union busting, these Republican motherfuckers are greasing the skids for one party rule. Only intelligence can beat them. You have that, Wisconsin?