Monday, April 26, 2010

Tool Academy!

I have no opinion on our fine Senator from Nebraska, Earl Benjamin Nelson.

Friday, April 23, 2010

What The Pluck Is Going On In This Nation?

I have no idea if this nation is getting dumber by the day, all because that colored guy is in the White House and white people are going nuts, but some of the dumbest people on earth are rearing their pretty little heads making us look like a nation of mouth breathing dolts. In Nevada, Republican Senate candidate Sue Lowden has a unique health care plan for you uninsured bums out there. Take a chicken to your local doctor, or offer to paint his gated community mansion, or give him an hour with your 16 year old daughter. whatever, just offer a trade. The doctor will be happy to yank out your bursting appendix for free if you just bring a farm animal along to trade. This is no joke. This is Sue Lowden's answer to health care. Seriously. And this dope is 10 points ahead of Harry Reid in the polls in Nevada? You teabaggers are really starting to piss me off.

Now I have my problems with Harry Reid, but this is a man who took a health care bill unpopular in his own state, in an election year, and got it passed. That's a profile in courage. He's 10 points down? To a ditz who makes Caribou Barbie look like Madame Curie?

Who is this Sue Lowden? Well, she's a former Miss New Jersey, a former TV anchorwoman, a former Nevada state senator, a casino hack with a gaming license and about $50 million in the bank and likes to laugh at questions about assassinations. Once again, she's ahead of Harry Reid by 10 points. Wow?

Russell Pearce is an Arizona state senator who really doesn't like Mexicans. I mean let's face it, this anti-immigration bill signed today by Arizona Governor Jan Brewer (Coward-Az) is not about the "rule of law" as hate-mongers like Pearce and Sheriff Joe like to pretend. It's about cops who now have the power to pull you over and check for your papers being in order, mein Herr. Who will they pull over? Well it won't be blatherers like Pearce or Sheriff Joe or any of the millions of rednecks who reside in Arizona. It'll be brown folks. Brown folks with funny shoes and sombreros I assume. All I can do is parrot Olbermann who warned perennial orange man John Boner to stay the hell out of Arizona. Another thing, that Panamanian John McCain, the soulless bastard he has become, had better have his papers in order or he's in danger of being shipped back to the freaking Canal Zone.

More hilarity from Arizona. The state legislature passed a law stating political candidates had to file their birth certificates or be denied a place on the ballot. Gee, wonder where that stupid idea came from? Once again, McCain better watch it. He's pandering his way not only out of a job, but perhaps out of the country if these leather skinned crackers keep running roughshod over the state with their xenophobic craziness.

I've been to Arizona a few times. It's plucking hot. And apparently plucking stupid. The state that had to be dragged kicking and screaming into allowing the Martin Luther King holiday to be recognized is really going south into dehydrating brain territory. Let's start a national campaign to change the state motto of the Grand Canyon state from "Ditat Deus" or "God Enriches" to "Somos un grupo de retardados".

Sunday, April 18, 2010

We Can Be Heroes!

Allow me to be a bit self-indulgent here and talk about heroes. Two of my heroes are my parents. Both my Mom & Dad are dead, but in their deaths they stayed true to their beliefs that the social good was more important than individual recognition. Both of my parents donated their bodies to science, specifically to the University of Nebraska Medical School and to the Creighton University Medical School to train medical students to hopefully make the world a better place.

On Friday night I got to finally say goodbye to my mother. The memorial service for all the unselfish folks who had donated themselves to the betterment of mankind was held and we were there. It was a beautiful, respectful service and all the students were there. The surprising part to me was a good 75% of them were women. You go, girls! A young lady, a first year medical student, expressed her thanks to me and informed me of the great knowledge she obtained from the body she worked on. She didn't have to do that, she just happened to sit next to me. I was moved, and expressed her my thanks and wished her luck. I am sure she will make a fine doctor. She already has the bedside manner down pat.

My Mom is now buried in a mass grave with the others with a simple headstone and an expression of gratitude from the UNMC. My Dad has been in a mass grave for about 10 years now with another simple headstone expressing gratitude from Creighton. They are in separate cemeteries but that just makes my visitation more difficult. A small price to pay for what they did. All in all I think it worked out well since Dad was much more Catholic than Mom. He belonged at Creighton and she belonged at the secular place. That's who they were.

I know most people would never consider doing what my parents did with their bodies. My Mom used to say after Dad informed her of his post-demise plans that she didn't want some young kid looking at her saying "look at that old lady". But the respect shown by these "young kids" really does impress you. Hey, they all can't be that great of actors so I believe it. I plan on continuing this family "tradition" by donating my carcass to science. I sure as hell won't need it anymore. So I urge you, as my heroes I had as parents did, to at least be an organ donor, and if you can get past the headstone with your name on it part of death, consider helping others by donating your body to your local medical school. Thanks for reading.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Governor Bilbo Baggins At Your Service!

We have some real doozies running this state. Nebraska is not known for electing Governors who matter on a national scale. How Bob Kerrey ever got elected is beyond me. How Earl Benjamin Nelson got elected, or Kay Orr, or Charlie Thone, or J James Exon, or Mike Johanns are no surprises at all. Forgettable do-nothings who go on to embarrass us in Washington D.C.

Way back in the 1950's, a little boy in Falls City, Nebraska dressed up in a tiny suit and tie and pretended to be Governor. His name was Dave Heineman and amazingly he never grew beyond his 1950's height. Well, he's now our Governor, fulfilling his life long dream of leading a state full of people longing for the 1950's.

Let me make this perfectly clear. Dave Heineman is a twerp. Heineman, all 5 feet nothing of him, has decided he wants to be noticed so bad he will take up with anybody screwy enough to want him. Heineman, who gladly took and spent a billion dollars of that commie Obama stimulus money, showed up at a teabagger rally in Lincoln and proceeded to tell the old cranks he was "one of them". The hypocrisy was dripping from the walls. But the teabaggers, too ignorant to know any better, just sat in their lawn chairs and waved their saggy arms.

Earlier in the day, Heineman, in his daily struggle for somebody to look down and see him, signed two unconstitutional bills making it really hard for women to get abortions in Nebraska. The first one set a 20 week limit on women getting abortions, two weeks earlier than federal law, and the seconds really stupid law forces doctors to "screen" women seeking abortions for "mental health". Both of these laws will be gonzo the first time anybody on a bench with any intelligence sees them but Heineman, who longs for Earl Benjamin Nelson's Senate seat, is really on a slippery slope here. If he really believes that 51% of the population is really goofy enough to get abortions willy nilly, and needs mental health screenings, WTF was he doing at a teabagger rally later the same day? Now THAT'S some mental health screening that I would support.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Hey, Where's The Pole?

Wow! Now THAT is a think tank! Madonna & Rachel Ray together at last! Conservative white men are all alone with their computers with the door locked as we speak!

Right there in Minneapolis, the gruesome twosome made white guys hearts go all aflutter with all that Drill,Baby,Drill! breathy speak. Then that phony radio scuzzball Chris Baker had to get in there and get back to the "commie" talk. Hey, he was a failed morning zoo guy here in Omaha before he found that conservative Rush Limbaugh imitations got you a radio show with all sorts of erectile dysfuntion ads. Nice step up, Chris.

Boy, with Bristol's mom and Marcus' beard both onstage rolling their eyes, I can only imagine how fast Sean Hannity was getting to the bathroom before Bill O'Reilly beat him to it. Not to mention how upstaged that Governor of Minnesota, Good n Plenty or whatever must have felt. He's as irrelevant as a hot chick at a Charlie Crist rally.

It must have been fun for the 11,000 conservatives in Minnesota to all meet in one place for a change. I mean those lesbian leather bars just aren't big enough to hold all 11,000 Republicans at once. Geez, Trigger's mom, you could have least worn that leather biker jacket you wore down in Arizona helping McCain cut out his soul. Michael Steele would've rolled in for that.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Now Arriving At Track Fraidy Cat, The Teabagger Express!

The first thing I noticed as I drove my evil 11 year old foreign car up to Lake Zorinksy for the Teabagger Express rally was how many teabaggers had evil foreign cars and how fliiping crowded it was. Bumper to bumper pickups and SUV's trying to find parking as the Omaha cops refused to let any more vehicles into the Lake Zorinsky parking area. Obviously the cops are closeted liberal Obamabots trying to keep the real Americans from getting together and having a tantrum. For being "taxed to death" by that illegal colored guy in the White House these folks sure drive nice, new trucks and gas guzzlers!

Parking my 11 year old rice guzzling vehicle on the grass, I start to walk to the teabagger rally when I forget I still have my Obama bumper sticker firmly in place just as a blood pressure rising reminder to the masses of pissed off white people here in Omaha. I hope the bumper survives. Yes, it actually crossed my mind.

As I get closer I hear the loud ranting of a woman screaming into an outdated P.A. system that I haven't heard since I saw Peter Frampton way back when he had hair. I can't make out what she's saying but the 1000 or so beefy folks with graying mustaches are loving it. There were a lot of men there, too. To the left, of course, are about 10 or so counter-protesters with homemade signs telling the teabaggers to go away, they're ignorant, and that Medicare and Medicaid actually help people. They are looked at with disdain by the teabaggers, anxious for some good old patriotic yellin and screamin'. I give the counter protestors a thumbs up and the shhhhhh motion as I am deep undercover here. They look at me with a puzzled look. I don't blame them.

Getting close to the stage I am not at all surpised to see our distinguished, do-nothing but what he's told by the Boner congressman, Lee Terry, pumping hands and pretending he doesn't think these people are idiots. Over there is a mini van with a Teresa somebody for Congress message written on the windows. I have no idea who this person is, but I learn she is the offical Teabagger candidate, running as a Republican of course because come on now, these pissed off caucasions are all Republicans, let's face it.

Dave Nabity, local hothead and losing Republican candidate for every office imaginable, is speaking about how "afraid" he is of Obama, and how Bush just didn't "scare" people like Obama does. Yeah, kinda like how way back when that Marty Luther King guy was awful scary and Barry Goldwater just made ya feel all warm inside. More teabagger speakers rant and rave about the same old shite we've heard for the last 60 years. You know, how the 1950's, when white men ruled and woman didnt work and blacks knew their place, and Mexicans lived in Mexico or California and didn't know where Nebraska was and Asians were from Asia and everything was just peachy? You know, those kind of speeches.

I walk through, hearing loud whoops and seeing some kook waving a Don't Tread On Me flag, when I come onto the sight that will make me nauseous enough to leave, not to mention I want to beat the traffic. A grown man, with his I assume wife and 10 year old daughter, holding a sign that states "Glenn Beck for President Sean Hannity for Vice President". The kid holds up a sign that says something about voting out "mean people" and the wife holding some sort of football themed sign because of course we here in Nebraska never ever stop thinking about our Cornhuskers, ever! So I wokr my way back out and head for the car, all the while thinking is this how lynch mobs work? Whip people into a frenzy with lies and they lose control and hang the black guy? Well, trust me, they aint no black people here and I'm as close to that as they can find, what with my pony tail and Claremont Graduate University t shirt. He must be an educated hippie. Git im!

No seriously now, they looked like perfectly nice people with some serious issues. Scared to death of becoming a minority in their own country as they perceive it. They holler and fall for the snake oil they're fed by Fox News and by Republican politicians. They are frightened that they don't have that built in advantage of being white anymore. They actually believe that minorities have more rights that they do. They actually believe in one world government conspiracy theories. They actually buy all of this stuff. Fear is a powerful weapon.

The one thing I ask all teabaggers is this. Do you actually see the irony in the fact as you rail against socialism and communism and taxes, you were holding you little temper tantrum at a PUBLIC PARK? You got there on PUBLIC ROADS? Traffic was kept in check by GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEES? Do you get that? I didn't think so.