Road Trip 2019 Day Four! Pennsylvania Sheetz!

Leaving rural Ohio to get to Gettysburg because after all, a history geek like me Max must see yet another site where thousands of American heroes died and thousands of traitors got what was coming to them.

Through Ohio into a state I have never set foot in, West Virginia. You enter Trump country and pass thru the city of Wheeling, home of a closed down stogie factory. You drive thru tunnels dug into mountains and realize its a long ass way to the next stop, Harrisburg, Pa. Or maybe Hershey. Who knows? Maybe Mechanicsburg. Into Pennsylvania you go when you realize this is the East Coast, where everything costs extra. Refills on pop (soda for you people who are wrong) and driving on roads. The Pennsylvania Turnpike. Hey I'm no turnpike virgin. Ive been screwed by Kansas for years. Ive had to drop 30 cents and 75 cents and $1.10 into all sorts of buckets around Chicago. How bad could the Pennsylvania Turnpike be? I take the ticket and hand it to Max. Max looks at it and says rather sheepishly, uhhhhhh they are going to charge you $23.40 to get to Harrisburg. WHAT??? My rube self kicked in and I looked at the ticket once, twice, three times. Yep, $23.40. To drive? I'd have been better off riding some Amish wagon on some back country road.

Down the turnpike past an actual Amish guy seeding his field courtesy of a horse and a spinning seeder. Wonder what a picture would have cost? Pennsylvania is all foresty and farmy and long. We arrived at Harrisburg and went right through to Hershey to stay at a hotel where I assume the beds are made of chocolate and M&M's come out of the shower. Well not really but there were also no running trucks, bedbugs or stopped up toilets.

To go to Hershey's Chocolate World is to enter a very Disney like atmosphere but much less expensive. You can enter the place for free, or pay lots of money for 4D movies and kids stuff. Thank god we now have an adult sized kid cuz 10 years ago this would have been a $100 day at a giant chocolate store. You can ride a teacup like ride thru a Small World knock off called Hershey Chocolate Factory where you are "entertained" by puppets and animatronic animals and get your picture taken and are being set up for a potential fleecing. Hey, at the merciful end, you get a free fun sized Hershey bar. Should we quit while ahead?

No chance. Theres chocolate to be purchased. The same chocolate you can buy at any 7-11 or Dillons but since its right there in Hershey its somehow better. The rube set back in. They did have Zagnuts however. Zagnut Bars were banned in the Midwest during the Great Coconut Peanut Butter Massacre of about 1975. I should have bought thousands.

We went back to the hotel and ate scrapple and drank wooter and bought gas at Sheetz. Ah life among da English.

Day 4 finished.

Road Trip 2019 Day Three! The Cathedral!

Louisville is the home of the greatest 2 minutes in sports. The Kentucky Derby. When I was younger and more inclined to wallow in mud and get drunk and put up with crowds of white trash like myself, going to the Kentucky Derby was my dream. Now that I'm old and hate crowds even more than I used to just seeing the home of the Derby is enough.

Churchill Downs lies just off the interstate and right past the University of Louisville, its football stadium and its baseball stadium and oh yeah, its campus. The place is huge. To get a tour of the track you must buy an admission to the Derby Museum where you see all the Secretariat memorabilia you can handle. You can "ride" in a virtual horse race. You can call a race. You can watch any Derby you wish. 1973 please. You see a wraparound 4D movie that takes you backside at the Derby from dawn to dusk.

But what you really need to do is walk on the hallowed ground where Secretariat walked. Walk up the tunnel where Secretariat probably took a dump. Walk on the apron of the track. See the Twin Spires (much smaller than I thought).Stand in the winners circle. Its fantastic. I just wish the track had been in session and I could've stayed for just one race.

The Louisville Slugger Museum lies in downtown Louisville on what they call "museum row". When I played baseball in my younger years, back in the wooden bats era (yes I am very old), the Louisville Slugger signed by various ball players was a must. I remember loving a 34 inch Boog Powell model until some idiot teammate of mine broke it. Seeing how bats are still made, touring the actual factory, and getting a mini bat made the hour or so well worth it. I was thinking of getting a personalized bat for myself, but when would I ever use it unless theres some Older Than Dirt League out there.

The road trip continued through Kentucky and into Ohio where we stopped in a sleepy town called St Claires Shores. Up a hill to a hotel, errrr motel with drive up service to your door. It was classy. With a busted toilet, a small bed and neighbors who loved to leave their truck running, it was the perfect place to pull the covers up over your head and hope for the best. By best I mean not being shot by some bootlegger runnin from Revenuers.

Day 3 in the books.

Road Trip 2019!! Missouri Bedbugs!!!

Road Trip 2019 began on a Saturday during the Great Flood of 2019. Trying to get out of Omaha was a chore. I-29 to Kansas City closed. Highway 75 south to Topeka closed. The floodwaters of The Platte, normally a river a mile wide and an inch deep as they say, was raging from melted snow and rain. It had upended thousands of folks lives by destroying everything they owned and without mercy was going to destroy their futures. It sucks.

Heading south on Highway 50 to go around the carnage was the only option. As we approached the river the traffic suddenly came to a standstill. It was pure gawking. When you saw a river normally inundated with sandbars and at times very little water, flowing downhill with whitecaps and a power that made me cringe how could you help but gawk. Scary as hell yet amazing to see. A man stood in a park firing a gun at god knows what. Wow, this is going to be something. A redneck firing a gun in a park. Oh hun, we hadnt seen anything yet.

The destination was Louisville. Kentucky, not Nebraska which ironically was where the guy was firing the gun. Louisville contains 3 things I idolize. Muhammad Ali, Churchill Downs, and Louisville Sluggers. The road to Louisville goes thru Missouri, Illinois, Indiana and finally Kentucky.

Columbia Missouri was the stopping point. Something bit the crap out of Max . I'm not saying it was bedbugs but it was bedbugs. I wont mention the place we stayed but it sure didnt live up to its Super reputation. It may have been on 8th street?

On the road in a place called Higginsville, Missouri to get gas. Remember that guy in Nebraska shooting a gun in a public park? In this gas station were 3 guys who make the Nebraska shooter look like the ultimate urban sophisticate. The first guy leans on the counter and asks the clerk, "what state is this?" Now I can see if you were close to a border but in the literal middle of Missouri and you ask a befuddled clerk that? In the bathroom were two guys in neon vests. As one was mystified by the workings of a sink with no handles and shit, the other stepped in to help. Also mystified, neon vest #2 summed it all up in one of the most philosophical statements I've ever heard. He drawled "This sink is motherfuuuuuuuuckin bowlllll-shit". Absolutely my friend. I left without washing my hands.

Through St Louis, Illinois, Indiana and Kentucky featuring billboard after billboard of some lawyer named The Hammer we proceeded. Injured? Call The Hammer. Truck Accident? Call the Hammer. Work getting you down? Call the Hammer. Hey whats that number?

Louisville lies on the Ohio River. Great I get to cross yet another river on some rusty old bridge ready to crumble. Hey, is it Infrastructure Month yet?

The Muhammad Ali Center was the kind of place I could spend hours at. Its a museum, its a cultural center and its an interactive experience. You can trace the life of Ali from his birth to the Olympics to his professional career to his activism to his conversion to Islam. Its all here. You can watch virtually any fight of Ali's you want. You can watch news reports, see interviews, see him with Howard Cosell watch his decline into Parkinsons. Its wonderful. Just be prepared cuz the end features Leroy Neiman paintings. Yikes!

Theres a 24/7 diner in Louisville called Burger Boy. Its small, has good food and an ambience I enjoyed. But what I really liked was the wall full of bumperstickers . Everything from Bernie For President to various what I assume were local Democratic candidates. But what really made me a fan was the tiny little sticker above the Go Green sticker. It simply said "Fuck Trump". 5 stars from me.

Day One and Two Concluded.

Come From Away!

If there was ever a musical or a play that made every character equal its Come From Away. There is no star, there is nobody that raises above anyone else. It is truly a magical experience. All the characters are appealing and not all is right with the world.

If you dont know what Come From Away is about, heres some simple MaxsDadsplaining for y'all. Remember 9/11? Well on 9/11 there were a shitload of airplanes in the air that could not land in the United States because the airspace had been shut down. 38 planes (a great song) landed in Gander, Newfoundland, thats in Canada sort of. A former gassin up spot when planes couldnt hold that much fuel was used to be a port in the storm for the stranded passengers from all over the world. All over the world. Texas, England, LA, Africa, Egypt,Germany and Canada. The townfolk jump into action to care for the 7,000 refugees and jump into they do.

There are perhaps 30 to 40 characters in this peppy musical played by 12 people. 12 great performers who do their own set changes, change clothes, accents and and hop around onstage sharing the spotlight and being constantly in motion. Some of the actors are not young making the activity seem even more admirable.

You have so many characters that are so likable and some that are not. The British lonely guy who seems to have met his soulmate in Gander. The mother whose son is a missing NYC firefighter. The Mayor of Gander. Two gay Kevins ( I liked gay Kevin but gay Kevin was a bit of a dick). The lone Muslim who is isolated and looked on with suspicion. The Texas woman pilot. The librarian, the Canadian redneck, oh they are all wonderful.

I love theater and this may have one of the most enjoyable hour and 40 minutes (no intermission) Ive had in a long time. Every play has speed bumps where it slows to a crawl. Come From Away does not. Great songs, happy songs, sad songs. Commentary about what happened on 9/11, statements on religion, working folk, sexism and bigotry abound. With an onstage band that takes part in a bar scene I cant rave about this play enough.

See it.

Rent!

I am not a Renthead. Ive never seen any version of the musical Rent. Not the movie, the live play, the only thing I know about Rent is that ubiquitous Seasons of Love which is a great song I have no idea what is about.

Rent is on its 20th Anniversary Tour with a new cast and came to the area, ok, Lincoln, this weekend. We went.

Rent is a musical in true 90's style. Its grunge, its hip, its before its time. Does it hold up 20 years later? Yep! At least to this non Renthead.

The musical tells the story of a group of young artists living in a sort of co-op in 1990's New York City. They're diverse, they are young sand they are all poor and oh yes, a good number have the HIV virus. The musical deals with poverty, love, greed, art, music and death.

I cannot describe the gang of characters in this ensemble play in one word. You have rich kids slumming it, aspiring songwriters with limited time, homeless folks, drag queens, performance artists, strippers, lesbians, gay men, straight men, straight women, its all covered here.

On a simple stage with a backing band off to the side, Rent begins with a bang as roomies Mark and Roger set the story up. Along the way we meet Angel and Tom, Mimi , Maureen, Joanne and Benjamin Coffin III. You may have a favorite along the way (I loved Angel and Tom and Mark and hell all of them) but the fact is not all will make it.

The cast is young, most making Tour debuts or still in college, and the energy shows. These kids are a talented lot hopping around and dancing constantly. Chrissakes, I pulled hamstrings doing 5% of the movement these actors make.

This play may not be for everyone. We saw an older couple grab coats and leave in Act 1 but though Act 1 is loooooong as hell and a weird scene involving performance artist Maureen that goes on too long (yeah we get it, performance artists are a strange lot) but to us amateurs really into it, its 2nd act begins with a bang with Seasons of Love. The cast had the crowd clapping and singing along like a concert. It was beautiful.

I know I can never be a Renthead. I cannot dismiss this latest version as a poor copy of the original or poo poo the latest cast as rank amateurs compared to that classic original cast, but I can say I loved every second of it.

Some things are never "dated". This is one.

CPAC 2019!

oh good lord, its that time of year, when the largest gathering of kooks, racists, conspiracy morons, racists, sexists, homophobes, racists and the truly stupid occurs in DC. Its CPAC2019.

Michelle Malkin is screeching at this time, eulogizing the drunken Breitbart, rolling her eyes back in her head, hammering "diversity" (how ironic for an anchor baby) and getting a roomful of old white leeches, funded by socialism, to struggle to their feet and try to keep that stupid red hat on.

Between speeches various nutjob groups beg for money via videos in which they warn you about Hillary's emails, beg you to send your kid to scam colleges like Hillsdale, and have little boys whine about their future as a decent male, Why cant they grab pussy like the Fearless Leader? Bunch of libtard pantywaists making men into women.

Hillbilly Missouri Senator Josh Hawley now whining about tech companies discriminating against the biggest victims in American society, white conservatives. The room is damn near empty. Dude, nobody wants to listen to you cry about something that doesnt exist. Missouri, what the fuck? You voted for this asshole? He looks like a typical religious scam artist with the slick backed hair and his phony concern for his kids. Fuck this guy.

Yesterday featured everyone's favorite Nazi, no not Sgt Schultz, Sebastian Gorka holler about the enemy is coming for your hamburgers. Per the look of this crowd, perhaps they should lay off the hamburgers. Gorka, a fake Hungarian speaking in a phony German accent, is truly a despicable, some would say deplorable, character.

There was also a bizarre scene of two Republican congressmen eating hamburgers and drinking milkshakes while some other liar yammered on about the Green New Deal. Ya know, that chick from New York, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, the mad liberal they all want to secretly screw, put that forward a while back. Cue the ratfuckers to begin the lies.

Roma Romney, the head of that organization of kookburgers called the GOP, insisted that Democrats all want us to eat dog food. Now ehy she believes that (which of course she does not)is just beyond my comprehension. The spoon in her mouth Romney has never eaten dog food, unless of course a servant secretly put some Gaines Burger in her Beef Wellington, but to be lectured to by that is right out of what CPAC is all about. Rich people telling nitwits how to think.

A panel of truly stupid people, including Jerry Falwell Jr, and the other idiot Junior, future felon Donnie, along with Fox News reject and current Trump fucker Kimberly Guilfoyle fantasized about AOC showing up and trying to take cows away from them and them shooting her. Trump Junior, a moron if there ever was one. held things together with being even dumber than the rest so they would seem smahhht.

But the ultimate was the appearance of the minstrel show that is Diamond and Silk. I have no idea which is which but while one yaks the other stands there in her granny clothes and throws in a yea yeah now and then. Diamond and Silk, the kind of black folks that the CPAC whiteys slap their knees at to prove how not racist they are. Diamond and Silk, did I mention how much of a scam they are, pranced around and made the truly dumb statement about how socialism will return us to slavery days while the racists cheered their Aunt Toms onstage. Only Hitler lover Candace Owens can compete with these two clowns as bigger minstrels.

Meanwhile, the traitorous fuck known as Donald Trump, who I am convinced cut short his surrender to a Korean leprechaun just so he could come home and get his ego stroked by the bunch of brain dead cult members at CPAC 2019. Everyday this treasonous syphilitic brained wankmaggot stays in office is a disgrace. But CPAC loves him. If love is even a word they can understand.

Every day this conference goes on in its worship of a man who dismisses murderous thugs like Kim, and the Crown Prince, and KGB Vlad it debases itself and its cause. Otto Warmbier and Khashoggi were askin for it. Per the POTUS45.

This doesnt make it right. Even if a conference full of angry hate filled bigots thinks so. Maybe THIS is the year that the Kool Aid comes out.