Happy Birthday Mister President!

54 years ago a baby Damien Obama, or Barry Soweto, or Nobama Obummer was born in Kenya or Indonesia or Calgary or the Panama Canal Zone but definitely not in 'Merica. The satan child of Saul Alinsky and Angela Davis, little Barry Alinsky was raised by the Manson Family East in Kenya or Indonesia but definitely not in the U S A U S A! In keeping with the giant conspiracy to one day install a Kenyan born Muslim Nazi Socialist Anti-Colonialist Homo Demoncrat into the presidency, the liberal media and its minions, yep those lil yellow minions, kept up a 40 some year "story" of how lil Barack grew up in Hawaii (sort of America) and went to Columbia University and Harvard though nobody ever saw him in either place and yet he went there on affirmative action cuz he's dumb cuz he's black like his dumb wife, Moochelle. So yes, he never went there but he did go there on the taxpayer dime. Makes sense.

The Soros Family kept up the facade by dressing up lil Barry in University of Hawaii t shirts and swinging a baseball bat even though he was actually on the beaches of Indonesia and swinging a cricket bat. Clever Soros family.

All through his conspiracy fueled life, little Barry Alinsky-Davis just kept believing that someday, America would be so dumbed down they would first elect this son of Ed Asner and Sandra Fluke to the Illinois State Senate where he would totally cause 9/11, then elect him to the United States Senate where he could totally cause Hurricane Katrina and then finally, the Presidency of the United States of America!

Now it's done. The destruction of America thanks to the lil guy hatched from a pod 54 years ago in somewhere totally not in America.

Happy Hatch Day, President Barack Hussein Obama. Keep up the good work!

UFC MMA RIP!

I don't get it. UFC or MMA or street brawling or any of it. What would be illegal and get you jail time in a bar or on the street is perfectly fine in some kind of octagon with bars and doors and thousands of drunks and sadists.

I love or rather loved boxing. I was fortunate to grow up in the 60's and 70's with Ali and Frazier and Foreman and Norton and Holmes. I could name you every Muhammed Ali fight from 1962 onward. Ooo Ooo check out the knockout punch Ali threw against Cleveland Williams. Loved the sweet science.

But now? Ehhhh. Unless it's Bud Crawford knocking out Gamboa or going back and watching fight films of the 1930's when the sport meant something I don't pay attention to boxing any longer. I mean come on, Vladimir Klitschko is one of the most sleep installing fighters ever.

UFC or MMA is the rage among people younger than me. I hear about it constantly and have no idea what they are talking about. There are young guys I work with who aspire to be MMA or UFC fighters. They all have one thing in common. My wishing to be anywhere else when they start talking about MMA or UFC. Jesus, stop!

Ronda Rousey beat some Brazilian last night in 34 seconds and is now all the talk of the street brawling world. I've seen stories about Ronda Rousey, how she grew up, how her father killed himself, how her mother encourages this behavior and used to fight herself. How attractive she is. Yeah great ears! Yum.

Ronda Rousey usually beats people up within 30 seconds, often within 20 seconds, and people fork over $50 to watch, kind of like the guys who like to watch women's hair pulling competitions over some useless dude. Yahoo!

I don't know. I'm old. I am not fond of this sport. I'd prefer refs and gloves and rules. Shit, one of these days they'll be a sport where the fighters are allowed to exercise their 2nd Amendment rights and just shoot each other.

Anyway I'll go back to yelling at kids to get off my lawn and kick back and enjoy REAL entertainment. RIP Roddy!

AP History!

Oh thank Allah that Max got thru AP History in his senior year of high skool and got an A. As Max's Mom and I await his going away to join ISIS we see the College Board has finally done something about that anti-American AP History shit the were teaching and now have made the textbook a 400 page book that says on every page America Fuck Yeah!

Now finally, young uns will be taught the correct version of American History instead of the truth, real American history about shit like how fucking great we are and how fucking great we are!

You know like:

1) The American Revolution was inspired by God and how guys dressed like Indians to cover their own asses brave patriotic conservatives threw all that tea in the bay cuz Britain was really taxing them too much. God hates taxes, especially British taxes.

2) Slavery was allowed because it featured full employment with medical for all the blacks rescued from their homeland where a whole lot of other blacks kept them in slavery and white guys with jungle fever love in their hearts saved them from a fate worse than being whipped and thrown overboard and kept in chains. Those ungrateful blahhhh people need to be thanking the white man instead of being pissed off all the time when a courageous white cop kills an unarmed blaaaaa maniac.

3) Manifest Destiny was God's way of making his chosen people masters of the world like he meant it to be in the Garden of Eden when he created Abba Adam & Eve. Anything the gets in the way? See slavery above. You're welcome Crazy Horse.

4) The Civil War was all about slavery Southern Pride, slavery state's rights to keep people in chains employed, and slavery the threat of the evil federal government led by the man who caused 100% unemployment of all blacks, almost as bad as Obummer, Abe Lincoln.

5) The genocide christian conversion of the Native American was in reality a good thing. I mean come on, all that dancing around asking for rain, what kind of nonsense is that? Praise Jesus you heathens. You'll be better off.

6) The 16th Amendment saved America was Satan inspired and the result of thinking like Nobama has. The income tax is the price paid to live in America worst thing ever. Repeal the Amendment now.

7) Communism is whatever rights I don't get. Gay rights, women rights, black rights, mexican rights, Caitlin Jenner rights, all inspired by brave men and women Communist agitators. Joe McCarthy was a drunk hero. He embarrassed saved America from commies like Oliver Wendall Douglas.

8) Vietnam was fought to enrich the defense industry to free the people of Vietnam from a freely elected leader commie dictator named Ho Chi Minh who had a totally awesome evil looking beard like Lenin. We totally won even though the liberal media says we lost.

9) Ronald Reagan is the greatest American who ever lived. Period. All hail Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan raised taxes 11 times never ever even thought of raising taxes. Ronald Reagan proved that trickle down economics is just the rich pissing on your head worked cuz everybody was rich beyond belief back in the 80's. Like in that documentary Wall Street.

10) Ronald Reagan is the 3rd worst greatest President who ever lived. Period. He totally caused unnecessary tension took down the Soviet Union all by himself freeing millions of slaves around the world but good slaves, white ones, not the ungrateful blaaaaa ones we have here.

11) Barack Obummer is the 2nd best president of my lifetime epitome' of bad presidents. He collapsed a thriving economy, allowed terrorists to take down the Towers, caused Hurricane Katrina, started ISIS, lost the Iraq War, was totally born in Kenya, and has a wife with a big ass.

12) America is number one in everything. No matter what the facts say liberal lies say. we are exceptional! All of us Republicans are exceptional. It must be true because Joe Stalin Ronald Reagan said it. And Ronald Reagan is the false idol greatest American of all time.

America! Fuck Yeah!

Abortions 24/7 Step Right Up!

Oh what it must be like to wake up every day just pissed. Pissed that it's not 1955 and white guys still run everything and Mexicans live in Mexico and women don't work and don't put out (wink wink) and the blacks stay away and live wherever they live and what the hell is a homo and everything was just wonderful. Yeah vote Trump cuz he says stuff we say at the bar.

Conservatives wake up that way and have for 6,000 years since Gawd created Adam & Eve not Adam & Caitlin and all the dinosaurs were friendly and let ya pet em on the stomach until that tramp Eve ate the apple and screwed up all things for white men forever. Oh man are they pissed.

What now you ask?

Planned Parenthood. Oh my goodness! That organization that aborts Gerber babies 24/7 and and then maniacally laughs, puts down its chain saw and then sells baby parts to Doctor Frankenstein? That Planned Parenthood? Yep, that Planned Parenthood.

Well of course that must be stopped by the good folks at the United States Congress who couldn't be less interested in catering to dummies and exploiting lies for profits. No way. They are so concerned for babies they may just cry. Oh the humanity. God wants us to attach anti-abortion bills to highway bills because God is the most pro-lifey guy ever. Except for all that Old Testament smiting and shit which we don't pay any attention to unless we want to smite unarmed black people or lousy criminals or dangerous lions. Hey God loves all babies, right? Unless they're Egyptian or something. Or the first born of a cow? Wow, that Bible is one wacky book. I'll have to read one someday before I burn it in front a christian church while discriminating against christians like what happens never.

Planned Parenthood has been the boogieman of all nutjobs for years. Why? Well not so much because of what conservatives say but because of what conservatives actually believe deep down inside their black hearts. That all women are sluts, tempting men all the time into having sex and making men all horny.And because of Planned Parenthood these harlots do not have to suffer the consequences of their temptress ways. Which is being stuck with a baby, I assume fathered by a man, and being shamed and shunned and then when the baby is force born having conservative white guys refuse to pass laws to help babies thrive. Then their harpy mothers can just sit around and think about what they've done. So there! Guys? Move along, it wasn't your fault.

Heavily edited videos featuring baby parts selling and organ harvesting are fine and dandy to get talk radio assholes and pissed off old people all riled up. When the videos show well off white women (grrrrrrrr) being all well off and shit well then it's even better cu we know all women should be maids and secretaries. Yep, some kook burger place called the "Center for Medical Progress" which i assume, like "Americans for Prosperity" is named only ironically has released these videos and fueled AM radio scum for days. I haven't watched the videos because quite frankly I don't give a shit.

Planned Parenthood does good work. It saves lives when it's not aborting babies all the time or in the case of conservatives, doing D&C's. So I don't fucking care about edited videos. What I care about is honesty. And honestly, these Republican congress critters are liars and psychos. Now THAT makes me cringe.

Oh Iowa. Thanks a lot for your total irrelevance yet somehow, relevance. Please I beg you. Vote Trump.

Rolling Stones 2015!

Hey I've said some not so kind things about the Rolling Stones. I admit it. A parody of himself. A 70 year old man chicken dancing. A legendary guitarist who can't play anymore. Another guitarist who can't sober up. And the coolest drummer ever.

But in Kansas City in late June, only cuz the Max-man wanted to go see them, we went to Arrowhead Stadium.

Impressions:

1) Ed Sheeran is a great performer. He can sing, he can write songs, he can perform. I liked him a lot So did some 40 something woman who couldn't stop white people dancing for 40 minutes.

2) Rolling Stones fans are really old. Unlike me of course who is young and vibrant and doesn't have a gray hair on his head. OMG! Is that me? Never mind.

3) Rolling Stones fans are decrepit and love to drink. Shattered is now a song about Stones fans knees. My goodness, it was like looking at a Social Security disability rally. You really oughta take better care of yourselves. Now let's see if I can get up off this couch.

4) Drunk Rolling Stones fans in the upper deck of a football stadium with a close to 90 degree angle set of steps should not start dancing and twirling cuz OOPSSSSSS, down goes Frazier. You are going to kill yourself! How some people survived is a mystery.

5) Ok ok I was wrong about the Stones sucking as a live band. When I saw them in 1981 I didnt much care for them. Then I went back and saw the setlist from then. Yeah I understand you guys thought you were still relevant and shit back then but look at that setlist! No Sympathy, No Gimme Shelter, no Satisfaction? Instead I got a steady diet of She's So Cold, Shattered, Miss You and Hang Fire??? What the fuck! Now do you get it? In 2015 it was what it should have been back then. Look at this setlist from 2015.. My god. This stuff was classic. Street Fighting Man, thanks to Max voting for it online. Gimme Shelter with the great Lisa Fischer sending chills down your spine during Gimme Shelter. Happy, with Keith, one of the top 5 Stones tunes ever. Jack Flash, Sympathy, Satisfaction, goddam they played them all.

6) Mick Jagger is still a bit of a parody of himself but this man at 70 plus is amazing. He never stops going, he never stops running, he never stops overhand clapping. I love ya Mick.

7) Charlie Watts is still the coolest Stone. Period. The man visited the Jazz Museum and the Negro Leagues Museum while in Kansahhhs City. Charlie was introduced, reluctantly came off the drum set and waved with a puzzled look like why am I wearing this silly hat with KC on it? Charlie is the glue, man. Without him, the engine stops. Watching him drum at 75 years old is also amazing.

8) Keith Richards is actually articulate. I could understand almost 75% of what he said. Was that all an act, Keith? He can't really play anymore what with the arthritis and all but who cares? The licks he can play are still classic and a must.

9) Ronnie Wood. Yep, he's still around.

10) I do stand by my statement that the Stones haven't written a good song since about 1972. Sorry, but it's true. But then, again, either have the Beatles.

11) Concert merchandise is fucking expensive. A t-shirt for $45? Really? I haven't bought a concert tee since about 1984 when Bruce Springsteen was in these parts and I paid $10 for a t shirt that featured the Born in the USA tour dates on the back including a stop on "Oaklahoma City". I still have it. It covers up about half my gut now. But it was $10. Max, being a kid and all, had to have one. I was happy to buy it for him.

12) Driving 3 hours home in the dead of night in a rented VW Beetle can be harrowing. Just ask that family of 3 raccoons in the middle of I-29 somewhere around Glenwood. Oh sorry, I think maybe one survived the Beetle Blast. I still feel bad.

So glad we went as I can now stop thinking the Rolling Stones suck as a live band. Welcome to the oldies circuit boys. Us oldies appreciate NOT hearing Shattered or When the Whip Comes Down or the dreadful Miss You. Oh wait? What? I did hear that? No I didn't, that was bathroom break time. Thank you to my bladder.

Happy As A Tornado In A Trailer Park!

Have you had it with these assholes yet? I have, since I was about 5 back when this loser, treasonous, racist, keep me in the 19th century, white supremacist, look at me I'm such a rebel, look at me I'm such a dumbshit, look at me I am a loser, did I mention loser? flag first became all popular among the bigots who are all for states rights and hate minorities.

These are a bunch of Oklahomo-ans and probably Texass residents "greeting" President Blackenstein as he arrived in Oklahomo City to go be where he belongs, in a federal prison for all the crimes he's committed. Ya know, like providing health care for people and tripling the Dow Jones (no Okla-Texass that aint some pansy ass Jew from Noo York City)and killing all them Mooslims.

Holy shit on my shoes. You people are great. Keep it up. Greet President Black Panther with that flag of treason and genocide everyplace he goes. Follow him around in your truck and wave that shit for brains flag all the fucking time. Please. And keep denying its all about race and slavery. Yep, I learned that in my Texass textbook. Keep it up. In fact start following Hillary around with the flag that tells everyone looking all across the nation that I am a racist piece of shit and I vote Republican.

Look at that picture. They all look the same. Camo cap, beards and a dead eyed glaze that says more where's the nearest 3.2 beer coming from than boy am I proud I'm from a land of losers. And yes, how does it feel to be in the back of the bus, so to speak, with all those minorities in front of you thrilled to be taking pictures of President Uppity?

Goddam, there isn't going to be a Republican President again in my lifetime!

Wave it!

PS-- ya know they just love their Jesus in Oklahoma but as they say, Jesus would never have been born there. Something about a lack of 3 wise men. No joke, just fact.

2016? Is That The Number Of Republican Candidates?

Oh politics. I am so sick of all these motherfuckers I cannot even believe the sincerity when they express sadness over the weekly mass murder that makes us all proud of our Second Amendment. And there's a goddam 16 months to go until the next Democratic president wins. But until then let us look at the field for the 2016 Who Wants to be Bought by a Billionaire Derby.

The Republicans have so many delusional assholes who believe people will vote for them with anything other than a hatred of the blacks or the browns or the reds or the yellows or the gays it has become comical.

Here is my list, in order of my preference, and my preference of course is purely based on entertainment value, and the hope for a landslide win for Hill or Joe or Bernie or Barack after he declares martial law and jails all the nuts in a Wal Mart along with the already jailed employees of Wal Mart.

1) Donald Milhouse Trump

Who the fuck else? This troll is a dream. With his hubris and his lies and his complete duping of dumb people, this guy is a candidate all Republicans can get behind. Cuz let's face it, the completely phony racism of this guy rivals only Saint Reagan for riling up the Mark Levin crowd. You may ask yourself how anyone with a functioning brain can do anything but have a hate/hate relationship with this bullshit artist, but let's face it, working brains are getting weaker and weaker. As far as I'm concerned, the dumber the better. Yer hired!

2) Ted Calgary Cruz

He looks like Squidward, he is hated by even Republican Senate assholes, and he's a fucking Canadian. This dick has announced he will personally block all of Obummer's nominees cuz he's all mad about a deal with Iran cuz he wants to send naive' kids to die so he can get a hard on or something. Cruz is "that guy". You know, "that guy". The guy who no matter what it is, he is the one screaming for attention cuz deep down he knows he's a dope.

3) Rick Don't Google Me Santorum

Ok, he's back. Why? His double digit beat down when he ran for re-election the the Senate in Pennsylvania wasn't enough to kill this guy? Santorum, always timely, this week compared the racist Confederate flag to the racist Planned Parenthood even though he doesnt really mind the loser Confederate flag that much. Margaret Sanger was a racist so uhhhhhhhh yeahhhhhhhh shut down PP. Yeah ok not at all racist Rick, your argument is pretty blahhhhhh

4 Ben Did I Operate On My Own Brain Carson

Ben. The latest guy Republicans shove forward to say heyyyyyyyy seeeee, I'm not a racist cuz I like Ben Carson and now I gotta go forward the latest not racist Obummer cartoon. Carson spent the last week raising money from totally not racists so he could live like a rockin neurosurgeon should. Rock on Doc.

5 Bobby Piyush Jindal

Yeah in India, Bobby is short for Piyush. I think. Jindal, probably more than the rest, couldn't wait to blame Chattanooga on Nobama. Firing away with his popgun mouth, Jindal claimed the actions of a lone nut shooting up a movie theater, oh sorry that was the white nut, the actions of a lone nut murdering 4 Marines and having one of "those" names (ya know like Piyush) was the result of Hussein Obammer not saying hey we are at war with radical Islam, now send that drone to totally not kill all those radical islamists. Jindal is so stupid he may move up on my dream list

6 Scott Rat Face Walker

This turd, who apparently masturbates when he hears the name "Reagan" which explains why his family won't let him watch The Exorcist cuz who needs a grown man furiously playing with himself while some 14 year old girl jams a crucifix in her nether regions. Walker, who cuts $250 million from the University of Wisconsin budget while expressing support to give $400 million of taxpayer money to billionaires to build a new arena for some basketball team that hasn't won since Kareem was Lou. Fuck this guy.

7 Carly Are You Still Here Fiorina

Yeah yeah she ran HP into the ground and got millions for her efforts. Yeah yeah she ran for Senate and got more millions for her efforts. Why is she still here? Oh yeah, she's the seeeeeee I am not a sexist pig cuz I like her and Michelle Obummer has a fat ass and Hillary has cankles. Carly Fiorina was interviewed by that commie Katie Couric and said that even though climate change may be real China doesn't give a shit so we shouldn't give a shit either. And what newspapers do you read?

8 Chris Lap Band Surgeon Doesn't Want You to Endorse Him Christie

Ok Tony Soprano. The thought of an actual bum fight between him and Trump on a stage during a debate is just plain awesome. Uh yeah Donnie Junior kick his ass for me. Christie is just so bad he explains his dismal approval rating in Joisey by claiming its cuz they want him to stay Governor and not be President. Keep eating those no fat donuts Christophahhhhhhh. Christie is blaming liberals for the recent murders in San Francisco and DC cuz ya know, libs let people outta the hoosegow really early and probably tell em to go kill people. Christie should probably be higher on the list. His meltdown is days away. All the time.

9 Marco Polo Rubio

this lying sack of medianoche was across the river last night and was greeted by dozens of Republican hipsters at Bass Pro Shop. Rubio is one of those guys. You know the guy who is so horrified by the deaths of 4 Marines by Mohammed Abdul Somebody and couldn't give jack shit about 9 people slaughtered by a white guy named Dylan. War War War. Rubio hates the Iran Deal because well uhhhhhhh I just do. He wants war goddamit. Now go hide in your bunker.

10 Rick Mister Peepers Perry

This guy fell down the list badly cuz he actually made sense for the first time in his miserable life by slamming the Donald. Of course, Trump then Rick Rolled Perry by demanding he take an IQ test before being allowed in the debate. Man, would that be ugly. For all of them. "A toxic mix of demagoguery and nonsense" to describe Trump? Who wrote that for you Rick?

11 Mike Shower Boy Huckabee

This guy is a walking gaffe. If he's not creeping out 14 year old girls by slobbering about how he wanted to shower with them cuz of Caitlin Jenner he's claiming he can win the black vote cuz he was all down with the brothers when he was Governor of Arkansas. Yeah I guess cuz he didnt stand in a schoolhouse door he's a really compassionate guy. Mike, listen, when you spend the last 7 years ripping a presidential black guy a new one day after day you can't suddenly say "right on" and crank up the Wild Cherry.

12 Lindsey Oh Mah Stars Graham

this fucking guy has made sense for about two weeks now. First was the very human Joe Biden moment for which I may never forgive him for (cuz I want to hate his guts so bad) and then the climate change moment. And then reality sets back in and the Iran deal fucks up Lindsey's war hysteria. How can I start a wah-yahhhhhh if they keep making deals? Oh Lindsey, stick to being human please.

13 John Governor of Where Kasich

Oh Governor John. You are a waking contradiction. You took the free Medicaid money which any half intelligent Governor would do unless they were a rich motherfucking Trust Fund Baby. Then you try to relate to blue collar voters and they look at you like who the fuck are you and why are you screwing up my break? I hope you like governing Ohio or Iowa or Idaho or wherever you govern, John, cuz you'll be doing it again soon.

14 Rand Freedom Unless I Am Offended Paul

Is he still running? Did his hair jump off his head and run away? Oh yeah he's still out there. Restrict immigration from Mooslim countries cuz of Chattanooga and freedom. And no highway money cuz of Planned Parenthood and freedom. Yeah fuck you 'Merica, go drive into a giant sinkhole on I-80 for all I care, that Planned Parenthood doing all that legal shit is outrageous!

15 Jeb I Really May Be The Dumb One Bush

He's gonna win. He's gonna buy it. Y'all know that right? Everybody's favorite Uber enthusiast couldn't even bullshit a driver to even lie into saying he's vote for him. How's he gonna convince everybody else? Well he may cuz he's just that bad. I mean come on , consulting his brother, the war criminal, on furrin policy? Convincing people he's "moderate". Come on now. Terry Schiavo anyone? Bush is well, a Bush. That name is good enough to convince the dullards who actually make nominees say ehhhhhhhhhhhh well at least I've heard that name someplace. Yikes.

The rest of them don't hit radar or sonar or even GPS. Pataki? Too Jewy for most mouth breathers. Gilmore? Didn't he have some girls or something? Ehrlich? He's the horse an egomaniacal owner sticks in the Kentucky Derby that has no chance.

And yeah I left some Republican contenders off . Like Hillary Clinton. Feel the Bern baby!