Masterpieces!

Nothing has pissed me off lately, other than certain basketball teams that have either won or lost, so I really want to talk about stuff I actually love for a change in honor of the hateful Fred Phelps.

Music has saved my life, and yes I mean literally, on more than one occasion. Listening to The Beatles, jamming to Neil Young, putting the brain on hold with 60's bubblegum or getting all what the fuck with Pink Floyd music has taken me from the depths of depression and self loathing to middle ground and self loathing which is normal to me. Not being a medication type, I have no idea what happy Max's Dad would be like. Frankly, it scares me.

But the music I listen to in an attempt to chill always ends up back at the basics. The Beatles. And then everybody else is 31 lengths back in 2nd place depending on my mood. The Doors, The Stones, Neil Young, CSN&Y, Simon & Garfunkel, The Who, U2, REM, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, The Airplane, Phish, Willie Nelson, Miles Davis, Joe Williams, Ella, Tom Jones, Alanis Morrisette, Chicago, The Doobies, Bob Dylan, The Monkees, Boston, Linda Ronstadt, Wynton Marsalis, or many others can come in 2nd depending on my mood. But the Beatles are always are number one. Period.

Masterpieces. What are masterpieces? The best anyone can ever do. And with that in mind here we go.

The Beatles:

Worst Beatles Song:

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

Sorry George, you made my favorite solo album of all four Beatles, All Things Must Pass, but this song so reminds me of Eric Clapton, the most overrated musician of all time, I cannot stand it. It's on a level with crap like Cocaine, the acoustic version of Layla, After Midnight, Tears From Heaven or basically anything else Clapton has subjected us to. Sorry, Clapton fans, I know he's God to many of you, he is a phone it in hack to me.

My favorite Beatles song:

I Am The Walrus- I have no idea why I can listen to this weird ass song over and over and don't care who remakes it. I love it like no other song they ever did. And I loved Bono's version, Jim Carrey did it, I once saw a chorus sing it at a Cheap Trick show and it kicked ass too. I discovered this in 1968 when as a wee lad I bought the 45 of Hello Goodbye at Hospe's Music at the Village. I am the Walrus was the B side. B side my ass!


Beatles Masterpiece:

A Day In The Life. What else can it possibly be? Oh I know there are tons of them that could be, but to me, this song is their masterpiece because you get both geniuses, John and Paul, in one song. From the beginning piano notes and John's "I read the news today" to Paul's "woke up fell out of bed" and back to John and that last note this thing is on par with anything anybody ever wrote. Ever.

One of the happiest moments of my life was seeing Paul McCartney sing his part of the song in person and having the brains to let somebody else do John's part. You could have struck me dead at that moment and it would have been fine because I'd seen it all.

That's my take on the Beatles. In the future other groups will endure my wrath, praise and devotion. Depending on when I get pissed or am pretty mellow like now.

Wait, what did Ted Cruz say???

Republican Sweep!!!

A special election to replace dead Congressman Bill Young (Secretary Marryer-Fl)was held yesterday in Florida, so actually it's just a good thing no Republican voter shot a few black Democrats for threatening their way of life. The result was a good one for the Republicans who kept a seat they've had since about 1836 when Young was first elected on the Slave In Every Pot platform.

The new congressman-elect is one David Jolly (Bribe Artist-Fl)a former lobbyist and another bitch of the Koch Brothers. Jolly spent the entire campaign, or rather spent Koch Brothers money hollering Obamacare is going to take all your Medicare money and death panel you into the Gulf of Mexico as fish food. Old white people are sick to death of Obamacare stealing all their free money and giving it to the blacks and browns and all the rest of the 47% so they scootered out on their Medicare scooters and voted Republican cuz they are sick of all the freeloaders.

Meanwhile the Democrats and their loser chick candidate Alex Sink (Actually Lost To Rick Scott-Fl)are finished as a national party because of this election. It's obvious that soon enough, because of the overwhelming hatred of the Dictator Barack Hussein Obama (Anti-Christ-Kenya)that Republicans will win every single seat in Congress in 2014 by yelling Obamacare will murder you in your sleep and the Socialist Marxist Nazi Secretly Gay Obama will be impeached by a huge 535-0 margin very quickly in 2015 and everything will be fine.

Yep, it's gonna happen in 2015. Impeachment. And then the patriotic Republicans will take us back into the Garden of Eden where no gays can get married, guns are everywhere, white people can shoot anybody as long as they aren't white, abortion is not even thought of because all babies are precious unless they grow a little and want a fucking free lunch at the voucher school led by the Christians with only minor child abuse convictions, the sludge and gases pumped into the sky and water mean JOBS JOBS JOBS, the science gets a lot easier because everything is made by God, the Russians become pussies because of God's huge nuke he gave us, Allah believing Muslims will be forced to stop all that creepy chanting and listen to the soothing bells of St Marys, all the Mexicans will be deported back behind that dang fence, Liberty University will become the Harvard of the Jesus States of America and Medicare and Social Security will be eliminated and the savings be given to the Koch Brothers because they worked hard for it while you slacked of your whole life.

Ahhhh, 2015, now that David Jolly (Future Nobody-Fl) has shown the entire political pundit world that the Republicans are the force that cannot be stopped, even by an unstoppable juggernaut-ette named Alex Sink (Bank of America Hack-Fl), just don't even hold elections this fall. All you Democrats, just give it up now. It's hopeless.

The only problem is, I am not so sure most wimps who calls themselves Democrats don't actually feel that way.

One Flew Over The CPACS Nest!

Cool. A turtle with a gun. Boners popped all over CPAC14 when that slow moving barrier to progress sauntered out with his gun and a look on his face like what the fuck am I supposed to do with this thing? Mitch was actually giving the gun away to Tom Coburn (NotAsBadAsImhofeButClose-OK)with no background check so yay for him!

CPAC is almost and I cannot stop watching the damn thing. Well, I lied. Actually I can't bring myself to watch at least on purpose. I was watching what I thought was Hannibal last night when it turned out to be even more horrifying that I was actually watching Rand Paul quoting Roger Waters, man. Aqua Buddha quoting Roger Waters to a room full of clueless nerds is like when Saint Ronnie Reagan quoted liberal scum Bruce Springsteen to a crowd full of clueless nerds birth parents. Man, these conservative rubes are just so out of it it makes me want to quote Ted Nugent to a roomful of under aged "legitimate" rape victims.

There is so much crazy going on at CPAC14 it often looks like The Chief is gonna pick up the nearest water fountain and throw it though the window of the Gaylord (really? a Gay Lord? CPAC?) National to escape his shitty busboy job.

Rick Perry(ClosetCase-Tx) spoke yesterday. Wearing glasses to make him look even nerdier, the Texas troubador spewed forth what they call red meat to the snarling attendees. Same old bullshit but what really struck me was that Rickey P apparently has found the three government agencies he wanted to eliminate back in 2012 when he blew up by going "oops". Perry blathered "Get out of the health-care business. Get out of the education business. Deliver the mail on time and on Saturday." Ok Rick, so you want to get rid of Medicare, Medicaid, public schools and want to keep the United States Mail Service going at a billions of dollars deficit? Shrewwwwwd, y'all!

Donald Trump (Casino Buster-NY) not only mistakenly killed off Jimmy Carter, he quoted South Park, well in a roundabout way by telling the future Wall Street crooks in attendance that the "illegal immigrants" are "takin your jobs" . Oh yeah, the CPAC geeks wanna work at a slaughterhouse? Wow. More shrewd.

Mike Huckabee (Libido Killer-Ar), though he's not really sure he's running for President in 2016 (can christians lie like that?) went after Hillary by the whole Benghazi Benghazi Blowjob Benghazi screed. Huckabee, the former Chris Christie lookalike of Arkansas, cant stop blaming tragedy, whether it be a massacre of children, or the murder of an Ambassador he had no idea of until it became politically advantageous, on the abortion pills evil Obamacare will force Hobby Lobby to provide to its slutty libido crazy clerks. Mike, go back to stuffing your issues down your throat and stop vomiting your issues on everybody else.

Finally, today will feature the highly anticipated closing remarks of one Sarah Palin (Reality Show Con Artist-AZ) who will get all comfy and cozy and do all that talkin and stuff about dat liberal media gosh darn it and da whole You-Krane ting where she would solve it by just bein all folksy and charmin dat Pootin guy while dat Obama character just keeps hopin and changin America to da socialist wasteland it will become. Check this wenches tax returns since John McCain unleashed the fury on us. She's doin pretty good for herself connin da hicks and rubes. Tanks, Obama!

CPAC Over The Cuckoos Nest.

Ryan's Dope!

That is Wisconsin vampire Paul Ryan (EddieMunster-Wi) speaking in front of that devil sponsored CPAC convention. You know the Conservative Political Action Conference, that yearly event where Republican doughboys go to snarl at the poor and meet up at the Ziegfields/Secrets in their Ronald Reagan leather masks after the snarling is done for the day.

I challenge you to listen to that failed Veep candidate carry on about how the poor don't give a shit about their children like "they" do and not want to reach through the screen and throttle that jug eared motherfucker. This guy has gone beyond pissing me off now. This widow peaked fuckstick, who survived on his dead Daddy's Social Security benefits, slipping in some bullshit story told to him by a hack out of Scott Walker's office about a little boy who just wanted a sack lunch and no Government cheese.

“What they’re offering people is a full stomach and an empty soul.”

Excuse me while I clean the vomit off my keyboard. You, you pious cheese chomping prick, offer an empty stomach AND an empty soul.

No wonder Uncle Joe was laughing at YOUR empty soul.

What's The Matter With Nebraska?

Geez, I usually have to wait at least a week or so before I have to take back something I said. Well here goes. That Nebraska movie, where I said we all have common sense and are really nice? Fuck that!

We have a Governor's race here where we get to replace a short little Republican fuck with another perhaps taller Republican fuck. Now last time we had a Governor's race, and by governor's race I mean the 2006 Republican primary because the Democrats put up a scarecrow every 4 years now, we had a race between a classy, legendary football coach named Tom Osborne and a guy from Fremont who used to dress in a little suit when he was a wee Fremonter (he still is wee, I mean when when he was 8) and pretend he was Governor of Nebraska. The football coach lost, thank Gawd, and went on to save the Huskers from the clutches of Bill Callahan. The tiny Fremonter won and then was re-elected in 2010 when the Democrats found the one guy in the state who was a crooked Democrat and he dropped out.

Now the current Governor, have I mentioned his name is Dave "Fremonter" Heineman, has to leave cuz of that whole two terms thing and a whole new set of assholes have crawled out from under the rocks. Despite Heineman's right wing prick reign here, he was never a loudmouthed Mark Levin type. Now......oh my......nothing but loud mouthed asswipes are vying to get the Republican nutjob vote.

Their ads are goddamned awful as they vie to be the most right wingy , pro life, pro gun, pro being a dick candidate ever. Fuck Mexicans, fuck women, fuck pussies with no guns, fuck President Blackenstein, fuck liberals, fuck homos, fuck poor children, fuck everybody except the oppressed white Christian male majority and their subservient women.

This is the future for a decent people? I mean one of these shitheels, current Attorney General Jon "Fish Eyes" Bruning has photos of himself glaring at Nobama and promising to "fight" him. I assume Bruning will leave his sheet at home.

Pete Ricketts is a rich prick from Chicago who keeps his house here so he can run for office every once in a while and has new hope since his Daddy bought our current United States Puppet Senator, Debbie Fischer (Rickettsbitch-Ne)a nice cushy job for 6 years in 2012. That after Daddy failed to buy Petey a Senate seat back in 2006.

Beau McCoy is another jackoff who apparently is running against Rachel Maddow. Jesus, Beau, nobody voting in the Republican primary knows what she looks like because they have their grizzled mugs staring at Megyn Kelly with their hands in their pants every night. Give it up.

The rest of these Republicans are nobodies. Same old ads. Same old stances. I'm just waiting for the lynching Obama ad which will take one over the top.

I weep for my state. Well, not really. I just am very sad these dicks have taken over here too. Welcome to Kansas. What's wrong with us?

We're Still Number One!

33 dead in Chinese knife attack. 109 injured in Chinese knife attack. And it took a "gang" to do it?

Cue the NRA child murder advocates to gloat about "Knife control" or "good guys with guns".

China is full of pussies. Come on China.5 people kill 33? Damn, we have assholes who could kill 33 with one fucking gun all by themselves.

U S A! U S A!

Oscar Time!

Oh where's the time gone again. It's Oscar time where conservative America gets to make fun of the only rich people they don't like and wonder how Alone Yet Not Alone got screwed over by those liberal Hollywood types.

It took me awhile but I've seen 99% of the so called good movies and a lot of some that weren't so good. In fact I paid money to see that piece of dung called The Counselor. Never in my life did I think I would be repulsed by Cameron Diaz. Thanks, Counselor.

My Top 10 of 2013 goes as follows:

10) Inside Llewyn Davis --Damn how I wanted to love this movie. Crissakes, I went to the local snobby movies theater and paid outrageous amounts of cash to see this before it went to the chains. Oh well. Hey, don't get me wrong, The Coens made another good movie. It was well done, well acted and the soundtrack kicks ass if you're into wimpy folk music with meaningful lyrics. But.....I didn't love it like I wanted to. Some old guy (and by old I mean one day older than me) exclaimed outside the theater "I looked forward to this movie for a long time and it wasn't that good". Yep.

9) Blackfish --this was the best documentary of the year. And I saw at least 2 or 3 so take my expertise for what it's worth. But the storyline made me hurt. The abuse, the indifference and the total lack of compassion for these magnificent killer whales made me angry. Yeah yeah, I know Sea World is pissing and moaning and the backlash is out there from the animal abuse advocates but see this at all costs. Make up your own mind if sticking a St.Bernard into a cage meant for a Yorkie flies with you.

8)Rush --hey I'm not fan of car racing, Ron Howard movies or rod up the ass Austrians but this movie actually thrilled me. It made me realize there's a bit of Formula One racing fan inside me. The sounds, the speed and the drivers not named Darryl or Dale or Ricky Bobby were very appealing. I would see this again in a heartbeat. And Daniel Bruhl and Chris Hemsworth can really git er done.

7)Saving Mr.Banks . Oh I know this was trashed as Disney propaganda and there is no one who hates what has become of Disney more than me. But dammit, this was back before Walt died and the bullshit was still somewhat real. Yeah yeah I know P L Travers was a horrid woman and a lesbian and probably went to Sea World and cackled at Shamu's fate but Emma Thompson is brilliant in this role. Tome Hanks is brilliant. Paul Giamatti redeemed himself from being that awful slave owner in 12 Years. But Colin Farrell as the drunken father of the young Ms. Travers was the one you couldn't take your eyes off. Everybody complains that Emma Thompson got fucked out of a nomination. Hey what about Colin Farrell?

6) Mud --this is McConaughey's year. All right all right all right.. This little movie features Matthew McConaughey as a kind of spiritual,chipped tooth mystic to two teenaged boys. For an indie, this one made my damn day the day we saw it. See it.

5) Captain Phillips-Paul Greengrass cannot make a bad movie. This flick has incredible tension when you know the ending already. That's not easy to do. Tom Hanks in the last 5 minutes of this thriller does the best acting of his life. It got dusty in the room when I saw him in shock at what he'd been through. He wins Max's Dad's Oscar. It was also great that Greengrass did not turn the Somalis into cartoons. Yep, they are criminals, but at least an attempt to understand was made. "I'm da captain now" and "maybe in America" were fucking powerful lines.

4) The Wolf of Wall Street--the hype over this movie made afraid to see it. It's porn, it's over the top, it's ridiculous, it glorifies greed. Really? It was Scorcese's Goodfellas on PCP. If you've seen Scorcese over the years and worship at his altar as I do well it really wasn't all that shocking. Reprehensible people doing reprehensible things. That's what Marty does. If you liked anyone in this movie other than Kyle Chandler's stand up guy FBI agent, well then, go fuck yourself. Oops, went a little Wolf there.

3)Her --Joaquin Phoenix got hosed too on the nomination process. Spike Jonze makes some weird, wonderful movies. You cannot deny his creativity and the ability to come up with new ideas. This movie about a guy in the not too distant future who develops a relationship with a voice on a computer can either frighten you or thrill you. Personally it frightened me that this IS the future. There is no doubt that eventually people will become content with this kind of "relationship". Good luck humanity. I'll be long gone.

2) 12 Years A Slave --its hard to watch. It's hard to endure. But it's Schindler's List like brutality hits you like a punch to the gut. Goddamn, I don't know how actors say these things, do these things and become such hateable people. But Michael Fassbender, Paul Giamatti, Sarah Paulson and Paul Dano are all the worst characters ever. Ralph Fiennes in Schindler's List has competition. Everybody talks about the whipping scene as being the worst but tell me that watching Chiwetel Ejiofor hang with just his tippy toes hitting dirt while people go about their daily duties isn't the fucking worst thing you witnessed at a movie in 2013.

1) Nebraska --hey I know all of these people so maybe THIS was the best documentary of the year. Hey, like Fargo did in Minnesota, it pissed off many here in Nebraska as portraying us as rubes and hicks and dumb. Wrong. It portrays us as we are and if the truth hurts, well so be it. These people in Fargo and now Nebraska are decent and good folks and if you let that go over your head because you want to appeal to the coasts, tough. Some people already think we live in flyover country (and they are correct) so a film featuring plain talking Woody Allen intellectuals isn't gonna change anybody's mind. Live with it. This movie is a wonderful exercise in storytelling and Will Forte keeps it all together in an underrated performance. This is my best movie of 2013 and if you think I'm prejudiced for Alexander Payne well you are correct. I think the man is brilliant.

Fruitvale Station would be 11. Dallas Buyers Club would be 12 and McConaughey and Leto are both worthy Oscar winners. Blue Jasmine and it's you are who you are message was 13. All three movies are worth watching.

Now about Gravity. Ehhh. I saw it in 3D. Great effects. But would I see it on a regular screen or on television? I don't really know. It wasn't bad but it did not move me like it should have.

American Hustle? Couldn't stand it. Other than Robert DeNiro's surprise cameo, in which he shut down Christian Bale's DeNiro impression as far as I'm concerned, this movie was just a bad Wolf of Wall Street. Reprehensible people doing the reprehensible things. But this time there was no Kyle Chandler as a All American FBI guy, just Bradley Cooper's permed scuzzbucket FBI agent.

There it is. I'll be watching the Oscars just like everybody else. I'll be ashamed of myself throughout because I actually give a shit. But whatever, like Sally Hawkins in Blue Jasmine, I am who I am.