Oscar Time!

Oh where's the time gone again. It's Oscar time where conservative America gets to make fun of the only rich people they don't like and wonder how Alone Yet Not Alone got screwed over by those liberal Hollywood types.

It took me awhile but I've seen 99% of the so called good movies and a lot of some that weren't so good. In fact I paid money to see that piece of dung called The Counselor. Never in my life did I think I would be repulsed by Cameron Diaz. Thanks, Counselor.

My Top 10 of 2013 goes as follows:

10) Inside Llewyn Davis --Damn how I wanted to love this movie. Crissakes, I went to the local snobby movies theater and paid outrageous amounts of cash to see this before it went to the chains. Oh well. Hey, don't get me wrong, The Coens made another good movie. It was well done, well acted and the soundtrack kicks ass if you're into wimpy folk music with meaningful lyrics. But.....I didn't love it like I wanted to. Some old guy (and by old I mean one day older than me) exclaimed outside the theater "I looked forward to this movie for a long time and it wasn't that good". Yep.

9) Blackfish --this was the best documentary of the year. And I saw at least 2 or 3 so take my expertise for what it's worth. But the storyline made me hurt. The abuse, the indifference and the total lack of compassion for these magnificent killer whales made me angry. Yeah yeah, I know Sea World is pissing and moaning and the backlash is out there from the animal abuse advocates but see this at all costs. Make up your own mind if sticking a St.Bernard into a cage meant for a Yorkie flies with you.

8)Rush --hey I'm not fan of car racing, Ron Howard movies or rod up the ass Austrians but this movie actually thrilled me. It made me realize there's a bit of Formula One racing fan inside me. The sounds, the speed and the drivers not named Darryl or Dale or Ricky Bobby were very appealing. I would see this again in a heartbeat. And Daniel Bruhl and Chris Hemsworth can really git er done.

7)Saving Mr.Banks . Oh I know this was trashed as Disney propaganda and there is no one who hates what has become of Disney more than me. But dammit, this was back before Walt died and the bullshit was still somewhat real. Yeah yeah I know P L Travers was a horrid woman and a lesbian and probably went to Sea World and cackled at Shamu's fate but Emma Thompson is brilliant in this role. Tome Hanks is brilliant. Paul Giamatti redeemed himself from being that awful slave owner in 12 Years. But Colin Farrell as the drunken father of the young Ms. Travers was the one you couldn't take your eyes off. Everybody complains that Emma Thompson got fucked out of a nomination. Hey what about Colin Farrell?

6) Mud --this is McConaughey's year. All right all right all right.. This little movie features Matthew McConaughey as a kind of spiritual,chipped tooth mystic to two teenaged boys. For an indie, this one made my damn day the day we saw it. See it.

5) Captain Phillips-Paul Greengrass cannot make a bad movie. This flick has incredible tension when you know the ending already. That's not easy to do. Tom Hanks in the last 5 minutes of this thriller does the best acting of his life. It got dusty in the room when I saw him in shock at what he'd been through. He wins Max's Dad's Oscar. It was also great that Greengrass did not turn the Somalis into cartoons. Yep, they are criminals, but at least an attempt to understand was made. "I'm da captain now" and "maybe in America" were fucking powerful lines.

4) The Wolf of Wall Street--the hype over this movie made afraid to see it. It's porn, it's over the top, it's ridiculous, it glorifies greed. Really? It was Scorcese's Goodfellas on PCP. If you've seen Scorcese over the years and worship at his altar as I do well it really wasn't all that shocking. Reprehensible people doing reprehensible things. That's what Marty does. If you liked anyone in this movie other than Kyle Chandler's stand up guy FBI agent, well then, go fuck yourself. Oops, went a little Wolf there.

3)Her --Joaquin Phoenix got hosed too on the nomination process. Spike Jonze makes some weird, wonderful movies. You cannot deny his creativity and the ability to come up with new ideas. This movie about a guy in the not too distant future who develops a relationship with a voice on a computer can either frighten you or thrill you. Personally it frightened me that this IS the future. There is no doubt that eventually people will become content with this kind of "relationship". Good luck humanity. I'll be long gone.

2) 12 Years A Slave --its hard to watch. It's hard to endure. But it's Schindler's List like brutality hits you like a punch to the gut. Goddamn, I don't know how actors say these things, do these things and become such hateable people. But Michael Fassbender, Paul Giamatti, Sarah Paulson and Paul Dano are all the worst characters ever. Ralph Fiennes in Schindler's List has competition. Everybody talks about the whipping scene as being the worst but tell me that watching Chiwetel Ejiofor hang with just his tippy toes hitting dirt while people go about their daily duties isn't the fucking worst thing you witnessed at a movie in 2013.

1) Nebraska --hey I know all of these people so maybe THIS was the best documentary of the year. Hey, like Fargo did in Minnesota, it pissed off many here in Nebraska as portraying us as rubes and hicks and dumb. Wrong. It portrays us as we are and if the truth hurts, well so be it. These people in Fargo and now Nebraska are decent and good folks and if you let that go over your head because you want to appeal to the coasts, tough. Some people already think we live in flyover country (and they are correct) so a film featuring plain talking Woody Allen intellectuals isn't gonna change anybody's mind. Live with it. This movie is a wonderful exercise in storytelling and Will Forte keeps it all together in an underrated performance. This is my best movie of 2013 and if you think I'm prejudiced for Alexander Payne well you are correct. I think the man is brilliant.

Fruitvale Station would be 11. Dallas Buyers Club would be 12 and McConaughey and Leto are both worthy Oscar winners. Blue Jasmine and it's you are who you are message was 13. All three movies are worth watching.

Now about Gravity. Ehhh. I saw it in 3D. Great effects. But would I see it on a regular screen or on television? I don't really know. It wasn't bad but it did not move me like it should have.

American Hustle? Couldn't stand it. Other than Robert DeNiro's surprise cameo, in which he shut down Christian Bale's DeNiro impression as far as I'm concerned, this movie was just a bad Wolf of Wall Street. Reprehensible people doing the reprehensible things. But this time there was no Kyle Chandler as a All American FBI guy, just Bradley Cooper's permed scuzzbucket FBI agent.

There it is. I'll be watching the Oscars just like everybody else. I'll be ashamed of myself throughout because I actually give a shit. But whatever, like Sally Hawkins in Blue Jasmine, I am who I am.