Cool. A turtle with a gun. Boners popped all over CPAC14 when that slow moving barrier to progress sauntered out with his gun and a look on his face like what the fuck am I supposed to do with this thing? Mitch was actually giving the gun away to Tom Coburn (NotAsBadAsImhofeButClose-OK)with no background check so yay for him!
CPAC is almost and I cannot stop watching the damn thing. Well, I lied. Actually I can't bring myself to watch at least on purpose. I was watching what I thought was Hannibal last night when it turned out to be even more horrifying that I was actually watching Rand Paul quoting Roger Waters, man. Aqua Buddha quoting Roger Waters to a room full of clueless nerds is like when Saint Ronnie Reagan quoted liberal scum Bruce Springsteen to a crowd full of clueless nerds birth parents. Man, these conservative rubes are just so out of it it makes me want to quote Ted Nugent to a roomful of under aged "legitimate" rape victims.
There is so much crazy going on at CPAC14 it often looks like The Chief is gonna pick up the nearest water fountain and throw it though the window of the Gaylord (really? a Gay Lord? CPAC?) National to escape his shitty busboy job.
Rick Perry(ClosetCase-Tx) spoke yesterday. Wearing glasses to make him look even nerdier, the Texas troubador spewed forth what they call red meat to the snarling attendees. Same old bullshit but what really struck me was that Rickey P apparently has found the three government agencies he wanted to eliminate back in 2012 when he blew up by going "oops". Perry blathered "Get out of the health-care business. Get out of the education business. Deliver the mail on time and on Saturday." Ok Rick, so you want to get rid of Medicare, Medicaid, public schools and want to keep the United States Mail Service going at a billions of dollars deficit? Shrewwwwwd, y'all!
Donald Trump (Casino Buster-NY) not only mistakenly killed off Jimmy Carter, he quoted South Park, well in a roundabout way by telling the future Wall Street crooks in attendance that the "illegal immigrants" are "takin your jobs" . Oh yeah, the CPAC geeks wanna work at a slaughterhouse? Wow. More shrewd.
Mike Huckabee (Libido Killer-Ar), though he's not really sure he's running for President in 2016 (can christians lie like that?) went after Hillary by the whole Benghazi Benghazi Blowjob Benghazi screed. Huckabee, the former Chris Christie lookalike of Arkansas, cant stop blaming tragedy, whether it be a massacre of children, or the murder of an Ambassador he had no idea of until it became politically advantageous, on the abortion pills evil Obamacare will force Hobby Lobby to provide to its slutty libido crazy clerks. Mike, go back to stuffing your issues down your throat and stop vomiting your issues on everybody else.
Finally, today will feature the highly anticipated closing remarks of one Sarah Palin (Reality Show Con Artist-AZ) who will get all comfy and cozy and do all that talkin and stuff about dat liberal media gosh darn it and da whole You-Krane ting where she would solve it by just bein all folksy and charmin dat Pootin guy while dat Obama character just keeps hopin and changin America to da socialist wasteland it will become. Check this wenches tax returns since John McCain unleashed the fury on us. She's doin pretty good for herself connin da hicks and rubes. Tanks, Obama!
CPAC Over The Cuckoos Nest.
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