This Week In Crazy!

If you can't smell the sulfur coming off that photo get your smelling checked. As Bob Dole once said its evil eviler and evilest or something like that. Ted Cruz picked a running mate for his imaginary presidential campaign this week and picked an imaginary human to boot. Carly Fiorina, a woman who makes Heidi Cruz seem like a grinning morning show host, is the perfect match to Cruz's vampire like persona. If he finally did bite her on her neck, what would come out? Vinegar?

This match up, of course a desperate attempt to pull the stupid women's vote away from Donald Trump, is often compared to the 1976 attempt by a losing Saint Ronald of Reagan to knock off the sleepy Gerald Ford by picking a moderate Senator from Pennsylvania named Richard Schweiker as his running mate before the convention. That didn't work , sorry Reagan apostles who think the man never made a bad decision in his life, and this won't either. Well first of all because this isn't 1976 when Republicans worshiped their money and didn't give two shits about that religious bullshit and the snake handling trailer dwellers who never voted. Second of all because Schweiker was an actual human with feelings and empathy and not a creepy ice queen from Once Upon A Time. And third of all, and how it pains me to say this, but Ted Cruz is no Saint Ronald De Reagan of Hollywood. Reagan The Good would look at Cruz, tilt his head and say in that grampa voice, "Well Ted, or whatever your name is, you're fucking nuts".

Donald Trump, LOL, made some sort of foreign policy speech this week to show how presidential he is. Toning it down, by not calling Angela Merkel a kraut I guess, Trump said the same old shit he's been spouting off to idiots for months, but in a much more boring way. America First, yayyy! Just like Charlie Lindbergh in 1939. Don't mess with 'Merica. Yay!!!! We're number one!! Yay!!! Trump's speech was praised by the suck ups of the Republican Has Been Club who have now decided that Trump is the best way to poke those stuffed shirts in the monocle. Yeah, people like Gingrich and the rest of the bitters know deep down this guy is a 60-40 loser to HER, but what the fuck. May as well ride the coaster right off the cliff and get some attention, right? Ann Coulter, the sadly brattish has been, called it the greatest foreign policy speech since 1981, which I assume was when she was only 150 years old.

Trump looks like he is inevitably going to take the Republicans down into a black hole of sludge so deep they may take 2 whole years to recover. Because in 2018 the old white people who vote put the Republican neanderthals back into Congress while millennials stay home and do whatever it is that will be hip in 2018. Sorry but I dont subscribe to the Trump= Death of the Republican Party Monthly. He is a blip on the radar screen of American History. A bit of American History X for sure, but just a blip. He is a clown, an entertainer, a pied piper for dumbasses. And he will lose, big, No I am not going to be sorry for what I wished for ,pundits. Trump is going to get crushed by HER. Period.

Finally, though I am still Feelin The Bern because there is no politician on earth I like more than Bernie Sanders, he looks old, and tired. Exhausted. 74 years old is still 74 years old. Bernie has energy and spunk and is clearly energized by the youngs and the olds like me who worship him for telling them they can go to college for free and Wall Street is the criminal class in this country. Never have I heard a successful politician say what he says and get so many votes. I've seen them all. I loved McGovern, I loved Kennedy, I loved Mondale, and well I really liked Jerry Brown and Gary Hart and Obama but Bernie Sanders strikes something in me and has since he was Mayor of Burlington,Vermont. I love the man. I want him around for a long long time. But Senator Sanders, you know it, I know it, the system is rigged against people like us. 1972 haunts Democrats to this day. That loss to Nixon has stained the soul of this party for way too long. Republicans dont give a shit about 1964 or 2008 or 2012, they just double down and get even more crazy. And they fucking win now and then. And its a disaster of monumental proportions. But they just keep on pumping the trickle down and the abortion and the evil gays and now the bathroom pervs who will molest your little girls and it works. Well it works well enough that if you suppress the poor vote and piss off old people and superstitious people with the means to go to the polls you can win on local and state levels. Too bad the Democrats haven't gotten over '72. Bernie Sanders was that way, but be safe, Dems, and nominate another corporate lackey with a penchant for hawkishness and just not as bad as Trump appeal. When will Democrats learn that no matter what you do, say, or think, the conservatives hate you. Always have always will. Because they want to. Because Rush or Levin or Fox tells them to. So, Bernie, it was a good fight again, but lets face it, we aint gonna win. And get some sleep, man.