I Don't Get It!!!!

I will be the first to admit this. I didn't get it. And I am not speaking ill of the dead here, but I am just admitting what may well be a flaw in my head, I didn't get Prince. He broke in the 80's. Didn't get it. Purple Rain hit the theaters. I didn't even like it. The symbol. Didn't get it. All of it. Sorry.

Prince died at age 57 this week. Prescription drugs? Seems to be the killer of the rich and famous the last few years. It also kills the poor, the middle class, the young, the old, the not so famous rich, everybody. But its all ok cuz the drug companies are doing it and not the dealer down the street. You aren't found dead in a back alley with a needle sticking out of your arm nowadays, you are found dead in your nice bed or lying on the bathroom floor. How quaint.

Prince was no doubt a genius. He was truly a creative maniac. But alas, even though he tragically died of whatever, didn't get it.

This reminds of other things people love that I don't get. And remember, I am a guy who can shuffle the I Pod and hear Korn or Mettalica followed by a nice pop tune from Abba or Bread for chrissakes. I get Abba but I don't get:

1) Queen--Sorry. I know Freddie Mercury was an icon prancing around singing songs unlike anything we'd ever heard. Killer Queen intrigued me when I first heard it. Then nothing else. Bohemian Rhapsody? Couldn't turn it off fast enough. Bicyele. Same. Under Pressure? Genius. Thanks, David Bowie.

2) Talking Heads-- Take Me To The River was fantastic. The cover of the Al Green classic was a perfect blend of soul and awkward white guy. Loved it. Then. Nothing. MTV came along and all this David Byrne guy became was a clown in a huge suit slapping his forehead. Not a fan. I preferred the Tubes.

3) Aerosmith- Saw them open for ZZ Top in 1974. Christ they were billed below Sugarloaf on the bill. But I saw potential in the Mick Jagger imitation. And then came the shit. You love em, I probably hate this band more than any other.

4) Madonna-- she came along with her gloves and her hats and her squeaky voice and her 14 year old girl music and I didn't get on board. Yeah 20 something white guys werent her demo but man this was lousy. It stayed that way. She's in it to shock. Big deal. Nothing was better than in her self aggrandizing movie Truth or Dare when Warren Beatty, hardly an adult himself, basically told her to grow up.

5) Silence of The Lambs--rad the book. Loved the book. Saw the movie. Hated every second of it. A high class slasher flick. Maybe my admiration of Manhunter, the Michael Mann movie from 1986 that stayed true to the book and didn't glorify what was actually a minor character in Hannibal Lechter.

6) Seinfeld--I watched very little of this show. I didnt have to. At the time I was part of a lunch group that on Fridays would talk about nothing but Seinfeld. I got sick of it. I tried to watch it and even though now that I do not have to hear about it I really see part of its appeal, but like th others, didnt get it. I watched the series finale with Seinfeld fans who hated it, and I liked it. Rot in jail you self centered assholes. I got that.

7) Friends--I can honestly say this. Just the song at the beginning turned me off and I never ever watched a single episode. So I guess I dont get it.

8) Coffee--tried to like the flaming hot liquid that on its own smelled so damn good. But couldn't develop the taste for it. Put whipped cream on it or pour vanilla in it or put my name on the cup, sorry, I dont get it. I'm an old guy who still drinks Diet Mountain Dew.

9) Cruises--Floating around on a boat with thousands of others isn't my idea of fun. I'd rather jump overboard and float on a door than walk around trapped on a bobbing theme park. But thats just me. I dont get it.

10) Super Hero Movies-- good lord I dont care. I saw Batman V Superman and the best part was the part that a lot of nerds flipped out over. Ben Affleck as Batman. He was fine. No he was great. I get that. But at the 2 hour mark when that Orc showed up and the movie became a CGI shitfest, I stopped getting it. Stop going to these movies. Please.

11) Catholocism--Oh I get the culture, I am one. Culturally this cult is brilliant in its brainwashing techniques. There is still some of it left in me I cannot get rid of. All that social justice shit they taught you but didn't mean never left me. But the rules? The things grown adults do after i assume they have reasoning enter their lives. Ashes on your head? Wipe em off for chrissakes. Fish on Friday? You are a grown man or woman. Eat what you like on whatever day you like. Finding a church in a strange city while on vacation so you can recite the script you memorized years before? Dont get it.

12) $30K a Year Republicans-- who actually gets that? Oh yeah, the Republican con artists do. In a scene from a Netflix show I am not sure I get, Orange is the New Black, a character I not only dont get but hate, Piper, asks another convict on a flight to a new prison what lies below them and the convict says "Just a lot of people voting against their own interests". That may be why I keep watching that show. I totally got that.

So rest in peace, Prince. Maybe at some point I will get it. But for now, sorry.