DC & NYC!

Yikes...finally...off the desert island of Writersblock-istan. It's not that I don't give a shit anymore but for awhile there, I just didn't give a shit. The constant bombardment of stewwwpid we get around here, and by here I mean Planet Earth, was just too overwhelming. So basically it was fuck everybody, humans can go extinct for all I care and while I'm at it fuck A Rod too. But then I looked at an 18 year old kid going off to college and thought, keep fighting,dumbass.

So, what have we been up to for 4 months? Lemme tell ya.

1) Went to Washington DC and New York for a week.

a) DC just pissed me off. I hate that den of corruption. It may be a good thing for middle schoolers to permeate the city like a plague of giggling termites because by the time you get to my age, you just want to tear the place to the ground and start over.

b) The only truly moving moment I had there was at the Holocaust Museum when you turn the corner and see the piles of shoes. I gasped. I teared up. It smelled like 75 year old shoes. It smelled of death. Giggle at that, middle schoolers.

c) I always thought when I saw the Vietnam Wall it would make me cry, or feel moved. Nope, it pissed me off. What a fucking waste of humanity. I know you apologized but fuck you, Robert McNamara.

d) Arlington Cemetery. What can you say? So large. So white. So filled with kids. JFK is there. So is Bobby. So is Teddy. That's one place none of that whore like Ricketts family will ever be.

e) Pandas at the National Zoo. Free to look at the pandas. Then you can leave.

f) Inedible lunch at the Smithsonian costs somewhere around the national debt level. Wow. It may be free to get in, but shit, if you wish to survive, you're scrwed.

g) Amtrak. Oh god, the Amtrak is unsafe, its a boondoggle, its just a waste of tax money, why don't you people ride the shuttle or get a limo like all of us Congressional assholes do? Peasants. Hey, all I can say is Amtrak got us to New York on time and I lived. So good for Amtrak.

h) I love New York almost as much as I love Chicago. And I love Chicago so much just a TV or movie shot of the Sears Tower makes me go HEY HEY!!! like Jack Brickhouse. Sears Tower, National Airport. Sorry, I don't call anything by its new name, especially if its bought or named after a man who ruined America.

i) Broadway is the most phenomenal thing EVER. To see Les Miz on Broadway, and see It's Only A Play on Broadway. Goddam! What can be better? I'd go broke there. And Nathan Lane just may be the funniest man alive.

j) David Letterman is a genius. I was so sad to see him go. Nobody is like him, nobody will ever be like him. And we saw one of his last shows live on a Thursday night. The 4-5 hour wait and the shit seats in the last row of the balcony not withstanding, to see him in person was thrilling to me.

k) The subway may be the greatest invention ever. Who needs a car there? That's why the streets are plugged full of nothing but yellow taxis and an occasional rube from Ohio who wandered in thinking he could park free at the local Motel 6.

l) Purely personal. My Dad went to Fordham University after he was through kicking Hitler's ass. He used to tell me how he would go to Yankee Stadium and see Ted Williams and to the Polo Grounds to see the Giants. When on a rainy bus tour, we saw Yankee Stadium and I asked the tour guide where the Polo Grounds were he said I'll mention it. Christ, Yankee Stadium is right across the Harlem River from where the Polo Grounds stood. I get it now, Dad. I could see him at both spots.

m) Times Square is as corporate as you can possibly get. Sbarros? Olive Garden? Red Lobster? McDonalds? M&M's store? Holy crap. I know they are the only ones that can afford the rent to be there, but jesus it was depressing.

n) Moving moment #2. After the shoes at the Holocaust Museum what could possibly be even more moving? Hey, it's the 9/11 museum or whatever it is at Ground Zero. Last time we were at Ground Zero it was still a gigantic hole in the ground. Now its a huge Tower and a museum. Go to the museum , walk through, and then you turn a corner and hear it. The hundreds of distress signals. The beeping of distress signals. Ugh! It is THE thing from 9/11 I can never forget. The day after day of that sound coming from the rubble as rescuers searched for anything that may have survived. I couldnt get out of there fast enough.

Thats part of April in the last 4 months of Max's Dad. More to come.