Joe Ricketts. A nice old man from Omaha. Joe hates the black guy in the White House. His two trust fund sons, Tom and Pete and Todd , hate the black guy in the White House. Joe bought the Chicago Cubs (this guy is a financial genius?) and promised to turn that turd of a franchise into a World Series champion. All the while, 38,000 idiots show up every night and spend all their money supporting these losers, heyyyyyyyyy wait a minute, maybe Joe Ricketts isn't so dumb after all.
Joe Ricketts got rich, billionaire rich, by appealing to arrogant cheap-asses. Starting TD Ameritrade, a discount brokerage house, Joe got wealthy by letting people do their own trading and not charging an arm and a leg to do it. This appeals to the arrogant and the skinflints (an old word Joe would know). Joe got rich. He got so rich he just doesnt know what to do with himself. So he bought the Cubs.
Joe is so bored, it IS the Cubs after all, that he has decided he really really hates Barack Obama. Joe was handed a plan to attack Obama using racial codewords and attaching the Prez to Jeremiah Wright and was ready to fork over $10 million to fund the ads. Unfortunately and I do mean unfortunately, Joe had second thoughts and chickened out. After all, who wants to be known as a 70 year old racist prick? Not Joe. So he regrouped and started funding other Republican whack jobs like State Senator Deb Fischer of Nebraska, who ended up winning the Republican primary over a total asshole like Attorney General Jon Bruning, who ran so many ads in this state, everybody, and I mean everybody would see that fish eyed son of a bitch come on their TV and immediately mute it. Fisher, a "rancher and a mother", is a $12K a year state senator who strongarmed the weasel Governor of this state into funding road repairs in her district, a goddamned wasteland of tumbleweeds and empty roads. That's her claim to fame. Thanks, Joe.
But to digress, I wanted Joe and his clan to fund the ads. I wanted the ads to link Wright and Obama. I wanted the door opened because if Joe goes that way, we can go this way. And that's attack Romney and that fucking cult of a religion he pretends to belong to. I want to go there. Oh please. That Mormon bullshit is precious. Christ, it makes a talking snake and some dude living in a whale almost believable. Open the door, Joe! Please. The Planet Kolob demands it.
And one last thing Joe. You want the city of Chicago, the taxpayers of Chicago, the very government you despise, to fork over up to $200 million so you can renovate that charming dump called Wrigley Field. I love it, but shithole may be to weak a word for it. Hey Joe, if you have all that money to throw around because you hate the black guy in the White House, calm down and renovate that pile of last place steel yourself. But guys like you, Joe, dont do that. Paying for something yourself is for chumps. Like Zygi Wilf and George W Bush, you'd rather make the masses pay for their shitty sports team venues themselves. Joe didnt get rich by risking anything himself. No wonder he loves Romney now. Or is hatred of the black guy the driving force? We all know the answer to that. Last time I checked, the Cubs sucked for the 104th year in a row. Let's hope Joe will suck for the 71st year in a row come November.
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