Good Brewer!

There is a good Brewer story out of Arizona. It's Hank the stray dog adopted by my new 4th favorite Baseball team, The Milwaukee Brewers. Those Brewers didn't fuck around for three days doing polls and figuring out a way to ban Hank from hanging around Brewer spring training camp when he wandered in injured and filthy one day.

Hank has been a fixture in Brewers camp and will go north with the team when the season starts. Hank even ran in his first sausage race yesterday. He didn't win, but not a bad first effort.

Good Dog! Good for Hank! Go Brewers!

Bad Brewer!

Oh I know she did it and I guess I should be happy. But as usual I am not. Finger Wagging Arizona Governor Jan Brewer (Leatherface-Az) vetoed that SB1062 last night after fucking around for three days. So why the lack of enthusiasm?

It's the three days of running around trying to figure out a way to not veto it and still keep the Super Bowl while keeping those gays in their place or rather out of their place. Unfortunately for her, nobody could figure out the magic formula and she was forced to veto the bill for monetary reasons. Not because it was the right thing to do, but because a whole lot of people were gonna stay out of that hellhole of a state if it was passed.

I'm sorry but I still have a fundamental belief in principles. If you think the gays are ruining your state because your Book of Magic Fairy Tales tells you that well then at least stick to your beliefs and don't cave to monetary pressure. But as we all know, when it comes down to a dollar now or eternal salvation later, the true believers will take the dollar everytime. Shit, they'll just go to confession or more likely, forget the whole thing and continue their delusional beliefs which have now been proven to be complete and utter bullshit.

Jan Brewer and the rest of the Arizona Tourist Board have shown me who their real God is. And it aint some bearded dude with a staff up on a cloud. It's Roger Goodall and the NFL.

Our Father Who Aren't In Heaven, Howard Be Thy Name!

Turns out Forrest Gump was not all that special in Alabama. It seems the Alabama House of Representatives (why is it ALWAYS the House bumpkins no matter what state) or at least one of them there committees, lets see, the House Educatin Policy One, passed a bill that would require teachers to spend 15 minutes every mornin readin the prayer invoked at the US House or Reps or the US Senate. Ya see, it aint religion, its gubmint teachin!

Ok, very clever! Representative Steven Hurst (R-Greenbow Alabamaaaaa) thought this bill up all by himself cuz he's so shifty and smarter than those liberal atheists that permeate Alabama state gubmint. It passed out of committee by a 2 for it and 3 agin it which to chairwoman Mary Sue (of course)McClurkin (Gumplican-Indian Springs)is mathematically sound. Now to be fair now, cuz that's what I'm all about, she passed it out of committee by voice vote so maybe she's just deaf instead of stupid but nonetheless, Alabama House members will get to soon vote to force teachers to read prayers said in front of a House or Senate full of corrupt weasels to a bunch of impressionable lil Alabamans. Yeah, if that aint proof that praying is a complete waste of your fucking time I don't know what is. Praying to guide a snide fuck like Ted Cruz (Nixon-Canada) or a hissing cockroach like Steve King (Dunce-Ia) is as futile an act as can be imagined. Almost as futile as trying to convince your average Alabaman that Roll Tide isn't in the Ten Commandments.

Now the commies in the ACLU are already chuckling at the potential half assed effort they'd have to put forth to get that law thrown out if the nitwits of the Alabama legislature pass it. But ya know, it is a bill put forth by Alabama Republicans convinced their sly ways are undetectable to your average Bolshevik so who knows.

Personally I hope the bill passes. The more of these teabagger bills that pass, whether it be keeping the gays out of your Cracker Barrel or giving the guns back to blind mental patients, the closer the day comes when the Republican Party implodes.

But this Force Kids To Listen To Teach Drone On for 15 Minutes Bill is the one I really favor. It's for the kids. I care about the children. It's about time somebody thought about the children like I do.

Hey kids, just think. 15 minutes more of sleep every freakin day!

Ach Du Lieber!

Hey you can't force somebody to better their lives. Tennessee auto workers at a Volkswagen plant made that clear last week, or at least 712 of 1338 workers did. Threatened by Republican politicians, especially lying sacks of shit like Senator Bob Corker (Shitheel-Tn), the workers at the plant rejected an affiliation with the United Auto Workers, even though VW is considered friendly to unions and actually encouraged a yes vote. Nice going. Even though VW isn't gonna make you idiots work for 3 cents a day and chain your kids to the assembly line, companies in Tennessee not so union friendly are buying chains in bulk.

I really don't understand the hostility to unions. Yeah I know that Republican lackeys have been promoting the fat lazy union worker as non productive for the last 40 years. It's worked. Since that union belonging saint of the right, Ronald Reagan (Tripled the Deficit-USA) busted the Air Traffic Controllers Union it's been downhill for working folks. The gap between rich and poor has gotten so large there is no middle class any longer,. The wealthy and their bought and paid for storm troopers like Bob Corker (Bloodhound Molester-Tn) have everyone so scared that we look downward to blame instead of where we should be looking. Up.

Republicans hate unions. Always have. They cut into their ill gotten gains by demanding shit like living wages. Bahhhh. Living wages. You all should be lucky we even created a low paying, benefit lacking job for you in the first place. If you don't like it, go get unemployment insurance. Oh sorry, no more of that for you lazy bastards.

Oh there was one union the Republicans loved. In fact they spanked their monkeys to it when they weren't banging male pages. The Republicans just fucking loved Solidarity , the trade union that gave the Rooskies hell back in the 80's. It seems, if you remember, that Polish shipyard workers were getting fucked over by the commies, known here as Republicans. Lech Walesa, a genuine hero, led a strike at the Lenin Shipyard, known here as the Reagan Shipyard. Well to keep the story from getting even more uncomfortable for hypocrites like Corker and his gang of Humbugs, Walesa won the Nobel Peace Prize, known here as the Obama Pussy Award. The Polish Government went down taking the Soviets with them and Walesa became President of Poland, just like that other Union member, Ronald Reagan (Raised Taxes 11 Times in 8 Years-USA).

The United Auto Workers have appealed their loss in Tennessee. The Republican liars are apoplectic. The Volkswagen officials are strangely silent. Almost like the socialist Germans would prefer a union to deal with instead of dumbfuck Southern Governors like Bill Haslam (Child Starver-Tn). In Germany they have things called "work councils". These work councils deal with the company by using employees who have their interests AND VW's interests at heart.

Whoa there, Hans! Americans don't go for that commie crap. We like being treated like shit cuz ya know, we will become rich some day and the we too can treat people like the leeches they are.

It's the American Dream, baby.

Winter Olympics!

Sorry but am I the only one who doesn't give a damn that Canada beat the United States in an Olympic hockey game? I mean come on, this isn't 1980 when a bunch of college kids were upsetting the hell out of professional NHL type teams. Nope, these are highly paid American professional hockey players playing other highly paid professional hockey players unlucky enough to be born in one of them socialist countries.

Yeah I didn't care as my co workers stood around watching and gripping and having stress related eating fits over a sport they couldn't tell you one thing about until last week. Now all of a sudden they are huge hockey fans. Next thing you know they will actually attend a game, drink like fish, become obnoxious, cheer as grown men hit each other with their fists and then pass out on the person next to them. Icing the puck? Is that some sort of weird Canadian beer or somethin?

Hey come on. Back in the day, and by "the day" I mean when the internet was just a gleam in Ed Snowden's eye, you could root like hell for the Americans. The fresh faced amateurs who busted their ass for free just so they could get one of those taxable medals. Yes, they all were milk and cookies kids who had been practicing their skiing or skating or curling for years for no compensation. And they were all nice as hell. Or at least that's what we thought. And we liked it that way. Well,at least I did anyway.

Then came Tonya and Nancy and we all realized these "amateurs" were egomaniacs, divas, thugs, sleazy bribe takers and whiners. Yep, thanks Tonya and Nancy. Why am I blaming the victim? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! Whyyyyyyyyyy! That's whyyyyyyyyyyy. Everybody knew Tonya was from the wrong side of the tracks, had to fight for everything she got, and wasn't above having someone knee crack the competition. But Nancy. There was the privileged whiner. I mean come on now. Who whines like Nancy? Even though she had her knee beat with a metal pipe and had her dreams shattered and was probably in a bit of pain, "whyyyyyyyyyyy" became a reason to hate her. Tonya would have hopped on one leg to chase that fat fuck down and shove that pipe down his throat while screaming "whyyyyyyyyyyyyy" in a totally different tone.

1994 changed it all. At least for me. The rosy cheeked kids became ruthless Donald Trumps and I hated all of them. To this day I still revel in seeing a smiling American ice dancer falling on his or her ass, or a baked American snowboarder wipe out, or a Tiger Woods dating skier go down hard. And the millionaire American hockey team fall to the country that invented the sport. Thanks for that whole Argo thing and all.

Now I know other nations have a bunch of prima donna pricks also. But I don't live there and I'm not subjected to the Russian Matt Lauer, or the German Meredith Viera or the Norwegian Bob Costas tell me how fucking wonderful their athletes are when I know they aren't nice people and make millions under the table. Yep, we had the Olympic Swim Trials here 2 years ago. Swimmers are both dumb AND assholes.

So there. If rooting against people who happen to be born in America through no skill of their own and are dicks makes me unpatriotic well then make that the millionth time I've been called that.

In the meantime, I'll be rooting for Canada because those fucking Swedes really piss me off!

Florida Again!

Jesus Christ how many times does Bugs have to saw that fucking state off the continent?

Michael Dunn , that Florida neck who murdered Jordan Davis for playing his music too loud, was found guilty of trying to murder 3 other teens in the car with Jordan. but the jury couldn't decide if he actually murdered the kid he murdered?

Wow, Florida. You just keep amazing me. Even when you get something right, it's all fucked up.

All Who Want Taco Bell Raise Your Hand!

Now that Oklahoma has been pretty damn quiet in the last few days with no Republican hilljack introducing some bill to outlaw twerking by gay Muslims or something I can now sadly pick on my own state, and that flat one south of us.

Fremont, Nebraska lies about 30 miles northwest of Omaha and portrays itself as one of those sleepy burghs where people are friendly and would give you the shirt off their backs if you asked, in English of course. But in reality its just another hate filled scared little town of 26,000 that sees brown people talking all funny and immediately decides to ban them. Seems the browns all flock to a little place like Fremont because there's an abundance of shitty low paying jobs that nobody in Fremont wants. This creates a quandry for Fremont types. By the way, Fremont "types" are white people. Or at least 89% of them are. It's that pesky 11% that so bugs the shit out of the oppressed majority.

Back in 2010, when America surrendered itself to racists, sexists and bitters, Fremont decided to ban illegals, which to them meant anybody they thought might look comfortable listening to that shitty Mexican music that sounds just like the shitty polkas Fremont so loves. Hey, Jose, if you want to live here, you have to go get a $5 permit, then you have to pledge your allegiance by stating you aint no illegal, then we might let you rent some dump. Comprende'? The person who rents the dump to you, aka the slumlord, also has to get permits. It's free money for Fremont gubmint, which didn't really enforce the housing portion of the Ban The Mexicans Law of 2010.

Some of those touch feely liberal types thought mayyyyyyybe that the housing portion of the Ban The Browns Law went a bit far and that businesses may not consider relocating to Fremont and got enough signatures to get a repeal of that one portion of the law on the ballot. 57% of the good Fremont folk voted the Ban The Hispanics in 2010 and this new effort just pissed them off even more. Kind of like poking a Klansman thru his eyehole with a stick. Just made em hoppin mad. So 60% voted and said hey Maria, get the fuck out of Fremont and this time we mean it.

Yeah Fremont. We all know it aint about race. In fact you all welcome the melting pot that is America. That's what all the Ban The Hondurans Too Law advocates keep saying. What is it about illegal you dont understand? That's another biggie up there.

I believe them. I'm sure they welcome all people up in Fremont. Just like their namesake, John C Fremont did when he was whacking Mexicans back in 1846.

Now Kansas. What the fuck is up with you huckleberries? The Kansas House of Reprehensibles approved a law designed to "protect" religious liberty by stating that any bigot, errrrrr, believer can refuse to deal with the gays in any way, shape or delusion because it would violate their religious freedom to give the gays a quiche or bake them a cake or give em a drivers license or let em stay at your hotel cuz you know they'll just be a giant orgy all night long and they won't even invite you. You know, all that ramming their agenda down your throat stuff you all talk about all the fucking time. Repression anyone? Introduced by one Rep Charles Macheers d the bill passed by a 72-42 margin and now goes to the Kansas Senate, which I'm sure is full of more Politburo types who hate "discrimination" as much as Macheers does.

The bill says this, if you see two swishy guys or two rumbling dames walk into your establishment you can exclaim "In the name of Jesus, get out of my establishment you sinners" and you cannot be held accountable. At least by the state of Kansas that is. How that commie Jesus feels about it is your fucking problem.

Let's all hear it for the salt of the earth Midwest values! I've been putting up with morally superior Midwest values all of my life. Thank whomever, none of them have taken hold of me yet!