The Oscars!

It was last year when Bonnie and Clyde wandered onto the Oscar stage to present Best Picture award. After a substantial portion of the world said "who the hell ARE those old people?" Clyde opened the envelope. thought what the fuck, and showed it to Bonnie who blurted out the words "La La Land" and the rest is one big clusterfuck of the La La Land posse getting onstage, realizing that they didnt win and calling the Moonlight club to get up there cuz they actually won. Wow. What can happen THIS year?

Supporting Actor

1) Willem Dafoe - a lifetime achievement award? He did keep an overrated movie called The Florida Project alive everytime I wanted to kick one of those obnoxious little punks ass.
2) Woody Harrelson- he was the best part of that 3 Billboards hatefest and even he whacked himself halfway through which is what I wanted to do
3) Richard Jenkins- the gay neighbor role in The Shape of Water. He's always great
4) Christopher Plummer- its hard to imagine All The Money In The World without him. If it wasnt Michelle Williams movie, it was his. And he shot it all in 2 weeks
5) Sam Rockwell- I love Sam Rockwell. He's been great for years. But 3 Billboards? The redeemable racist thug cop who throws people out of 2nd story windows? Really? No tghanks

Who Should Win--Christopher Plummer
Who Will Win-- Sam Rockwell

Supporting Actress

1) Mary J Blige-- Mudbound is on Netflix. It's really good. She has no chance.
2) Allison Janney--she's the cartoonish mother ion I Tonya. She's wonderful while she's chewing up the scenery. But she's a cartoon
3) Leslie Manville--The Phantom Thread was a chore to watch. It was necessary to see, but it was a snoozer. Im not even sure which character she was,
4) Laurie Metcalf--Lady Birds mom. Not a cartoon. A real person. A great performance. She's fantastic.
5) Octavia Spencer-- She was in The Shape of Water. Like Richard Jenkins she was glue. She's already got one.

Who Should Win-- Laurie Metcalf
Who Will Win-- Allison Janney

Best Actor

1) Denzel Washington--Denzel is glue. He was great as an autistic lawyer in Roman J Israel Esq. I liked the movie more than most.
2) Daniel Kaluuya--Get Out was freakin great. It was satire at its modern finest. But as time fades, so does Get Out.
3) Daniel Day-Lewis--because he's Daniel Day-Lewis and he's the greatest actor of his generation. The Phantom Thread was a waste of his talents
4) Gary Oldman--he's never won an Oscar? He's hardly ever been nominated? Was he in The Darkest Hour? All I saw was Winston Churchill
5) Timothee Chalamet--Call Me By Your Name was stunning. This kid was in it AND Lady Bird. The 7 minutes of acting he did in the credits of Call Me was Oscar worthy

Who Should Win-- Gary Oldman
Who Will Win-- Gary Oldman
Who Should Get An Oscar within 5 Years- Tim Chalamet

Best Actress

1) Sally Hawkins-- Her goofy face alone acts better than a lot of actresses. Her mute fish fetishist in The Shape of Water was solid as hell
2) Frances McDormand--she doesnt give two shits what you think of her. Her grieving mother in 3 Billboards was the anti-Marge Gunderson. I hated her character. Her range is thus unlimited
3) Margot Robbie--I'll give her credit. She was fantastic. I Tonya was too
4) Saoirse Ronan-- since I first saw her in Atonement, she is my favorite young actress out there. She's the new Streep. Lady Bird is her second masterpiece at age 23. Oh, Brooklyn was the first
5) Meryl Streep--Like Gary Oldman, Meryl becomes her character. Her Katherine Graham made The Post. She shold have 15 Oscars by now, if not 20.

Who Should Win--Saoirse Ronan
Who Will Win-- Frances McDormand
Who Deserves To Win--Meryl Streep

Best Director

1) Christopher Nolan--is anybody better than him. No. Dunkirk is captivating
2) Jordan Peele--Get Out for his first effort is amazing.
3) Greta Gerwig-- Lady Bird is writing at its finest. She ought to win that award.
4) Paul Thomas Anderson--The Phantom Thread is so not him. I should admire it. I apologize I dont
5) Guillermo Del Toro--I am not sure I want to be in this guy's creative mind. The Shape of Water is as good as Pan's Labyrinth.

Who Should Win--Christopher Nolan
Who Will Win--Guillermo Del Toro

Best Picture

1) Call Me By Your Name--35 year old guy having affair with teenager? Hey, thats how it may be see by voters. As unfair as that is, no chance
2) Darkest Hour--its British, its cerebral, its got Winston Churchill, its not going to win
3) Dunkirk--its British, its suspenseful, and it is a classic. Nope
4) Get Out--its satire, its racial, its ending is so ridiculous they actually filmed a realistic ending. It has a punchers chance
5) Lady Bird--good lord I cant rave about this slice of life movie enough. It has a chance if others split the vote
6) Phantom Thread--huh? what? Is it over?
7) The Post--anyone under 40 probably laughed at how newspapers used to be. In fact, what IS a newspaper?
8) The Shape Of Water--Do they have the raisins to give Best Picture to a movie like this? The Sexy Fish movie?
9) Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri--Its mean spirited, its dark, it features behavior that is criminal yet goes unpunished and its infuriating. The longer time marches on, the more I hate it

What Should Win--Dunkirk
What Will Win--Lady Bird (for the upset)

Finally please. Hammer that fucking Trump hard. You know he would give it all up to be accepted by Hollywood. Make his world even more miserable before he gets indicted. Please, MORE politics, not less.