If I wasn't so unsure the American public has had enough oxygen the last 15 years, I'd be doing a prayer dance or something hoping like hell the Republicans nominate Governor Rick "Oops" Perry in 2016 to be their latest loser in the Presidential campaign. But unfortunately, I cannot be that sure the American public wouldn't go for this grandstanding Texas imbecile as one of those "refreshing change of paces" you hear about stumbling into positions of power right before the lights go out.
Perry is perhaps most famous for his Aha moment in 2012 when he couldn't remember what 3 agencies of gubmint he would dismantle if he got hisself elected to run the whole shootin match. Even a squeaking troll like Ron Paul offered his help and the Rickster still didn't have enough brainpower to pull the department of whatever out of his ass. Cmon, Rick, you'd have already lost to the Kenyan Socialist Spymaster if you'd looked deep into the camera and said something like "ah hell I'd just get rid of the whole damn government except the part that blows shit up!" The Tea Party would have all spotted 4 hour plus boners and had to run off to their taxpayer funded doctors for help.
Rick Perry is a thinking man's wet dream to run against. The guy is the epitome' of Texas stupid. Perry recently compared the Boy Scouts allowing gay scouts to remain or join to the abolition of slavery, and not in a good way. Perry, using that outside agitator shit that right wing nitwits all love, said "pop culture" is to blame for the Boy Scouts pulling their heads out of the 1800's into the mid 1900's (a small step yes but a step) and that tough guys like Sam Houston didn't let that kind of garbage into Texas when they were holding slaves and them pop culture sissies wanted them to free the fully employed slaves. Or something stupid like that.
Perry recently signed one of those War on Christmas bills that allows poor downtrodden Texas Christians to put up nativity scenes and highly religious articles like Xmas (oops I may have violated Texas law by shortening that phrase) trees in the schools. It also solves another non problem by letting public school employees to say "Merry Christmas" to each other without being sent to Texas Death Row. Wow, Rick, I'm not sure what is worse, you, or the dipshits in the braintrust called the Texas Legislature that actually took taxpayer money to waste their time passing this kind of religious "freedom" manure. Hey, Rick, Happy Ramadan, you fucking infidel. Your "freedom" has a price.
Perry is now running around to civilized places like New York and Connecticut and Illinois and California attempting to poach businesses into leaving and coming to Texas where they can drink sugary drinks of any size until their hearts explode. Ahhhh, freedom. Perry taking on the likes of Jerry Brown or Michael Bloomberg or any other northern politcian of reasonable intelligence may seem fruitless, or even a massive mismatch, but remember, Texas is the Indonesia of America. Yep, Perry has made sure there aint none of those commie unions or actual regulations down there in Texas. Hey, a fertlizer plant just blowed up and killed hundreds. Yee Haw! What is more appealing to the "job creators" than that kind of regulatory neglect from a sitting Governor? On the other hand, Ricky, all those Northern interlopers don't all think like you rootin tootin Texans, so you may just get bit in the backside by that strategy. That is unless the howling coyotes in your legislature decide to pass some of those voter suppression bills you people are so fond of. Ahhhh, freedom.
Rick Perry IS the thinking man's wet dream to run against. Yes indeedee. Thinking man. Hmmmm. On second thought, keep that Texas sodbuster where he is. He may just be dumb enough to win.
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