CPAC Jacks!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHA........AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HAHAHAHA......oh man I cant stop laughing at the comedy team of Fargo & Fargo. Cracking jokes, holding up Carrot Top like props, oh man when is the singing and dancing coming?

The Minnesota Beard and The Hillbilly starred today in front of C PAC, that annual gathering of pencil necks who think Chris Christie is a liberal and thus crack fat jokes at him in their oh so 12 year old boy way.

The Beard, also known as Marcus Bachmann's husband, errr, wife began the day by apparently dissing cats (what would Marcus say?) bringing up Benghazi and once again claiming that Nobama was "partying" in Vegas with those two other black people, Jay and Beyonce (did ya hear they are black too?) while Americans were being hunted down and executed in Libya, probably by hit squads sent by Obummer cuz he hates white people. Ya know he was in Vegas partying with others of his persuasion dontcha? And he has projectionists in the White House, probably to show him Pam Grier movies and Django Unchained on a continuous loop. And he lives a garish lifestyle, did ya know that? Just like all those welfare queens Ronnie Reagan (all genuflect now) warned us all about. How dare he be so uppity, I mean arrogant! The Beard also called for more funding of cancer and Alzheimers research, probably cuz all those homos get all the money now for all that AIDS research. Did she clear that with Paul Ryan first? Wow....pfew wasn't that beat off session just great there CPAC nerds? A little refractory time is needed.

Phyllis Schafly is as big a boner killer as can possibly exist and thus her speaking position. Screeching in that oh so soothing making cockroaches scurry for cover voice, she said Mittens Romney, Bob Dole and John McCain were "losers". Yeah, so? And you have a gay son. Any other facts you wish to drone on about?

Big moment C PAC geeks and the appearance of one hot babe. The Hillbilly, best known for her "7 years of college down the drain" reality, struts out to thunderous applause and lots of pants tightening. Ready with the obvious PG-13 Jay Leno material, she kills. Spewing fluids all over the hall. Background check jokes, Big Gulp jokes, risque rack humor, the Hillbilly had em eating out of her whatever. Oh yeah, oh yeah, spank banks all over Washington are full tonight as C PAC weirdos replace Rand Paul with her.

And ya know what, I KNEW she drank. Just look at that picture!