Bye Bye Bo!

Finally, the caveman who has led the University of Nebraska football program is gone. Bo Pelini was fired today after 7 years of mediocrity, sideline explosions, profane tapes , job seeking and denials, and a general us versus them mentality pitting he, his players and coaches against everybody else, including people like me who pay the money and sit there and watch him embarrass himself and us.

I don't give a shit that he won 9 games a year for 7 years and his players loved him. Children love their abusive fathers all over the world cuz they know no better.

But 40 something year old men in the spotlight who constantly beat lesser competition, lose big to superior teams and act like a goddamned maniac constantly should not be the face of the program. Hell, this guy should have been fired 4 years ago when he got into that finger slamming sideline rant against his own quarterback on national TV. He should have been fired 3 years ago when he went on an obscene rant against the media and the fans who pay his fucking $3 million a year salary. He certainly should have been fired last year after that temper tantrum against the referee and the subsequent I dare you to fire me press conference after the Iowa loss. But he survived because a certain number of Regents were in his corner.

Well today, Silent Shawn Eichorst, the almost mute Athletic Director, cut the cancer out and fired Pelini. And he did it without consulting the Regents, who are pissed and that makes me very happy.

The players, in true Us V Them Stockholm Syndrome mode , are not happy. They tweet, they get into bum fights with fans on twitter, they are swearing and cussing and saying nasty things. But hey, they're 18-23 year old guys. God forbid if twitter had been around when I was that age. So passes are given. Their 2nd dad is gone. It's tough.

I used to love Nebraska football. Lived for it. But that was long ago before I had a life. Now its entertainment. But Pelini made it a chore. Entertainment should not be a chore.

Good luck Bo. I'm sure your family loves you and your two Goldens love you too. But crazy actions and profane rants are not the way to make strangers love you.

Birdman!

Michael Keaton played Batman and Jack Nicholson played the Joker. Holy 1989, Batman. Remember? Dark, moody and freaking great for those of us who grew up watching Adam West cornpone his way thru 3 seasons of classic TV.

But in the past 25 years, Keaton has been a character actor. You know, the guy who shows up and you go oh yeah, I remember him.

Birdman pretty much tells his story. He's a former superhero movie star who has faded into obscurity and is pushing 60. He has decided to write,direct and star in a Broadway play to revive his career. He's all in on this and there is no Plan B. And oh yeah, he may or may not have actual superpowers. He also has a demon who constantly tells him what a complete piece of shit he is. Oh yeah, this guy is a mess.

Will his last shot at a career work? Well it won't be easy as Keaton has to deal with his manager (Zach Galafanakis), his cast, his eye rolling daughter (Emma Stone) and his ex-wife, perhaps the greatest ex wife ever (Amy Ryan). Not to mention a NY Times theater critic who hates his guts and promises she will destroy him no matter what.

The journey to opening night is a trip. If you didn't think actors are nuts, you will after watching this. Trust me I know they are nuts, I live with one. They hate themselves and thus, they play other people. Not exactly Freudian but certainly the norm.

Keaton and his demon are great. He is a frantic man holding on by his nails. But as great as Keaton is in this role, goddamn, Ed Norton is absolutely stunning as the egomaniacal theater actor who comes in to save/destroy his play. Norton is as controlled crazy as any screen character has been in years. He fucks up previews, he gets aroused onstage, he gets drunk onstage, he asks to be threatened with a real gun. He is impossible to not watch.

Naomi Watts is the insecure actress who constantly needs reassurance. Andrea Riseborough is the 4th member of the cast who is also Keaton's gal pal.

Will this play work? Not a chance if the critic has her way. Her disdain of movie actors is apparent. But Keaton is so desperate, so backed up against the wall, he will do anything to win her approval.

What will he do? Will his "superpowers" kick in?

Birdman is fascinating. An almost documentary of backstage Broadway. See it.

And about those superpowers. There's a scene involving a taxi driver that will tell you all you need to know about his superpowers.

Love it.

Movies!

Get 4 days off? Hang with family? Get in verbal fisticuffs with the Uncle who thinks Obama is a Muslim socialist? Eat too damn much? Yeah me too. And then?

Movie Time.

WHIPLASH:

You like jazz? Nope, nobody does except me and old black folks appalled by what passes for music nowadays. But Whiplash aint about jazz. Oh yeah, Andrew Nieman (Miles Teller), who idolizes Buddy Rich for both his drumming and for his being a prick, drums and drums and drums at a Julliard type music school. But what this movie really is about is bullying. And how bullying is one of the most contagious diseases known to mankind.

Terence Fletcher (J K Simmons) is a bullying jazz professor intent on not so much teaching jazz, but on destroying those who do not live up to his standards. Which is everybody.

Fletcher destroys young people with his profane, mean, racist, homophobic outbursts much like R Lee Ermey did in Full Metal Jacket. But Andrew aint biting. At least until he has his Private Pyle breaking point.

This movie is not for everyone. Andrew is Fletcher light. He's an asshole too. But Fletcher is a nuclear asshole and watching Simmons, the Farmers Insurance guy in case you don't know who he is, play this role is fascinating. Man, he scared ME half the time. You just want somebody to deck him. And so does he. The self loathing is evident.

Whiplash is a great movie. One of the best I've seen this year. And J K Simmons? Wow. It's Oscar time.

Back with another later. Gotta go watch Terence "Bud" Crawford fight.

How Close Is St. Louis To Being In The South?

I guess when white people do it, it's a disturbance, or kids having fun, or drunken horseplay , or the protesting of the removal of a pedophile enabler from coaching your plain label football team. Oh the outrage! Perfectly justified!

But when the blacks do it. Oh my lawd, batten down the hatches, hide in your house, buy guns and watch Fox News. They'll tell me what I want to hear. Savages. Thugs. Bums. Punks. Agitators. Race Hustlers. Animals. What the fuck man. No white people rioted when O J was acquitted. Mike Brown was stealing cigars. He rushed the poor cop. He was like a demon. Hulk Hogan except, ya know, darker. The poor cop got his eye socket busted by that violent strong armed robber, and then miraculously healed by the time he'd pumped 10 bullets into the charging bull of a man.

Well the media, Fox News viewers, conservatives, racists, dumbasses, maybe I should just have left it at Fox News viewers, got what they wanted. A good old fashioned riot. Show the looters!Show the looters! Damn them all to hell, that poor vodka bottle never had a chance. See, I told ya, they are animals looking for free stuff. I'll bet all of them voted for Obummer.

Just fucking STOP!

I have no love for criminals who loot shit, who take advantage of a bad situation to benefit themselves, like the Kochs and Lord Mittens Von Romney. I know the idiots who took stuff out of the Quickie Mart couldn't care less about Michael Brown. Who? Yeah exactly.

The problem here is twofold.

1) the cops are the real agitators here. What with their bullshit equipment (APV's really?) their itching for a fight attitude, their desire to crack a few heads without consequences its no wonder this happens.

People assembling on a street has become a crime? And even if it is, so fucking what? The Police reaction to this is the real appalling part of this. No common sense. A desire for violence. To demand these people, with real grievances, to disperse and when they do not, tear gas them and fire bean bags into them? No wonder they're pissed.

Oh what's your solution Max's Dad. You just gonna let them stand there?

Yes. On this night. You're goddamn right I am. Stand there and protest all night if you want. Blocking traffic, of which there is none, except for the tanks and all that other appalling crap cops have nowadays.

This was as usual, nothing but a police inspired riot. Period.

But like George Zimmerman, the guy who starts it is loved by the majority.

2)The African American community is pretty sick of being treated like a conquered people by a paramilitary force. We used to have a Mayor in this city who talked like that. The Omaha Police, you know, the ones who shoot Cops cameramen, were considered a paramilitary occupying force. The Mayor said that. In his outside voice. Yep, he got elected twice.

It's hard enough to send my white teenager out into the bad world. But I also know the chances of him being shot are kind of low. By the cops? Probably somewhere around 0%.

But a black family sending their kids out? Good lord. How terrifying on a daily or nightly basis. Christ, the cops shoot black people in this city for carrying cell phones. I cannot imagine the terror of knowing if the gangs don't get your kids , the cops might execute them for taking some cigars and walking in the middle of the street. They seem to have a real problem in Ferguson with people being on their pothole infested streets. Ya just never know when a tank might need to get through.

So as appalled as the comfortable white folks may have been over the looting of a store, I was just as appalled at the unnecessary show of force by a police department full of robed idiots. And by the death of yet another 18 year old black man. Even if he scared poor Darren Wilson because he was like Hulk Hogan and was like a demon.

Hey Darren. Before you become a regular talking mook on Fox News. You do realize that Hulk Hogan is a fake wrestler? And the demons you saw may have been just a reflection in your side mirror.

Viva La Wingnuts!

Tonight the world ends. Barack Hussein Jose Obama will let about 100 million Mexicans stay here and be able to vote retroactively to destroy America. His evil plan, with the help of all the networks who refuse to air the speech which will destroy 'Merica, will be unfolded this evening. On Mexico's Revolution Day? Co inky dink? Of course it is, but not to the tin foil hat crowd, in other words, half the United States Congress and all of rural 'Murca.

So while White America watches fat people being humiliated, or horny nerds making double entendres, a doctor show most people thought cancelled somewhere around the last stages of the Bush disaster and a show about bones, Obummer will be opening the back door and letting all those browns in to take good white people jobs like slaughtering cows, picking fruit and cleaning shit out of porta potties at soft jazz festivals.

Of course, cranky old uninformed whites could turn the speech on and watch it on Fox News while Megyn Kelly makes faces in the background, half interested whites could watch it on CNN while Don Lemon chomps down on a hot dog in the background, or really scaredy cat whites could turn on MSNBC and watch the speech as Rachel Maddow makes margaritas for all the Big Bang Theory rejects in the back.

Me? I'll be watching the Latin Grammys to brush up on my Espanol and like the 'Merican Grammys, I know nobody who will be onstage. So far by watching lots of Univision I have learned the following Spanish.

1) Gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooal!!!!!!!!!!

2) You pronounce You-Ne-Vision Oon-a-vee-zee-own

3) Gracias a Dios (muttered quite often at the Latin Grammys)

I figure by the time Nobama gets thru turning New Mexico into just Mexico again, I will also be able to say Dos Cervezas por favor'.

Meanwhile I have to go figure the real significance of Obummer making the speech toda. What secret Mooslim holiday is this really?

Lan Screw!

I have two words for future Ex-Senator Mary Landrieu (Chickenshit-La). Fuck you. I have two words for Joe Manchin (Hillbilly-WV), future Republican turncoat. Fuck you. And I have three words for future Ex-Senator Claire McCaskill (Coward-Mo). Fuck you too.

What these three dicklicks are up to is disgraceful. To force a vote to approve a filthy pipeline out of Canada carrying tar and shit through my fucking state? To save your miserable asses? And your strategy isn't gonna work anyway you stupid fuckin hillbillies.

Mary Landrieu is already boiling in a pot full of crawfish and is about to be eaten alive. Hey dipshit. You think the Republicans in Louisiana aren't going to tear you a new asshole no matter what you do or say? You could dress up in Klan robes, knock all your teeth out and speak in some sort of weird hybrid of French, English and Bigfoot and the Republicans will call you an "Obama" lover anyway. Jesus H Christ. Fight.

I hope that dumbfuck running against Mary Landrieu ,you know, the guy who sponsored the filthy Keystone Pipeline bill she is trying to pass beats her by about 100 million votes.

Joe Manchin, a Senator from a state full of hillbillies so dumb that when "Freedom Industries" dumped their toxic sludge into the Elk River earlier in 2014 causing them to boil drinking water and breathe poison, they all voted Republican anyway cuz of freeeedum. Manchin is a coal whore in which the over/under on him switching parties is about 3 months.

And Claire McCaskill, who wouldn't even be a Senator any longer if it wasn't for a stupid misogynist named Todd Akin who said in an out loud voice that he wondered how much rape was "legitimate". Shit, Claire, he still got 39% of the vote against you. McCaskill is the first Democrat to start sucking Mitch McConnell's turtle dick and oppose Harry Reid as minority leader. The over/under on this shrew switching parties is about a year.

Ya know what, fuck all the Democrats. Joni Ernst bit all your balls off long ago.

You see, Democrats, Republicans are cobras. Yeah they are scary. They will attack you. So you have choices to make. You can try to stomp the shit out of them as they try to bite you with their venom and lies OR you can get down on the ground and pet them on their heads trying to make them like you. Well no matter what you Democratic pussies do, the goddamned cobra is going to bite you and kill you. They cant help it. It's who they are and they make no apologies for it. The Republicans are slithering, venom filled killers and you Democrats are chickenshits afraid of your own constituents.

So start stomping. Become the mongoose.

Meanwhile, a furrin company is going to build a leaking tar shit pipeline through the water aquifier in Nebraska so their gunk can get to Louisiana and Texas faster so they can refine it and ship it off to China and India as gasoline.

Thanks Mary Landrieu. I hope that cobra fucker beats you so bad you end up sucking dicks on the streets of Nawlins. As opposed to sucking Trans Canada's 1179 mile long crank like you are doing now.

Oops!

I have always liked the Ivy League. I watch the games they play not very well. I vote for the politicians they often put out. Harvard, Yale, Cornell, Penn, Princeton, Columbia, Brown (my Dad, a Fordham man, said they'd chant at Brown's football team "what's the color of shit?" which is why he was simply a Fordham man) and that bastard child of the Ivy League, Dartmouth. I never liked Dartmouth. It was the one that nobody could remember, stuck up in the forests of New Hampshire, blessed with degenerate grads like screeching kazoo yeller Laura Ingraham and convicted criminal Dinesh D'Souza. It has that awful newspaper, The Dartmouth Review, that outed the gays back before being gay was cool, supported apartheid, published racist articles to demean affirmative action and made William F Buckley face palm over how his influence had been taken over by Klansmen in green.

But now, thanks to an energetic bunch of Dartmouth men and women, I love the Big Green!

Rick Perry, bespectacled closet case Governor of America's nuttiest state, was in New Hampshire because he actually thinks he can become President.........I shall pause now for you to clean off your monitor......and spoke to a mass of Dartmouth students because hey why the fuck not and the Q&A session got taken hostage by a bunch of right minded urchins who couldn't stop asking Slick Rick all about the anal sex he hates so much (yeah right).

One Emily Sellers cleared her throat, and asked famed Ni****head resident Governor Rick Perry if for $102 million , the amount he has raised in his campaigns, he'd have anal sex. Now of course, the obvious answer for any politician is when and where and for Perry the obvious answer is simply yes I've done it for a lot less, but Great Caesars Ghost were the Dartmouth Young Republicans offended. How dare that dame ask a sitting Governor of some state out there somewhere a question such as that! Migawd I almost spit out my Peggy Noonan 1978 Chardonnay.

Now Ms. Sellers was one of many in the crowd who had a list of 11 questions to ask Oops Man if they got a chance.

Wow, how I wish that Candy Crowley had gotten a hold of this list and asked Mittens Von Romney "I know you have been very strong on all foreign policy issues, including Somali pirates, but what is your stance on butt pirates?"

And how I wish Gwen Ifill had that set of inquiries in her hands back in 2008 and asked Half Assed Governor Sarah Palin "if new documents revealed that Jesus liked to play with his own hairy hollow, would you change your opinion?

And wowza, what if Martha Raddatz had this set of questions and asked jug eared soulless prick Paul Ryan " Does your ideal anti-sodomy law prevent me from playing with my own poop chute?"

Can you imagine Uncle Joe Biden hearing that one?

Anyway Dartmouth, thanks to Emily Sellers, I now like you just as much as I like that other one, you know that place far above Cayuga's waters where there lies an awful smell (thanks Dad for that one too).....probably the stench increasingly irrelevant drag queen Ann Coulter left behind.