Fox News Math!

What a complete failure, a disaster of monumental proportions, the death knell for your average Fox Viewer, it's the nightmare called Obamacare.

As you can see from the fair and balanced Fox News chart, only 6 million have signed up (as of last Thursday) when Nobama wanted 7 million plus by today. Clearly, a failure right up there with the Germans bombing Pearl Harbor, Saddam Hussein bringing down the Towers or Hillary Clinton murdering Vince Foster. How can you not see it? It's right there!

Only 6 million, or about 1/4 of 7,066,000 have signed up. What a flipping calamity the Kenyan Muslim Commie has thrust onto the American public. Impeach now! Look at the evidence! Impeach!

Moochelle, Ma Belle!

So much disrespect and pure racial hatred for the Prez for 6 years. You know the Prez, that black guy right wingers hate not because they're racists or anything, it's just cuz he's black, not that it means they're bigots cuz you libtards always go straight to the race card. Yeah yeah, libs are the racists not us!! Now where's my misspelled not racist funny sign that shows Nobama as a witch doctor cuz that's funny cuz he's from Kenya.

Well, you think that's bad. How about Michelle Obama aka Moochelle cuz ya know that's funny not racist cuz ya know like black chicks like to get free stuff and we're just pointing that out. A couple of "Christian" radio hosts who shall remain nameless got all "offended" when Moochelle Obama went to a community health center in Miami and told them they were doing "God's work" by helping the uninsured sign up for Obamacare. Well of course, to these two nitwits, that meant Michelle was a goddamn Nazi for killing children by aborting them at Planned Parenthood with her long ass fingernails and how dare she and she's all evil. Yep, there's people who say that on a radio show with tens and tens of listeners who probably all have guns and love Jesus.

Michelle Obama has been every bit as big of a target of racists and lamebrains for 6 years as her Muslims usurper husband. Michelle Obama has as much disrespectful shit thrown at her as Obummer. Right, Rusty DePass? Rusty DePass is such a Republican South Carolina name.

James Sensenbrenner (Fat-Wi)doesn't like that Michelle tellin his kids to eat vegetables and stuff. Fuck that. We eat cheese and brats up here in Wisconsin and besides, Michelle has a big ass. Look in the mirror Jimmy. If you even have a reflection.

Oh yeah, remember when the traitorous Michelle Obama got all Black Panthery and dissed the American flag by whispering "all this for a damn flag" during a 9/11 ceremony? Yeah me either. But to gullible e mail recipients all over this nation, they sure as hell do.

The latest is that Bill Maher is such an idiot and a liar that he used one of those Michelle Obama quotes and attributed it to the widow peaked jug eared numbnuts Paul Ryan (Leech-Wi). See, the libtards lie, they lie! No dumbshits. He tricked his guests. Gosh, Michelle Obama is just as not racist as Paul Ryan (Smug-Wi) cuz she doesn't like kids wantin to be ballers and rappers and wants them to be teachers. Nope, Paul Ryan said they wanted to lay around all day and not do anything cuz that's what their no good worthless Baby's Daddy's did and now its a whole culture of lazy shiftless "inner city" dwellers.

Moochele Obama,and her daughters and her mommy,being the grifters they are, all went to China on the taxpayers and stayed in million dollar a night hotels and threw taxpayer money off the Great Wall of China that the commies built to keep their citizens trapped so they could work for American corporations for 2 cents a day. Remember when Saint Reagan told Mao "Mr. Tung, tear down this wall?" or something like that? Well that commie Michelle Obama told the commie spies to all come to Amerika and really asshurt patriotic "Mericans everywhere. And she played a some a ping pong with more commies. Man she is a disgrace to First Ladies like Laura Bush or Nancy Reagan who were at least white. And if America had been smart and anointed Mittens Romney to his rightful throne, the death stare of Ann Romney would have made Putin run for his life and none of this Ukraine shit would be happening.

Michelle Obama has been savaged like no other FLOTUS ever. Hey, nasty right wingers. I know the hate is in your hearts to begin with and your brain tells you what to say to articulate your not at all racist views. But lay off Michele Obama, she'd not only kick your ass, she will take a handful of broccoli and "shove it down your throats". You know, like the gays always are doing to you. You wish.

The Who!!

I love The Who. I mean I honestly think they may be, pound for pound, the best rock band ever. When I say pound for pound I mean studio, live, longevity. To see The Who live at the absolute peak you must see them at Woodstock. That, my friends, is a fuckin rock band. And to see The Who 43 years later at the Sandy Relief concert I rest my case. That, my friends, is STILL a fuckin rock band! Oh I know Roger Daltrey is a 70 year old man with his shirt open but goddamn the man can still bring it. Pete Townsend is still gettin it done at 68 whether he's windmilling or self loathing. The man is genius. Period.

There are those who believe that the day Keith Moon croaked was the day The Who croaked. Nonsense. Yeah yeah, to listen to Who records from the Keith Moon years is an experience to behold. Just listen to his manic drumming. He made drums a necessity. He made drums an instrument instead of something the least talented guy in the band pound on incessantly much to my annoyance. But to expect a Keith Moon to live long when he doused his pained self with horse tranquilizers and could be replaced by some dude in the crowd was a bit too much to expect. So Keith Moon, the best rock drummer ever, gave up the ghost in 1978 much to the surprise of nobody and was replaced by a better dude in the crowd. The Who moved on.

When John Entwhistle went all Keith Moon back in 2002 and killed himself, well not on purpose, but nonetheless killed his own dumb ass, they said well thats definitely it. The Who is dead. Again, nonsense. Because Pete and Roger are still there and let's face it, Roger may be the best front man ever, maybe (sorry Mick), just maybe and Pete is a fuckin genius if for no other reason than Tommy.

I've only seen The Who one time and Roger was sick as a dog. He still brought it. He still hit "the note". Pete still windmilled and even apologized for playing new material. God I love his knowing attitude. Onward.

Worst Who Song:

Pinball Wizard?

Hell I don't know. I don't even dislike this song but I'm just not in love with it. Maybe because I DO hate Elton John's cover of it in that horrific Tommy movie of the late 70's. Plus in a former life when I was on the radio playin all your favorite hits, the requests for Elton John's version made me wanna take some horse tranquilizers myself.

My Favorite Who Song:

Can't Explain

I may regret this later when Behind Blue Eyes becomes my favorite or Happy Jack or Baba O'Riley or the entire Tommy album or the Who Masterpiece or I Can See For Miles or any of many others I will say "Hey thats my favorite Who song" at any moment.

But Can't Explain captures an era. The Mods, the mid 60's London. Say you don't see Austin Powers Union Jacked Mini when you hear the song.

The Who Masterpiece:

Won't Get Fooled Again

You expected anything different? This tune has it all. The organ. The windmill. Moon's drums. The anticipation. The scream. There is no better song ever written to close a concert. Nuthin. 8 minutes of pure joy! And if nothing else for the life advice. "Meet the new boss, same as the old boss". Absolutely goddamn right, Pete!

Noah's Lark!

I cannot wait to see Noah for a lot of reasons. Russel Crowe's Aussie growl, Jennifer Connelly's American whisper, Emma Watson's Hermione Granger accent, Anthony Hopkin's English professor accent and Ray Winstone's English growl. Man, talk about diversity on one stinking boat.

I'm also a sucker for Bible stories. Heavy on the story. And if it pisses off the Christians and the Muslims, well for chrissakes, this has to be the best Bible movie since Last Temptation of Christ. Though the Muslims tend to be a bit crankier about perceived slights to their superstitions than Christians, the fact both groups are so butthurt over a movie makes me so happy.

If I remember my Catholic school propaganda correctly, Noah gets a message from God that he is really pissed and will destroy the earth because people are pricks. But Noah, you build a giant boat using a cubit as a measurement and get two of every type of animal, male and female and put it on your giant cubit boat. God is gonna flood the earth and kill em all and let Him sort em out. So Noah gathers all the animals onto his Mitt Romney sized yacht and then it starts to rain and rain and rain for 40 days, kind of like it does in Seattle (have they ever checked THAT area for the elusive Ark?) So the flood kills everybody and all the animals including cute little puppies and tiny little human babies and even fetuses. Yeah God is pro-life my ass. So God is really busy for 40 days sorting em all out, you down you down you up you up you down etc...... Then Noah sees a dove or something with an olive branch in its mouth that lands on his yacht, errrr, Ark because it was really tired from flying around for 40 days and Noah goes yessssss, mate. And God sends a rainbow and Noah and his clan kill the dove and eat it cuz they already had two doves, right? And then God, history's biggest mass murderer, promises to never ever flood out the earth again, at least until even HE can't help it when man wrecks the earth all on his own.

So I can't wait to go see Noah starring a bunch of Englishmen, an Aussie knucklehead and an American babe. But I'm going to see it on a Sunday morning because all the dopes who actually believe this happened will be in church listening to other fairy tales, right? Love Sunday mornings, all the riff raff is confined into one space.

Aqua Buddha Storms Berkeley!

Oh look at that. Rand Paul (President in 2016 fer sure-Ky) in jeans, rappin with the kids at Berkeley about the big bad government infiltrating the Free Speech movement and killin all those Black Panthers that don't exist except in the twisted mind of Roger Ailes. Yayyy Rand Paul, Power to the People Baby, Right on! I could see the ghost of Mario Savio!!!

Rand Paul is the kind of guy who appeals to 20 year olds who want to smoke dope, and uhhhhhhh, smoke dope. Paul appeals to the 17 year olds fascinated with Atlas Shrugged and put Ayn Rand's poster in their room cuz she's like for freedom man. You know, the kind of kid who thinks Ayn Rand is a dude and told the government to shove it on the way to cash the Social Security checks.

Rand Paul is the kind of guy who appeals to people who hear him say "I'm going to give you a million dollars" but then start screaming like they've just seen a Beach Boy and don't hear "but first I'm going to cut out a couple of your organs to give it to the rich guy over there". Listennnnnnnn. Please.

Rand Paul is the latest darling of the political press. He's a fuckin shoo in in 2016. How can he lose? He spoke in Berkeley!! It's over! When you lose Berkeley, it's over Democraps! 50 state sweep! You think Putin's your hero now, just wait till 2016 when Congress consists of 535 right wing, errrrr, patriotic Republicans and the White House is in control of the Aqua Buddha. You libs are finished. Rand Paul and his freedom loving supporters will brutally crush you cuz FREEDOM!

Riiiiight. Rand Paul is a fraud. Elected to the Senate by Kentucky. The same state that gives us Mitch McConnell and the place Mark Twain or somebody else very smart said "“When the end of the world comes, I want to be in Kentucky because it's always twenty years behind the times”. Kentucky and 400 people in Berkeley do not make a juggernaut.

Hey folks, lefties who like Rand Paul because he's all for "privacy" and will stop technology in its tracks from snooping on you as you post everything about your life on social media and then expect nobody to notice except your BFF's. Rand Paul is the same old right wing kook as your Daddy's right wing kook. He loves freedom so much he wants to outlaw abortion in all cases, he wants the gays to stop being gay and get back in the closet, and he wants to make the world safe for child killers andmass murderers by repealing any common sense gun laws.

Rand Paul is just this moment in times Fred Thompson or Gary Bauer. By 2016 the press' precious Rand Paul will be pimping reverse mortgages or falling off a stage in New Hampshire.

Hopefully the latter. It never fails to amuse.

Stones Masterpiece!

The Rolling Stones. The World's Greatest Rock n Roll Band. Just ask them. Or one of their devotees.

Are they? Of course not but who am I to judge? The Stones are every bit as important in the history of rock as anybody, except the Beatles of course. Their songs are timeless. Their hits are classics that never get old. And they haven't been relevant since 1974 when Mick Taylor had enough of Keith Richards bullshit and quit. This is their history. Sorry, Ron Wood fans, but that guy is like when Sammy Hagar joined Van Halen. Jump the Shark anybody?

But to suggest I don't like the Rolling Stones is wrong. I do like them. Love them at times. I love it when the inevitable comes in any Marty Scorcese movie and we get to hear a Stones classic. But to see them now pains me. In fact when I saw them in 1981 it pained me. Quite honestly I thought as a live band they sucked. And they were barely pushing 40 years old then.

The Rolling Stones. Yep it's love/hate with me. The brilliance of Satisfaction. The timelessness of Street Fighting Man. The genius of Paint It Black. The laziness of She's So Cold or Shattered.

And then there's Happy. I recall a story I read many moons ago where somebody asked Keith Richards why he didn't sing more of their songs. Keith replied with the classic "Well then what would HE do?". And that is what the Stones are to me. Genius musicians like Keith, Brian Jones, Bill Wyman and Charlie Watts, the glue that keeps it all together. Then there's Jagger, prancing around like a rooster onstage, being the greatest front man ever. It works. And then it didn't.

Onward.

Worst Rolling Stones song:

I'm tempted to say anything after 1974 (other then the great Love Is Strong or A Little T&A) but it has to be :

Angie

I fucking hate that song. I hated that song in high school. I hated that song in college. I hate that song now on my way to the AARP meeting. The speculation on who it's about I hate. Carly Simon had already done that. Damn, the time period it used to take for me to hear the opening note to when I flipped the radio station was so minuscule Steven Hawking would have been amazed.

My Favorite Rolling Stones song:

Gimme Shelter


Come on now. The song is pure raw emotion. Mick Jagger was never better. Add Merry Clayton screaming "rape, murder" is bone chilling. They were never better. If the apocalypse ever does come, I'm sticking this tune in my ears, Bring it on, Four Horsemen, I have Gimme Shelter going.

Masterpiece:

Sympathy For The Devil

I was tempted to say Gimme Shelter cuz it IS a masterpiece but Sympathy For The Devil is also a masterpiece. This song is part of the reason I have always felt a certain admiration for English musicians who seem to be writing smarter lyrics than their American counterparts (sorry Bob & Bruce, I don't mean you). I don't know why this happens, maybe perhaps because American musicians tend to be less educated (yeah,you Motley Crue) but the history lessons in this song show a certain awareness of history. It may have been the times, it may have been Mick Jagger's angst. I don't know. But it IS a masterpiece.

The Stones are certainly in the Top 5 of all time. There's no doubt. It's just that Jagger's act gets on my nerves sometimes. It gets on Charlie Watts' nerves sometimes. Remember the story of him punching Mick in the face for calling for "my fucking drummer" and then stating "You are my fucking singer". Goddamn ,Charlie, you ARE my favorite Stone ever. Even if that never happened, it should have.

Freddie's Dead!

Back on December 7th, 2001 my first encounter with the Phelps family occurred. A young Omaha North High School student named Brad Fuglei had committed suicide a couple of weeks before. He was an activist at North who had organized gay rights rallies and fought for nondiscrimination policies in other school districts in the area. He had accomplished more in his 19 years than the Phelps clan had ever dreamed of accomplishing. But whatever Brad's demons were, they won when he took his own life.

That cold day in December of 2001, the Phelps family drove up from Topeka in their vans and cars to stand outside North High with hateful signs and be the pains in the asses they so try to be. And 100 of us, instead of ignoring the evil as so many want people to do, went to show the Phelps folk that we did care about Brad Fuglei and their hate would not stand.

There were only 20 of the inbreds up here that day and Fred Phelps didn't show up. Coward. But the saddest part of the whole day was seeing little children holding signs that they couldn't possibly understand with looks of fear on their faces seeing the 100 counter protesters standing across the street. Child abuse anyone?

I didn't say much that day. Others, obvious veterans of the Phelps War, taunted Shirley Phelps with personal insults and memories of past encounters. It was almost like a professional wrestling match where the combatants knew each other. It was almost scripted. It was just sad.

Shirley Phelps was putting her signs in the van to go back to the rock she lives under in Topeka. The crowd had dispersed and I found myself 10 feet away from her. I am not a person who likes confrontations. But something came over me at that moment and I found myself screeching "Shame on you, Shirley, go home you hateful bitch!" She looked back at me and said nothing. Who won? Probably her.

A few years later she and her band of miscreants showed up to picket a dead kid's funeral. He had been killed in Iraq. I went to that counter protest also, but to help block them from being seen by the family of the dead soldier. Some guy drove by that day and pepper sprayed what he thought were the Phelps. It wasn't them, it was us. Thanks, man.

Now that Fred Phelps is gone, I feel nothing. I'm not happy. I don't care. His hatred just gets passed on. His death stops nothing. So to his haters, go ahead and vent and act just like him. Trust me, it's not worth the effort.

Times have changed right in front of this hateful family. They may be the LGBT's community's best friend. Seeing those crazy people through the years may have sped up the acceptance of gay marriage, gay rights etc. Who knows?

All I know is Fred Phelps, wherever he is, is still the most unhappy prick who ever lived. Rest in Peace,asshole. I can say that because I know it's impossible.