Peggy Noonan Won What? Now That Has To Be Fake News!

Christ I dont know if the Pulitzer Committee got cases of Chardonnay from an anonymous source over the last few weeks but they must have been blasted out of their minds for awarding Peggy Noonan a Pulitzer Prize for drunk typing or commentary or whatever the fuck it is she does.

Peggy dear, who was responsible for those baffling ramblings that came out of the mouth of Reagan during his Reign of Is He Senile, now drunk comments for the Wall Street Urinal (a little Rush humor for ya there lol) and the wild and crazy creeps who run that rag must be as ecstatic as if another hedge fund guy caused old guys to kill themselves by closing down their livelihood and selling the parts.

Dame Margaret Peggy must have woke up this morning, waved the haze out of her cobweb head, downed the remainder of the wine glass on her bed side table and exclaimed "where did I put that Ronald Reagan fathead?" Then the phone rang and she was informed that the Pulitzer Prize for hazy commentary was all hers to which she must have thought, rationally for a change, "are they giving out paticipation Pulitzers now?"

Giving a Pulitzer for commentary to a condescending Mother Superior wanna be like Sister Mary Nooners is like giving out a Pulitzer for journalism to Russian Bots spreading their pro Trump bullshit. Which after this announcement , may be next.

Noonan, who for some reason is continually asked to come on television news panels to hem and haw and look down her nose at others, writes some of the most nonsensical bullshit you've never read. Reading a Countess Peggy column is an exercise in futility. Chrissakes she makes Maureen Dowd seem normal. To get past the first paragraph of a Queen Peggy commentary is well, impossible. To say you have is to lie.

I admit I have no fucking idea what motivates her, other than a scotch and water. She gets all hot and bothered over the stupidest shit. In the age of Trump, the vulgar side of politics she's always pretended to disdain, she becomes the wise old soothsayer who imagines a "sane" Donald Trump and then pretends it's real. A sane Donald Trump? Really Peggers?

Noonan once became upset over a group of oversensitive Columbia University students who saw sexism and racism in old poems. Imagine that? Dame Noonan decided to respond to the bunch of surly students lecturing them that old poems are great and they, the cantankerous coeds, are spoiled brats. Well Sister Groucho, your gin stained view of the world is no less valuable than that of a group of easily offended scholars.

She wrote, " I won’t name the four undergraduate authors, because 30 years from now their children will be on Google, and because everyone in their 20s has the right to be an idiot."

She forgot to add because everyone in their 60's has the right to be an idiot too.

Congrats, Duchess Pegs, on your Pulitzer. It's the modern day equivalent of the Nobel Committee giving a Peace Prize to a war criminal named Henry Kissinger. I'd buy you the drinks, but I dont have that much money.

Trump's Good Week??

Yeah Bill O'Reilly returned the favor. Told his fossilized viewers what a good week Donald Trump had and then it slip on why exactly he and his octogenarian viewers think Trump had a"good week". Cuz the "Trump haters" are frustrated. Yowza, when the libflakes and the snowtards are "frustrated" then no matter what Trump and his handlers did, however horrible, then it must be good. As these couch bound bitters watch their hero, he of the gropey hands and lawsuit losses, carry on about his buddy, and the fires of hell lap at their support stockings, well at least as they fade into oblivion they know the cucks and the blacks are worse off and that's good. But we are the haters.

Donald Trumpski got on the horn on Thursday, or rather one of his mouthpieces did cuz he was partaaaaying with the Chinese guy, and warned his Russian bosses that he was going to send about a billion dollars worth of missiles into the air and blow up an airfield so you may want to tell your Syrian goons to head to the hookah bar for a few hours. And then Trump sent 60 Tomahawks off to blow shit up. Nothing helps a 34% approval rating like an act of war to rally dumb Americans behind you. Raytheon, the maker of these missiles, wishes to thank you for the stock uptick and yes we will get right on replacing those 60 missiles and oh yeah the price is higher now due to the fact our workers actually expect to be paid to do their patriotic duty.

So when the missiles hit what was an abandoned airfield and went boom, all of media went oh my gawwwwwwwwwd, ratings! Again they couldnt wait to exclaim how cool missile attacks are and how Donald Trump, man child leader, suddenly became "President". You know, like that night he gave a speech to that band of thieves in Congress and somehow managed to not have his zipper down and vomit on Paul Ryan and he was judged to have become "President". The media, sitting on a restrained longing to love this Toddler in Chief, cannot wait to declare Trump's actions legitimate, strong, presidential, uhhhh normal. He might come on out network, ohhhhh Donald.This is how they reach out to flyover country, sitting at home watching Sean Hannity and blaming the black guy. You know Hannity, the man who crapped on Obama's want to bomb the shit out of Syria back in 2013,presumably without calling in a heads up to Putin and Assad. But now that his reach around buddy Trump has done it, those 2013 tweets are being washed away and the screen grabs are the far left's attempt to smear his flat head.

Donald Trump had a good week?

Mitch McConnell, as disgusting of an American as Paul Ryan, had to force through a Supreme Court nominee by changing ancient rules of the Senate that had survived every shitty moment in American history. The "nuclear option". Oh boy this sounds good. McConnell, after being able to only muster three cowardly Democrats from deep red states to vote for this thief of a nominee, took the road to Armageddon and nuked the worlds oldest body of lawmakers. You know, the good body of statesmen and heroes that were a counter measure to that group of hicks and rubes in the House of Representatives. Well no more thanks to a chinless cracker from Kentucky with a warped sense of history. The United States Senate, full of "statesmen" like John Cornyn (Liar-Tx) and Ted Cruz (Alien-Canada) has become just another group of red state dipshits with nice suits bought by special interests and a gift for gab just one step over their inarticulate voters.

Neil Gorsuch represents a "good week" for Trump. This folksy bullshit artist hemmed and hawed his way through his hearings by saying virtually nothing. Ah shucks Senator, I dont really know the answer to that very good question. Oh gee, Senator, I must have been playing with my cutesy wife and little girls that day and did you notice the black chick sitting behind me which of course means the blacks all love me.

Well maybe not all of them, Neil. Alphonse Maddin probably isnt too fond of you. You see, Neil, if you can somehow remember that case you ruled on in between playing tiddlywinks with the kiddies or going to the rodeo to bust sheep, you ruled that Corporate America, who are just like people, could fire Mr.Maddin for saving his own life and perhaps the lives of others. You may recall that Alphonse Maddin, a truck driver, a regular guy that the Republicans are looking out for, found his brakes were frozen due to the below freezing temperature. So Maddin called in his problem to his employer, a person called TransAm for help. Hey, Alphonse, said Mr.TransAm help is on the way, stay put. So he stayed put for about two hours until he began to fucking freeze to death. He called this person, TransAm, again. Stay put said TransAm. But Maddin couldnt feel his feet and his legs and his body so he did what anybody would do. He got out of the truck, unhitched the trailer, and drove the truck to a warm place where he could continue being alive.

So for this obvious transgression, Mister TransAm, a person, fired Alphonse Maddin for abandoning his trailer. Maddin filed a complaint with OSHA, a government agency the Republicans think is unnecessary cuz safety is so much for pussies. The complaint was upheld and Mister TransAm, an American citizen, sued and went to the Appeals Court where on Neil Gorsuch sat, presumably with his cute kids bouncing on his lap. The court upheld the complaint by a 2-1 margin.

Guess who the one was? Yep it was everybody's favorite Daddy Judge, Neil Gorsuch. Neil apparently thought that Alphonse Maddin, a second class American citizen, was in no way justified in saving his own life and not driving that frozen braked truck on the public roads and perhaps killing other second class American citizens. First class American citizen, TransAm, was right to shitcan Alphonze Maddin. Yep, Neil Gorsuch thinks Corporate America, a citizen, trumps everyone else.

So for that I say fuck Neil Gorsuch. No not fuck him as a SCOTUS life member. I'm sure he will be just a terrible as I think. Fuck him as an American citizen. Fuck him as a person. Fuck him as a human being. He'll fit right in with this bunch.
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Good week for Il Douche' and as usual a bad week for the rest of the world.

Birds Of A Feather!

"I dont think Bill did anything wrong". That's the opinion of the Pussy Grabber In Chief regarding the old lecherous Bill O'Reilly and his numerous sexual harassment lawsuits settled to the tune of $13 million.

Well of course he doesnt think Billo did anything wrong other than settle because Trump never settles any lawsuits either. Wait, what? The Fraud in Chief settled his $25 million Trump University lawsuit for grifting morons out of their money over the years? Wow, Russian Stooge In Chief, you're $12 million ahead of that creepy old Lothario. At least Billo never started his own University which would have consisted of nothing but grad assistants ready to get groped by the Fox News Romeo in his office.

Bill O'Reilly is that middle school teacher who thinks he's cool, but is actually an asshole and then brags that his students loved him while the students all say "seen that asshole O'Reilly lately? He's melting and he's still the biggest prick I ever dealt with".

O'Reilly is the kind of doughy disco jerk who went to clubs in the 70's, opened his shirt to his pot belly, hit on every chick in the joint, and went home alone. Oh yeah, O'Reilly eventually bullied his way into TV news, hit on the dopey interns by promising them airtime, and fooled dumb people into saying things like "yeah he tells it like it is", you know, the same idiots who said the same shit about another bullying blowhard named Donald Trump.

I mean these two skirt chasers belong together. Aging has-beens bragging to each other about alleged past conquests while sitting in the front row at Yankee Stadium rooting for the Evil Empire. Christ, O'Reilly perceives himself as so cool he does a one finger wave and Trump is two sections late. But in reality, these two pitiful playboys long for what they will never have. Acceptance. Acceptance by the very people they hammer either on Twitter in Trump's case or in Billo's case his nightly old man yells at cloud segment he calls "Talking Points".

Rosie is a pig. Meryl is overrated. Kanye is bad. The Dixie Chicks are dumb. Bryan Cranston is bad. Beyonce is a diva.

When they wont accept you you criticize them as beneath you. Look, only dummies fall for that. To be recognized by the very celebrities you allegedly despise would give both of these limp dicks a rager.These two juvenile delinquents need to be brought down to earth.

Trump needs to be impeached at the very least and his wild and crazy buddy O'Reilly needs to be fired from his cranky old man show.

God how I wish for the return of the man who brought them both down from their imaginary throne. David Letterman.

Louse Speaker!

Well that clusterfuck is over. The Republicans repealed Obamacare 60 plus times when they knew Obama was President and it wouldn't ever matter, thus being able to cater to their ignorant constituents who didn't know Obamacare from the Affordable Care Act.

Well those days are over you yellow bellies because when given the chance to actually repeal an actual plan and replace with nothing but tax cuts for their owners donors well off constituents they took a powder.

The Republican House members, led by a Ayn Rand loving loathsome hater like Paul Ryan (Charlatan-WI), couldn't get their shit together to do something they'd done dozens of times because some of them got all baffled by that "replace" part.

Some of the rubes in the House thought replacing the Obamacare with anything was just too generous to humanity. These "Freedom Caucus" members, a gang of misanthropes so utterly nasty they cannot comprehend the suffering of anyone other than rich white males, could not stand any health care plan that covered virtually anything. Those broads, the ones that had been rejecting them for years, dont need no mammograms or maternity coverage. The poor are poor because they are lazy and shiftless and its better off if they just die anyway. This Freedom Caucus was not to be moved off their lonely hill where they think Donald Trump is a philanthropist. The Freedom Caucus consists of 30 of the whitest men you would ever meet. They alone were ready to fuck this replacement part up in the name of "freedom". Thanks, Freedom Caucus. You are all still complete assholes though.

When you take out that bunch of despicable creeps, you are left with the rest of the Republicans. You know, the ones who wanted to "replace" the ACA (thats Obamacare,idiots) with the Ryan Trump Plan which would lower premiums and provide you with choice (something those chicks shouldn't get) of plans. It would lower costs from providers and give everybody a free unicorn.

Now all of that is 100% true. Sorry, fellow Democrats, but for once the Republicans are telling the truth. It would lower premiums for most people because whatever you pay now is definitely higher than $0 which is what you'd pay after Trump Care passed because you couldn't afford to buy insurance. It would provider you with a choice. The choice to not afford this plan or not afford that plan, your choice. If you choose to not buy a plan, well then lah dee dah, freedom! Lower costs from providers? You betcha! Cuz not going to the doctor because you cant afford it is free! See, what a plan! The free unicorn? Just get hooked on the black market opiates and voila! Unicorn!

The Democrats and the Freedom Caucus kicked Trump right in the ass today. The American people kicked that whiny toddler right in the ass today too. Donald Trump is a loser. He is ill prepared and quite frankly in over his head. Just quit Donnie!

With the defeat of Trump Care today perhaps we can now get back to the important stuff. Like getting to the bottom of how this rancid administration ran the campaign against Hillary. How involved were these Russian stooges with the actual Russians? How far up Putin's ass is Trump? How many of this administration of Russian lackeys will actually be in jail in the years to come?

These are the important questions. When your main line of defense is a birdbrain named Devin Nunes (Out of his League-CA) you are in deep trouble. When aforementioned birdbrain gets information and runs off to tattle to the Pigeon In Chief you know the bloodhounds are getting close. Donald Trump may get to the point that whatever tapes Putin has are the least of his problems.

What's your next move, Comrade Donald?

Aw Shucks I'm Just A Simple Mutton Bustin' Lawyer!

The gag reflex is working overtime listening to the cornpone judge claim he's just a simple country lawyer with no gosh darn opinions on much of anything. Denver Judge Neil Gorsuch, the next SCOTUS judge nominee willing to turn the country into a hateful wasteland, is knocking softballs out of the park as Republican Judiciary Committee members ask him if he's a Nazi or anything like those Demoncrats say he is.

Now the fact remains Gorsuch should not even be sitting there. Surrounded by his loving adoring gazing wife and the strategically placed black woman, Mary Elizabeth Taylor, a sort of Omarosa Lite Gorsuch is aw shucksing his way to the inevitable lifetime seat confirmation he stole from Barack Obama and Merrick Garland. Oh he will be confirmed, because the hillbillies voted for enough Republicans to make it inevitable. That and the fact the Democrats are pussies.

Trump has obviously sold this seat to the various right wing groups who are bankrolling this farce. Trump wouldnt know a Supreme Court decision from a Maury Povich DNA test much less know anything about Neil Gorsuch, who may as well have a Federalist Society tattoo on his forehead. When the fainting couch fan, Lindsey Graham, asked Gorsuch what he wold have done had Trump demanded he vote to overturn Roe V Wade Gorsuch puffed up the phony indignation and proclaimed Why Suh, I would have gotten up and walked right out that door. Excuse me while I gag. Yeah sure, Neil. Besides the fact Trump thinks Roe V Wade is the name of one of his doormen, the thought of that scenario is laughable. Trump never asked anything of the kind of a guy like Gorsuch. Gorsuch was the name given him by The Heritage Foundation and had Rubio or Cruz or Santorum somehow won the White House, Gorsuch would still have been the guy.

Look, Gorsuch is as forgetful a nominee as I can ever remember with all his gee willikers surprise at some of the questions. Diane Feinstein nailed him in his sneaky advisement of the Cheney DOJ on how to circumvent laws against torture but Gorsuch bobbed and weaved with his gee maam I was just one voice in a crowded room and I'd really have to look at my notes to see what I advised. Yeah Im pretty sure I'd remember if I told some sick fuck like Cheney that plucking the fingernails out of suspects was a-ok with me.

Sheldon Whitehouse asked Gorsuch about the $10 million in Citizens United money that is backing this thieving nomination. Gorsuch has no idea what it is in fact claimed "It is what it is". Gee ok there, Judge Denial.

My gawd, the things Gorsuch claims to not know would disqualify a simple law clerk from doing anything other than running to Starbucks to get the latte's. Gorsuch's feigned ignorance is so infuriating, or should be, to anyone with even a 6th grade level of understanding the consequences of confirming this phony Chauncey Gardner to the Supreme Court.

Al Franken knows absurdity. And Al Franken made this statement after Gorsuch attempted to justify his vote to allow a company to fire a truck driver who refused to put his own life and others in danger by driving a truck with frozen brakes and refusing to sit in the cab and freeze to death.

"It is absurd to say that this company was within its rights to fire him because he made a choice not to—of possibly dying by freezing to death or causing other people to die because he was driving an unsafe vehicle. That's absurd. Now I had a career in identifying absurdity, and I know it when I see it."

Are you absurd, Neil Gorsuch, or are you just another of the 6th grade level thinking miscreants running around this putrid administration?

I think we know.

FBI Blues!

If there was ever a case of buyer's remorse, it happened yesterday when FBI Director James Comey realized what he had done by throwing a bomb into the 2016 election when he derailed Hillary and allowed a fascist toddler to "win" the Presidency by appealing to racists xenophobes sexists economic anxious racists sexists bigots working class white people.

Within the first quarter of his testimony under oath, in front of a Republican dominated committee of Trump apologists, Comey confirmed that the FBI had concluded Donald John Trump was a goddamned liar AND a Russian stooge. Case closed. Impeach the creep now. Huh?

Trey Gowdy (Jug Eared Alien-SC) concluded only one thing from the Comey revelations. Jail the fucking press for reporting it. Now Gowdy (Bug Eyed Swamp Rat-SC) is truly a taxpayer money wasting redneck, but for this Benghazi obsessed deviant to conclude from the fact that his Russian puppet leader is a liar and a foreign operative that the only problem is the people reporting it is truly dangerous.

There were other Republican hacks with selective hearing. Devin Nunes (Lalalala-Ca) pretty much blamed Obama for all of it as mentally ill fascists tend to do. Nunes, a truly stupid man, falsely claimed that the Obummer administration was attempting to suck up to America's true leader, Vladimir Putin (POTUS-USA), for 8 years. This despite the fact, not an alt fact, a fact that Prez Putin hated Obama and Hillary for telling him to go fuck himself regularly. Comey made the remark "They wanted to hurt our democracy, hurt her and help him," about Russian meddling while being lectured by a Trump hack named Mike Conaway (Invisible-Tx). I am surprised Trump goons didnt bust in and rough up Comey at that point as the entire hearing was summed up at that point. Impeachment anyone?

Of course I am dreaming. Impeaching a clown like Trump is not on the table until at least after this bunch of anarchist sociopaths in Congress get their wish to turn the nation into the oligarchy paradise they want. Until they have used a truly morally bankrupt lunatic like Trump for all they can get out of him, they will never take any action against him. It's all about winning. They won and how it happened is irrelevant. Just as it is irrelevant to the millions of bitter people who have been convinced to hate "libtards" and "snowflakes" to the point of advocating traitorous activity and outright fraud.

But just remember. The same FBI guy Trump loved after he sabotaged Hillary's campaign is now after Trump. Dummy!!! Sad!

Chuck And Jimmy!

While President Nutty Turd frolicked in Florida yet again as the world burns, the weekend got even worse when it was learned that rock n roll argued inventor, Chuck Berry, passed on at age 90 and the argued greatest newspaper columnist ever, Jimmy Breslin, passed on at age 88. If you are from Chicago, or are a Mike Royko fanboy, as I, Breslin was certainly in the Top 2, right? And Chuck Berry, who wrote the guitar riffs that every other rock guitarist ever used as a center point, was the man who started it all.

Chuck Berry took country swing and combined it with blues to make a new sound that took radio by storm. White kids who normally listened to radio which played weak love songs and regenerated slowed down swing music heard Maybellene and went what the heck is that? Then it ballooned into a hit factory. Using the iconic Chuck Berry riffs, the radio went batshit on Rock n Roll Music, School Days, and the arguably greatest rock song ever, Johnny B Goode. Berry went on tour and on TV perfecting his famous duck walk while showing white America what a black dude from St Louis could do.

Berry entered my life as his career faded. His only #1 hit was a 1972 novelty song recorded live in England. "My Ding A Ling" was played on the Top 40 radio incessantly and I heard it as a rebellious teen and loved it. In retrospect of course its a juvenile crappy song and I bought the 45. But on the flip side (thats when you turn the small record over and play the throwaway song they dumped there, kids), oh the flip side of My Ding A Ling. It was a live version of Johnny B Goode. Goddam, what the heck is that? I played that version of Johnny B Goode about 100 times more than I ever played My Ding A Ling. A movie came out, and I dont recall its name (or I'd buy it) but it was a live stadium concert of 50's and early 60's rock acts like Bill Haley and the Shirelles and Little Richard (please stay alive forever) and Chuck Berry. Chuck Berry rocked and duck walked and played the hell out of that guitar and the movie theater crowd in Texas that day ate up every moment. I then went next door and snuck into Jesus Christ Superstar so I was very religious that day in my worship. Chuck Berry was THE MAN. I dont care about his troubled personal life and his snarkiness and his Trump like obsession with women's urinary functions because again, Chuck Berry was THE MAN.

Jimmy Breslin was the New Yorker most people who think of when they think New Yorker. A cigar chomping hard drinking man's man so to speak. Jimmy Breslin was a newspaper columnist for so many years it's impossible to even remember. He didnt write opinions as much as he wrote stories. Jimmy could take a hugs story, such as the JFK assignation, and write a column about the everyman who actually dug JFK's grave, or about a New York cop's perspective on that fateful night John Lennon was shot at the Dakota. Jimmy Breslin championed the underdog and fought like hell to take down the crooked comfortable who exploited them.

Jimmy Breslin used to be a reporter on a late night televison news program I watched. He interviewed a young Hispanic woman who worked as a maid in a New York hotel and was struggling to feed her children. As Breslin spoke with her she suddenly became passionate about what she was saying and began to speak Spanish for a moment. She apologized and said her English wasnt so good to which Jimmy Breslin made perhaps the kindest remark I may have ever heard. He told her to never apologize for speaking two languages because that was one more language than he could speak. Wow. That is kindness from a rough and tough guy. I have never forgotten that.

Jimmy Breslin was a man who saw things so much differently than most of us. While we were dazzled by the sparkly shiny stuff, he was dazzled by the stuff that didnt sparkle. He wrote an entire book about the worst baseball team ever. The 1962 New York Mets. Breslin wrote The Gang That Couldnt Shoot Straight a novel not about the Trump Administration but about the mob.

God I loved Jimmy Breslin. After the 2004 re-election of George W Bush he just kind of cleared off his desk and went home saying what the hell does it matter anymore. I so wish I had his brain, which he wrote about in I Want to Thank My Brain for Remembering Me: A Memoir about his aneurysm. The man was unique and he never succumbed to the crankiness and conservatism of old age like I think Mike Royko did.

You may remember that David Berkowitz, the serial killer known as Son of Sam who terrorized NYC in the 1970s killing young women and their dates, used to write letters to Breslin at the New York Daily News while he was still at large. When Berkowitz was caught and Breslin went to court to witness the arraignment of this twisted murderer, Berkowitz saw Jimmy and exclaimed " Hey its my friend, I know him" to which Breslin replied in perfect timing "Just shoot him".

Chuck and Jimmy. I will miss you both more than anyone will ever know.