Beatles Buzz!

I am continuing my Beatles High this week. If you get a chance, go see A Hard Day's Night at your local snobby movie theater. You will be happy for another 90 minutes.

I don't want this Beatles Buzz to end.

Happiness Defined!

From Eight Days A Week to The End this legendary 72 year old genius puts on a show that nobody would not flash back and be happy again. 2 hours and 45 minutes of being a kid again. Thanks, Paul McCartney. Seriously, thank you.

Hard Days Night!

This kid was walking around Omaha Sunday night and guess who he stumbled upon. Ladies and gents, the first selfie worth a damn. Who that older guy is sitting next to Warren Buffett is I have no idea!

The Duke Of Hazard!

You think the good folks of Nor-Fork are dumb the're Mensas compared to Kentucky State Senator Brandon Smith (Dumbass-Hazard) who actually said...on the record.........in front of an open mike......in a hearing......out loud........

“As you (Energy & Environment Cabinet official) sit there in your chair with your data, we sit up here in ours with our data and our constituents and stuff behind us. I don’t want to get into the debate about climate change, but I will simply point out that I think in academia we all agree that the temperature on Mars is exactly as it is here. Nobody will dispute that. Yet there are no coal mines on Mars. There are no factories on Mars that I’m aware of.”

Huh? Now I'm no scientist or nuthin but I believe Mars is really cold. Like about -80 Fahrenheit, or -60 Celsius for you commies. And here on Earth it gets to minus 80 only when Cindy McCain enters a room. But even with that, it does average 58 degrees above zero all over Earth, or as its known in Kentucky, Mars Junior.

Good lord, Senator Smith. You were confusing the temperature on Mars with the average IQ of a Kentucky Republican. They ARE the same.

Please Mars, if you're out there, come to Frankfurt, Kentucky. Don't let your average Kentuckian tell ya to go to Louisville or Lexington. The problem is in Frankfurt. Please.

How Do You Pronounce Norfolk? Wrong!

Nebraska is a big state. No I don't mean big as in lots of people but big as in obese. Bloated and empty. Full of dying rural towns where the young people either count the days until they can get the hell out or count the days until they get to take over the bitch club down at the Dew Drop Inn. You've seen Nebraska, right? Sorry, but it's true. Lots of the rural folks didn't like that little slap back to reality because they didn't like how they were portrayed as decent human beings with faults and virtues. Inconceivable!

Nebraska has 93 counties in it servicing about a million and a half people. Simple math would tell you that's about 89 counties too many. But I digress. Of the 93 counties, about 90 of them hate, hate, hate that Kenyan Usurper Traitorous Muslim Socialist Commie Nazi, Barack Hussein Saddam Nobummer. The President guy. Impeach!!

The 4th of July is a glorious time in small town Nebraska. Parades and flags and fireworks and weaselly Republican politicians convincing them how protecting the rights of millionaires is somehow in their best interests. Oh what a day it is. America's Birthday!

Madison County, Nebraska has a gloried history and some very famous townfolk. Oh Christ, the only town there is Norfolk. Johnny Carson used to live there. He gave money to build them a community theater. He never forgot where he came from. Gina Statutory lived there. It's Johnny's town, period.

Norfolk, Nebraska. By the way, somehow the locals see the word Nor-Folk and pronounce it Nor-Fork which may explain a lot of this overly long story.

Nor-Fork has its annual 4th of July parade. Where we all come together and celebrate and wave flags and forget that most of your neighbors are right wing assholes. You know, put away the partisan bullshit for one hour or so before you run back inside to see what O'Reilly is bitching about.

Nor-Fork couldn't do that. See above float. Obama Presidential Library. It's an outhouse! Har har! Saw that on Facebook once. Harrrrr! Thats cuz that Obummer is stupid right? Golllllldarn that is funny as hell!

Well now, there are some people, not many, but some, who think that kind of parade float is a bit too much for a birthday celebration. You know, kind of partisan. You know like wishing someone a happy birthday and then telling them how fucking stupid they are. Ahhhhhh whats the big deal.

Now the problem with Nor-Fork is not so much some dumbshit on a parade committee thought the float was a knee slapper but the fact the same committee STILL thinks it's a knee slapper. Rick Konopasek of the Nor-Fork Parade Committee or whatever its called, not only thinks the float was the bees knees, but he cannot believe anybody is upset.

Cue Mr.Konopasek......"It's obvious the majority of the community enjoyed it. So should we deny the 95% of those that liked it their rights, just for the 5 percent of people who are upset?"......Those damned 5 percent! Well at least he called them people, that's progress I guess. Oh, Mr.Konopasek, by the way, your county is about 24.9 % Commie since that's how many voted for that Outhouse Library Dweller, Nobama.

Cue parade announcer Wally Sonnenschein....."For the most part, this is a conservative community. I really don't see anything wrong with the Obama float and I'm kind of amazed anyone is complaining." Something tells me Mr.Sonnenschein is very easy to amaze. Whattya mean you don't think he was born in Kenya??? I'm amazed!

The point is this. Fuck you and your partisan bullshit in a goddamned parade on the 4th of July. I don't recall anywhere where a Republican President was portrayed in a 4th of July parade as an illiterate dummy even though there was one in office recently. Nobody wants to see that garbage as you're sitting there with your kids watching your neighbors wave from cars and floats.

Dear Nor-Fork. Johnny Carson was funny. You are not.

U S A! U S A!

Happy Independence Day! U S A U S A!. Such a rhythmically soothing chant. U S A U S A! I have no idea when it was first used. I believe I first heard it during the 1980 Winter Olympics when a bunch of American college kids beat a bunch of Soviet professionals in a hockey game. U S A U S A! Hell, even I was screeching it then. Anytime after that though, it became obnoxious. Note the U S A U S A chants during the 1936 Berlin, 1984 Los Angeles Olympics when the United States basketball team was trouncing Angola or Somalia or the Vatican or somebody. Enough.

Since 1980 the U S A chant has gone from a genuine Jesus Christ we actually won something we shouldn't have to a sort of bullying screed yelled by drunks so beaten down that the idea of being able to kill others with military force is their whole self esteem. Uhhhhhhh yeah, I'm young and without hope but uhhhh the U S A U S A can bomb the shit out of you so U S A U S A! The luck of my parents sperm and eggs coming together in the U S A U S A makes me better than you!

Yeah it's obnoxious. But it's easy to holler. It's relatively harmless. It makes the whole rest of the world hate our guts. Big deal.

And then came Tuesday.

Murietta, California. A band of 200 or 300 or who cares, cranky people blocked a bus full of young children and families being transported to a processing center. Why were these 200 or 300 people so cranky over a bus full of kids? Oh yeah, they were those damned "illegals". Undocumented aliens if you're a pussy lib. Waving flags and waving signs telling these kids to go home cuz shit, that 8 year old Honduran might cause Murietta to become less than 81% white.

And then came the U S A U S A chant. The irony of that was lost on these latest versions of the Bundy ranch crowd. Surrounding a bus full of scared, homeless kids and refusing it entrance to the utopia that is Murietta is reprehensible. Mob rule by people who the next day overflowed a town hall and screeched for Honduran or Guatemalan children to be dropped off in Tijuana, screamed the old take care of our own first bullshit and by our own they mean themselves, and yelled for the impeachment of Nobama. Ohhhhhhhhhh I see.......

From now on, the Bundy Ranch crowd, itching for a fight, will descend on this town. Protesting against policies that allow people to come here illegally is fine. We know you hate them unless they come from Ireland or England or Germany and that's fine too. But to scare the shit out of children is not fine. It's bullying. It makes you bullies. U S A U S A chants while frightening foreigners looking to better themselves or save their own miserable lives makes you obnoxious douchenozzles.

But its on again. The unending fight to rid this nation of that black guy socialist Kenyan knows no boundaries. Even if we have to make kids piss their pants in fear, it will not stop us from wailing about impeaching Obummer, howling about "illegals" taking our jerbs or participating in any other modern day Klan rallies.

The Statue weeps. Your Jesus weeps.

Happy Birthday U S A U S A! Now that Tim Howard is done saving the nation, celebrate by watching gluttons stuff hot dogs in their mouths like I do! Now that is the U S A U S A!

POLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

Polls Polls Polls! Who takes these fucking things seriously? Well depending on your point of view they either mean everything (Thad Cochran is finished) or mean nothing (Thad Cochran is finished).

Quinnipiac University , I don't know if it's in Indiana or on the Moon, has taken polls for years that mean nothing. Yet for some reason because so called journalists are desperate to say anything other than the word "Kardashian" the Quinnipiac polls are constantly referred to as "news". Quinnipiac University , with 6000 polling majors, took a poll of what apparently are brain damaged people who still remembered how to pick up a phone while retaining no long term memory cells on who is the worst president since World War 2 and the winner was the guy in office now because who else can I think of that enrages me.

33% of the drooling phone picker uppers yelled out Obummer is the worst since World War 2 which ended when, in about 1960? 28% had enough brain matter left to holler out the worst of all time, the man who broke the world, the master of disaster, George W Bush. Then it drops down to 13% for an actual crook, Dick Nixon and 8% for the one guy everybody used to hate, the only decent human being who has held the office since Jesus founded America, Jimmy Carter. Damn, Republican hated of Bill Clinton has fallen off so much he only pulled 3% and he tied with Saint Reagan. I guess skin color beats blowjobs in Republican Hate Club.

Yep, 33% of respondents say that Obummer is the worst President while 35% say the guy who drooling in his lap by 1988, Saint Reagan, is the best. Something tells me the geniuses who voted both of those ways would say Nobama raised the national debt 100 times what every other President did combined and Saint Ronnie cut the deficit down to zero by cuttin all those welfare queens off from living like Mitt Romney.

Speaking of Mittens, 45% of the people who still have landlines and few clues now think electing a robotic cult member named Romney would have been a better choice than our current tyrant in chief.

The poll itself shows you the fallacy of polls like this. Truman, Ike, Kennedy, Johnson, Ford and even Carter hardly show up at all. Hell, who remembers them, they may as well be named Harrison, Grant or Van Buren. This lack of historical perspective on the part of Americans only shows you how idiotic polls like this are.

But Obummer won. And that will fuel the talk show hosts after they get their marching orders from the Heritage Foundation. Cranks will call in, jack off to Saint Reagan and kill the boner with talk of Nobama.

Perhaps the most insulting, some would say racist, reaction is that 54% of the people sitting at home watching Extra don't think Obama is "capable" of running the nation. Capable? Like a little out of his league Negro perhaps. Leave the leadership to the white guys is what I get out of that question. Fuck, war criminals like Bush and Dick were capable of leadership. Leading you right off a cliff but still "capable". That question is insulting at best and flat out racist at worst. I go for the second.

Now me, when a pollster calls me, dont answer the fucking phone cuz I have that newfangled caller ID thang. I don't need to lose even more brain cells by listening to a pollsters dumbass questions. I much prefer to kill them with beer.