And The Tony Goes To..........!

Max made his acting debut this evening as the lead character, Gary W Boone aka "Goon", in the theatrical adaptation of the children's book "Dogs Don't Tell Jokes". In every scene, with lots of lines, and a stand-up comedy routine to perform, Max kicked butt. Watching he and his fellow drama students at Prairie Wind Elementary give it their all was a pleasure. The kids were all great, onstage and off. Who needs to go to "Wicked" with a theater group like this in town? Bravo!

I Was The Lizard King!

Val Kilmer is thinking of running for Governor of New Mexico as a Democrat. I guess he thought he'd look good next to Bill_Richardson. On a positive note, to borrow from Joan Rivers a bit, I always wanted to look like a Hollywood heartthrob, and now I do!

Fire This!

All right already. I have about flipping had it with excuses in this world. Excuses are just that. excuses for bad behavior, ignorance, bigotry, and being a lousy human being. So enough. The following excuses are not acceptable any longer:

1)" I was raised that way". This excuse is one of the oldest in the book. The fact you were raised by morons does not excuse you being a moron. Carrie Prejean, the enhanced Miss California, used this one to oppose gay marriage in favor of opposite marriage. I personally don't give a rat's ass what she thinks about anything, or another rat's ass what Perez Hilton thinks about her for that matter. But this has to stop. As the religious freaks embrace her for the way she was raised, we ought to excuse 9/11 because Mohammed Atta was "raised that way"?

2) "Waterboarding isn't torture" Despicable humans from Dick Cheney to Ann Coulter to Sean Hannity keep using that one to justify war crimes. Let's see, it was torture when the Spanish did it, it was torture when the Japanese did it, it was torture when Americans did it in Vietnam, but now because we're all scared of guys in caves, it's just dunking a guy in water? From now on anybody who makes a cretinous statement like that should be sprayed in the face with cat piss.

3) "If I offended anyone, I'm sorry". Just freaking apologize for chrissakes. This non-apology apology really frosts my coils. It's gutless and insincere. If you called somebody a "retard" or told a racist joke or insulted somebody's mother with any type of recording device nearby, you should apologize. For being stupid and saying it in front of a microphone.

4) "My vote doesn't count". Bullcrap! Get off your lazy ass and go vote. You people who use that excuse and the old "lesser of two evils" speech are the reason we are in this mess now. If enough of you slackers had got off the couch and voted, Bush would never have won, twice, and Minnesota would have two Senators. Personally, if you miss voting five straight times, I'd deport you back to where you came from. Crawling out of a swamp in Africa.

5) "It's in the Bible". Great. And some blonde girl slept in a bear's bed after overdosing on porridge. The Bible is a book written by men. It has lots of cool stuff in it, like love your neighbor, help the poor, and a crazy story of a guy living in a whale. But it has lots of goofy stuff in it too, like killing mouthy kids, some wacky Supreme Being telling a guy to kill his son, and two naked teens living in a garden and getting evicted for eating an apple. Stop with the Bible excuse. Show me where that book is quoted in the Constitution. You can't? Then shut the eff up.

I've had it up to here. Stop excusing your stupidity, America. Except of course on Fox News, where they make a living at it.

Attention, Senate Pages!

A mere 5 months after marrying a real-life female person, former Florida Republican Governor Charlie H. Crist announces his run for the United States Senate seat from Florida. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

It Was Either Him Or Joe Kapp!

I would love to see this because watching Sage Rosenfels was something I had my fill of when he was getting his ass kicked by Nebraska back in 2000, when Nebraska was still good. Brett Favre is a quick fix for the Vikings and he is certainly more interesting than Tavares Jackson. but as stated in an earlier post, it won't matter because the Mighty Chicago Bears and Jay "The Greatest QB in NFL History" Cutler are steamrolling to a 19-0 record and a Super Bowl victory. Right, Bears fans?

Mine That Who?

Last Saturday the Easter of horse racing occurred when millions who ignore the sport 364 days a year tune in for the most exciting 2 minutes in sports. Though most people know nothing of horse racing (some would argue I know nothing of it either) trust me that when Mine That Bird blew past every horse in the field and won this race, it was every bit as shocking as the New York Jets winning the Super Bowl in 1969, Buster Douglas beating Mike Tyson, The Mets winning the World Series back in 1969, David knocking off Goliath and the fact the Republicans nominated an Alaskan airhead for veep in 2008.

Mine That Bird was running, and losing, races in New Mexico as recently as March. How the hell this happened is what makes racing. But this is just stupefying. This horse didn't even belong in the race, much less winning it. A masterful ride by good ol' boy Calvin Borel as this plug horse came from so far back he must have stopped for a hot dog before he started running. It's a phenomenal race to watch, as long as you know that Mine That Bird is dead last until the far turn and the announcer didn't tell you he was winning until he had blasted ahead by 4 lengths.

Last year I hated Rick Dutrow and Big Brown. This year I love Mine That Bird.

Now I Can Finish My Manifesto!

By now everyone knows that Supreme Court Justice David Souter has packed it in and is returning to his desolate New Hampshire cabin where he can pick up where he left off back in 1990 writing the Unabomber or whatever it is he did. Souter was the only thing George Bush Senior did right in his 4 years of wimpiness.

Ok now. It's time for Barack Obama to begin installing his secret agenda by appointing a new court member. We all know what he needs to do and whom he needs to appoint. But let's keep it under our Che' Guevera hats for now. Shhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!