Shouldn't They Be The Beach Men By Now?

I never much cared for the Beach Boys. They were a bunch of California beach bums with a knack for catchy tunes and insipid lyrics. But they were legends, there was no denying it. In 1977 I attended a Beach Boys concert at the old Civic Auditorium and was completely appalled by the screaming girls, the blind devotion , the syrupy banter and by a drunk Dennis Wilson croaking out an unintelligible version of "You Are So Beautiful", 6 years before he got really drunk and fell off a pier and drowned, We ended up sitting on the floor of the arena, ears plugged, waiting for it to stop.

The Beach Boys are still around, in various versions, and Max's Dad and Max attended the Omaha Symphony featuring the version that contains one original member, Mike Love, and a sort of original member, Bruce Johnston, along with an actually living Cowsill, and four younger musicians . Johnston bounded onstage looking like the crazy uncle you have to bail out of jail every now and then was followed by the band and finally by Mike Love, who looks like your goofy grandpa who's been married 6 or 7 times and has kept his Moondoggie nickname into his 60's.

A much older Max's Dad, and those same much older screaming girls from 1977 had fun, fun, fun. Love moves like a sloth, Johnston doesn't do much but sing background and clap but the younger guys were in good form singing a variety of 60's songs, not all Beach Boys tunes. I was half expecting John Cowsill, playing keyboards, to launch into "The Rain, The Park, And Other Things.

Max gave it a thumbs up, "not as good as Metallica" but ok. Hey, not to be syrupy, but spending time with a head banging 12 year old made it more fun than last time, that's for sure.

Wake Up The Echoes Cursing Her Name!

I cannot stand Notre Dame. Growing up Catholic and having that place jammed down my throat year after year made me hate them with a passion I usually only reserve for the Dallas Cowboys,the New York Yankees and the Creighton Bluejays. But I have to give them their props for sticking with the invitation for Barack Obama to give the 2009 commencement address on May 17th despite every Catholic nutjob on earth throwing a tantrum. The archbishop of South Bend, Indiana (what did HE do to get that prime assignment?) says he's not coming. I have no idea if Bishop Joe_Don_Baker_has to film Walking Tall 4 that day or if he's just pissed they didn't invite The Rock.

Anyway, once again, the catholics have reared their cute little angelic heads and decided a blastocyst is more important than a brazilian 9 year old rape victim. Isn't this getting old? Our own catholic think tank, the aforementioned Creighton University, banned a real Christian, Anne-Lamott, from speaking on it's run down campus because she doesn't bomb abortion clinics or something like that. So she spoke at a concert hall in town and the place was packed.

I resigned from the catholic corporation as soon as I reached the age of reason due to the fact it had become more about judging than loving. But Notre Dame deserves some credit, so far. If they buckle, I will place them back in the passion bucket and root against them like a madman. But if they stick to their guns, and stand up to the thugs, I may hope they beat USC this year.

I just ask one question of the censorship crowd. What frightens you? If your message made any sense, one speaker wouldn't matter. Or would it?

Shouldn't A-I-G Change It's Name To P-I-G?

There are two schools of thought on this AIG bonus nonsense. There's the mob rule mentality practiced by Congress and populists and agitators and self promoters who want to get that bonus money back by punitive taxation or physical threats or by shaming these incompetents into returning the money. Then there's the calm thinking rich radio boobs who say hey wait, this is no big deal, it's a contract, it's just 1% of the money, it's owed them, it's an overreaction, let them keep the money. Now who do you hate worse?

I hate mob mentality. It leads to bad decisions and violence and you have to hang around people with drooling problems and low IQ's . They're not always wrong, just 99% of the time.

You know what I hate worse? Rich people telling the rest of us what's good for the country. Substitute the word "me" for "the country' and you have the gist of their message. Meanwhile some guy in a Ford Festiva with a rust problem with an I Found It bumper sticker actually buys into the rich radio boob's message which seems to be "it's a contract and we can't start breaking contracts". Horsehockey! When the Republicans made a blatant attempt to bust an AAW union contract last fall, the rich radio boobs spread bullcrap about the average auto worker making $75 an hour. Where was the moralizing about a "contract" then? These guys, and you all know who they are, are pigs. Self aggrandizing porkers.

So you know what? If I have to pick a side here, I'd say "it's about time we had ourselves a hangin'!"

No Happy Ending Here!

Council Bluffs , Iowa is right across the Missouri River from us here in Puritan-aha. It seems that crime is so rare over there that the police department invents crime to create criminals on a regular basis. The cops hired a fake hooker, put an ad on Craigslist for "massages". and waited for men to show up at a hotel room. That is correct, they actually did this with taxpayer money. It worked. Some prominent men got caught being naughty and responding to the ad. School board president, a teacher, an Omaha fireman. I am not going to name them because I really don't give a damn what they do on their own time but if you really want to know them, read the nonpareilonline and get outraged.

The Omaha firefighter, also a city councilman in the Bluffs, is in big trouble. He lost his union gig, and the Omaha fire department apparently is so chock full of choirboys they want to fire him from his job. What this guy did to piss off his superiors is unknown but it must have been something really flaming hot and it had nothing to do with massages.


So now the firefighter is ratting out his comrades for drinking on duty and having "fire ho's" hanging around the station. Well heavens to betsy, this could get good.

Ok fine, going to hookers isn't really smart, especially good looking hookers because anybody with an IQ in double digits knows a hot hooker is a cop. But creating crime by planting fake ads on Craigslist? Come on, C B police, you have three casinos full of drinking, smoking, gambling morons you can harass. Get on the ball and solve real crimes.

Guinness Is Bog Water & Chocolate Syrup? I Knew It All The Time!

Happy St.Patrick's Day. Those of us who are Irish have nothing to prove. The rest of you can go get hammered. The other 364 days are ours!

16,000 Douchebags Walk Into An Arena!

Dane Cook is coming to town. If you have no idea who Dane Cook is, well, congrats on your ignorance or good fortune. Dane Cook is a comedian. allegedly. I know nobody over the age of 35 who thinks this guy is even remotely amusing and I know of no people under the age of 35 who don't think he's hilarious. In fact, I know of 20 somethings forking out $102 each to sit up close and pee their pants. $102? A comedian? Any comedian? $102? Is there a recession or not?

Anyway, this isn't a Dane Cook rant. I couldn't care less if you think he's funny. Funny is the most subjective thing on earth. But if Groucho Marx, George Carlin, Richard Pryor, and Lenny Bruce all popped back to life and went on tour, I wouldn't pay $102 to see them. Well yes I would but that is irrelevant. This is Dane Cook for chrissakes. I don't get it. Have I gotten old and unhip? Well of course I have but again, irrelevant. My Dane Cook rant is over.

Call 9-1-1, Omaha Is Being Assaulted By Aluminum Bat Yielding Thugs!

Once upon a time, there was a nice little event in a nice little city in a nice little baseball stadium that took place each June and attracted thousands of locals. It was the College World Series in Omaha. You got a free pass for being on Safety Patrol. You got free tickets on the back of hot dog packages. You could get a general admission pass for $10. The place was full of kids in the daytime and full of families at night. Then came television. Then came the NCAA. Then came more TV. Then came corporate america. Then came LSU fans. Then came aluminum bats and the whole damn thing was ruined.

But, like they love their Friday fish frys, Omaha loves their CWS. The NCAA puts out the slightest hint of moving it to another city and the town goes ape shiite. The NCAA demands a stadium expansion, they boot the vendors off the grounds, they demand more expansion, they demand the LSU fans get their RV's off grounds, they demand expansion again and the Omaha city "leaders" fall into line. It's like Omaha is a Republican congressman and the NCAA is Rush Limbaugh.

Now, the nice little baseball stadium is gonzo in 2 years. A brand new $250 million dollar (at least)stadium is being built downtown for the NCAA's pleasure. Yet, nobody bothered to ask the main tenants of that soon to be demolished stadium, the Omaha Royals, if they'd play in the new stadium. Oh they asked, half assed, and then set conditions no reasonable ballclub would agree to so the Omaha Royals asked the next door neighbor, Sarpy County, what they were doing for the next 25 years? Sarpy said why we are building you a $20 million dollar stadium and you can play there. The Omaha Royals said yes.

So now, the city of Omaha will soon have a new stadium for the NCAA masters and their corporate hacks to schmooze in. The taxpayers of Omaha will foot the bill, and the goddamned place will stand empty for 50 weeks a year. Brilliant move.

See you in Sarpy County.

Hey Where's Joe The Plumber?

It speaks for itself.

The Mushroom Risotto Is To Kill For!

What's the story here? Well, if you're a decent human being it's that the First Lady volunteered to sling food at a homeless shelter. If you're a Republican, it's that a guy patronizing a soup kitchen (it IS the depression isnt it?) has a cellphone. The side story may be that Jack Bauer in back of Michelle Obama looks ready to kick some homeless ass. Anyway, who knows this guy's story. He may not have a home, he may be just laid off, he may be down on his luck, he may be a guy who knew she was there and ran down to take a lousy cellphone picture. Who knows? But conservatives know. He's a bum, he's black, and he has a cellphone. I can hear them now. Right after they holler "where's my bailout?" and look like they've just said the cleverest thing ever, they then holler "where's my cellphone?" and hopefully realize how un-clever they really are.

So What If My Top Aide's Name Is Squeaky?

That is the face of Representative Steve King, a Republican congressman from across the Missouri River in Iowa. Rep. King is a nut. Period. Yet the people of southwest Iowa keep sending this bonehead back to Washington because his crazy eyes hypnotize them or something.

King has introduced a resolution declaring victory in Iraq, thanking George W Bush for winning the war, and putting anything that happens from now on in Obama's corner. Yeah, right.

King is a walking, talking gaffe machine, The only problem is King keeps saying these things over and over. Remember when King called Obama the candidate a "totalitarian dictator"? Oh yeah, how about when King stated to the nation that his wife was safer in walking the streets of Baghdad than in D.C. Oh and how about when King endorsed Fred Thompson. That was a knee slapper. How about when King said Al-Quada would dance in the streets if Obama won, even more so than after 9/11. How about when he called Joe McCarthy a "hero for America"? My personal favorite King-ism was when he somehow linked the closing of Gitmo with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed becoming a U.S. citizen.

Oh I know he's a worthless nobody from a dying part of a rural state but why oh why do these Iowans keep sending him back to compete with Michele Bachmann (R-Mn) for dumbest hammer in the box. Come on Iowa, look at those eyes. Next thing a guy with eyes like that does is carve a swastika into his forehead.

Twin Lefties Rule!

I thought about writing about that crazy speech made by Mr.Limbaugh to that lynch mob yesterday but after watching about 15 minutes of the narcissism and the posturing and the worship and the self loathing shown by that degenerate, I had to turn it off. It made me sad and not mad. So because of that, let's be positive today. Spring training is underway! There's 7 inches of snow on the ground, it's colder than CPAC's heart, but somewhere in Florida or Arizona, there is baseball going on. That warms my heart. Go Twins!