Fox Skews!!!

That's the Fox New electoral map for 2012. We all know the polls are all wrong, including their own, because all pollsters are gay, Muslim, chicks, gun haters and healthy eaters who are under the Obama spell put forth by Michelle Obama and her army of black panthers who will intimidate sweet little old white ladies by just existing somewhere within 50 miles of the sweet little old ladies polling place. Pfew....writing like Sarah Palin talks is hard, so stop it and get in the ring if you thinks its so easy!

The conservatives are getting so desperate, scared, panicky and nuts they have now come up with a new strategy. Just deny reality. You know, like they do on climate change and well, reality. So here are some more things Fox News has come up with that are facts that were skewed by liberal hippies with all that book learnin and shit.

1) The Germans really DID bomb Pearl Harbor

2) Fox News IS fair and balanced

3) You really DO tug on Superman's cape

4) Rhianna did NOT fall in a love in a hopeless place

5) Michael Corleone did NOT have Carlo killed

6) Despite Joe Scarborough's insistence, Jesus is NOT sweet, but very bitter

7) Paul Ryan is NOT Eddie Munster, he is Zoe Deschanel

8) Mitt Romney does NOT have two positions on every issue, he has three

9) Bill O'Reilly in fact does NOT like to "do it live" and the fuckin thing does NOT suck

10) Golden Tate DID catch that pass against the Packers

11) Clint Eastwood was NOT talking to an empty chair

12) Gretchen Carlson IS talking to two empty chairs

13) Inception & Lost ARE easily explained

14) Facts DO indeed have a liberal bias

15) Roger Ailes does NOT have a fetish for dumb blondes

16) Ann Romney DID work one day in her life

17) Scott Walker DOES support unions, as long as the union wears stripes

18) Mitt Romney did NOT avoid the Vietnam draft, he simple kept Charlie out of Paris very successfully

19) The Five is NOT 4 morons and a moderate punching bag, it's the panel from the Planet Kolob

20) and finally, Fox News is NOT a tool of the Republican party , but a very cleverly disguised tool of the Onion

Sweet Jesus!

Technical Knockout!

This is getting sad. I haven't seen this bad a beating since Steve King (Moron-Ia) took on linear thinking. Mittens Romney cannot possibly want to be President. No man throws a match like this without trying. Romney is the Republican Black Sox scandal in the making. There has to be a reason Mittens is not spending any of his own money on this debacle. Well for one, he doesn't have to. His billionaire puppet masters are footing that bill. The other reason has to be the fact that Mittens Romney doesn't want to be President. Stay with me here.

While Paul Ryan was squeaking his way through that lying sack of shit speech at the Republican convention and mentioned Romney's name, Mittens sat there with a look on his face that screamed, "I don't wanna do this!" What must it be like for Romney? A man without a principled bone in his body. A man who lives in the shadow of his father and mother, both of whom were admirable people. Mittens, pushed by his superiors to be somebody, to win win win at any cost. Mittens Romney, pushed by his never worked a day in her life wife, to be somebody he aint. A leader. Mittens Romney has bought everything he's ever had in life, whether it be a dying company he can rape of all its remaining assets, whether its a Governorship, whether it's a wife, and now the Presidency. But sorry, Mittens, this is beyond buying. You have to convince 50.1% of people you actually give a shit about anybody but yourself. It aint working. Oh there's the ignorant, the racists, the plutocrats, the self loathing, the fetus worshippers and the genetic Republicans. But that doesn't add up, Mittens, because you are so fucking unlikable. Your awkwardness, your social instability and your pathological lying are getting the better of you. Come on, Willard, you really don't want to win, do you?

Soon enough, Willard Mitt Romney will join the ranks of Bob Dole, Michael Dukakis, Adlai Stevenson, and well, Mitt Romney in the list of losers who tried not very hard to win the Presidency. And that's the problem, Mittens, you don't know what it's like to work hard for something. If you want to to know what it's like to bust your ass, ask that 47% of the people you loathe so much. They'll tell you. Right before they get the pleasure of kicking you in the balls on November 6th.

47 Percent Named!

Hey all I know about taxes is I gotta pay them. Key words. "Pay them". Yeah and I'm so sick of the 47% that don't pay any federal income taxes I could spit. I'm with Romney here. Those lazy deadbeats need to be taken to the woodshed and forced to take personal responsibility and contribute to society like we do! Mittens Romney will accept the tough job and force those 47% to fork some dough over. So get off his back cuz its hard. Ann Romney, who pays a lot of taxes, said so. We are so fortunate that a man like Mittens has stepped forward to make that 47% get off the dole and get a freakin' job, even though there aren't any.

I'm so angry with that 47% I am going to name names of some of those 47% to shame them into taking personal responsibility and pay some taxes.

Here are their names:

1) Mr. Bank of America - Mr. America paid nuthin! These deadbeats got all sorts of government welfare and then turned around and sent it to offshore bank accounts like in the Caymans or Switzerland, something Mittens Romney would never ever do cuz he's a real American.

2) Mr.Boeing- Boeing got a whole lot of welfare from the government and then sent that offshore , presumably on the same plane as Mr.B O America's welfare , and they too paid not one copper cent. Mittens Romney is going to force you to check some baggage and pay up!

3) Ms. Citi Bank-- More federal welfare came their way (how DO they do it?) and they sent it off to Hong Kong. Hey aint Hong Kong in China? Ms. C. Bank, you are truly traitors and Mitt Romney is gonna get you!

4)Mr. Exxon Mobil--The government sent them a whole bunch of welfare, errrrr, subsidies, and Mr. E Mobil paid no taxes because they sent it off to the Caymans also. You clowns don't know Mitt Romney knows the Caymans like the back of his bronzed hand. He'll find you!

5) Mrs. Merck-- this drug dealing lady deals drugs! They paid no taxes either. It's about time to pay the pusher, Mrs.Merck! Mittens Romney does not like drug dealers and he will find you too!

6)Mr. Verizon- now this guy has balls. Not only did Mr.Verizon pay no taxes, he got a refund from the federal government of around a billion dollars. Kind of makes my $400 refund sort of meaningless. Mittens Romney will put a stop to that, Mr.Verizon!

7) Mrs. Wells Fargo- this woman got tons and tons of welfare and used the welfare to have a kid named Wacovia (typical weird welfare name) and pay no taxes. Mittens Romney will not only make you pay taxes, Mizzzzzzzzz Fargo, he will sell you condoms so you don't have any more kids!

8) Sir News Corp-- this guy sounds ridiculously foreign. Sir? Sounds Aussie or something. Sir News Corp is pretty foxy about not paying taxes. Hides all there ill gotten gains offshore also. Mittens Romney will sic his pit bulls, Bill and Sean, on you and make you pay taxes!

9)General Electric- ok ok a man serving the country like the good General may deserve a tax break, but Mittens Romney will make him pay a bit, dontcha think?

There, those are some of the 47% . I just had to name names. I am so sick of paying more federal taxes than these lazy assholes!

So you see, Mitt Romney was right. The people listed above are truly leeches, moochers, and takers. They need to be stopped and I'm sure Mittens is just the man to do it! But like Ann of Green Gables said, its so hard! Poor Mittens!

Another Nail In The Coffin!

This is what it's come to? Crazy Caucasians hanging empty chairs from trees? There's some sort of deep seeded psychological meaning to these people's actions I am sure, but this isn't clever, funny, nor even legal. The Secret Service will be visiting these assholes and then the oppressed white male christian straight dumbshit will cry about the big bad government trampling on his right to free expression of his neanderthal views. Sean Hannity will rise to his defense, Bill O'Reilly will wave it off as another prank from Dick Pinch of Cedar Rapids, and Rush will just wonder why he's a fat slob hiding in a bunker talking to another empty chair he named Snerdly.

Really? Eastwooding? This is what it's called? Hanging an empty chair from a tree because you really wish you could go back to the good old days of higher taxes and lynching Negroes? Hey, idiots, I really think Clint Eastwood was punking that stiff you are going to vote for. He took all the attention away from whoever that nominee was by acting like Abe Simpson. Come on, Dirty Harry knew what he as doing. He was killing Mitt Romney's chances. I am convinced of it.

Clint Eastwood at age 82 could kick all of your asses. Now you have to ask yourself a question, is my IQ 6 or 7?

Stay stupid my friends.

Is Romney More Like Thurston Howell III or Gilligan?

Is this Republican asshole trying to lose? Is Duke Mittens of Mormonsky so out of his league he's blowing it on purpose? Does he really even want to be President? Is he like Dubya, so desperate to please his father, he's biting off more than he can chew?

Now we all know this elitist prick believes everything we think he believes. That half of America are "takers" and the other half are "makers". That he, Prince Willard of Footinmouthville, is well above the unwashed masses and should be given the Presidency as a birthright. That his spouse, Ann, The Princess of Tuna Township, deserves her elevation to First Lady as a matter of protocol. That the so called 47% who pay no income taxes are moochers and leeches who force him to foot the bill for their lavish lifestyle. That is, IF he pays any fucking income taxes himself.

You know that 47%? The elderly, the working poor, the guy who got his leg blown off in Iraq, the working poor, more working poor, and of course, Mittens Fucking Romney and his millionaire tax cheats. Look, this 47% bullshit has been around for years. Oh it may technically accurate, that 47% pay no federal income taxes but trust me, the 47% pay FAR more in taxes as a percentage of their meager income than King Mitt and Queen Ann ever thought of paying. State tax, sales tax, property tax, gas tax,phone tax, city tax, this tax and that tax. You know, the kind of taxes that jackoffs like Romney and his buddies don't even concern themselves with. But of course, to Romney and his "donors",as long as they portray that 47% as a group of tap dancing, shiftless unemployed blood suckers they keep the Republican base of hateful bigots up in arms.

Now it's a well know fact that the vast majority of the "47%" live in red states. You know, Red States, those places that regularly vote Republican, holler about the welfare cheats, hate the gays, hate the "urban" areas, and suck up more federal tax money than any of the blue states ever thought of? You know those places? They are called Romney's base voter. Thrown the curve ball of Jesus, racism, guns and the blame game, they vote Republican everytime as the same people they love pick their pockets clean. It really is amazing.

Mitt Romney really does believe this shit. That $350K for speaking fees is not a lot of money. That Swiss bank accounts are patriotic because they are "legal". That paying not one cent more in taxes than he is legally responsible for is perfectly moral. That knowing Nascar "owners" somehow makes him a regular guy. That Ann Romney driving a "couple of Cadillacs " makes him a supporter of the American car industry. That firing people is a pleasure. That he really does not have to be concerned about the very poor. That his being "unemployed" makes him understand the unemployed. That corporations are people my friend. That "middle class" means making $250K a year. That making a $10K bet with an opponent is like me putting 2 across the board on the 6 horse. And hanging with kooks like Steve King is not batshit insanity.

Let us all hope that Mittens Romney has finally closed the coffin lid on his candidacy. And if we are smart, we pound the nails in fast before that vampire Paul Ryan realizes what happened.

Values Smalues!

What a weekend. I went to Kansas and Missouri and saw a football game and baseball game all in the period of 8 hours. Kansas is a bad football team and lost, the KC Royals knocked off the Angels with a home run in the bottom of the ninth and made all the transplanted Californians around me all mad which made me just wonder who the hell moves from California to effing Missouri? I don't care for Missouri fan, who for some reason bellows "Zooooooo" when they cheer for whatever it is they cheer for. Guess it's easier to spell. Anyway, the difference between Kansas and Missouri is really nothing, but at least in Lawrence, Kansas I saw Obama stickers on numerous cars while in "Zoooooooo" I actually saw some asshole with a Todd Akin sticker on his SUV. And a "We love Chik Fil A" sticker on one of those mini vans where the guy sticks little stick figures of himself, his wife, their two adorable children and the dog on the back window to divert attention away from his nighttime "business trips" to downtown KC hookers. You know that guy, right?

It was a nice trip away with Max and we were able to avoid politics for a day or two until that Todd Akin asshole pulled in front of me getting out of the baseball stadium. So I missed the coverage of the Values Voters Summit where Republican phonies of all types go and suck up to the Jesus lovers who hate the kind of folks JC hung with types. The Values Voter? You mean, bigots of all types? The well dressed bigots as opposed to the sleeveless white trash bigots who gathered in Tennessee the same weekend to listen to David Duke and holler Zooooooooooo? Those Values Voters? I see.

Don't really see the difference in looking at the Values Voters lineup? Me either. I don't even need to hear the eye rolling bullshit puked onto these Christers to comment. In alphabetical order we had:

1)Michele Bachmann (Loon-Mn)- what can you say about Michele that hasn't been said? I'm sure Marcus had fun. The pickings at this repressed event must be fabulous!

2)Gary Bauer (Peter Lorre-Va)- Bauer hasn't been the same since he tumbled off that stage flipping pancakes years ago when he ,huhhhhhhhhhh, ran for President???

3) Bill Bennett (15? hit me-DC)- are there casinos and buffets nearby? Has to be, it's in his contract rider.

4) Glenn Beck---who?

5) Eric Cantor (Backstabber-Va)-- hey values voter? You know he's one of "them" dontcha?

6) Jeff Fortenberry (Nobody-Ne)- I just had to throw him in to show what complete zeros my state sends to Congress.

7) Laura Ingraham (Kazoo voice-NH)- Who can listen to this nasally witch? My god, the black eyebrows are distracting enough, but that alarm clock voice is too much.

8) Steve King (Are you kidding me?-Ia) Steve King is a fucking nut. You know it, I know it, he knows it. His constituents don't.

9)Oliver North (Felon-Va)- Oh Ollie, are you still around? You'd think a guy like you, one of those got off on a technicality felons, wouldn't be popular with values voters who think12) everybody charged with a felony is guilty. But hey, you're white, a military veteran, a smooth talking huckster and you are one of Sean Hannity's reach around buddies.

10) Star Parker (Ex Slut-DC)- finally one of the "good ones" as value voters refer to black folk. Star Parker is an ex slut and calls Sandra Fluke a right now slut. She also believes gay marriage leads to lousy public schools. Don't ask.

11) Rand Paul and Paul Ryan (Ayn Randers-USA)- Two soon to be obscure blips on the radar. Their stories about jacking it to Atlas Shrugged must be captivating.

12) Kamal Saleem (Ex Terrorist-Va)- I did hear about this fraud and his speech. Claiming to be an ex terrorist and all around jihadist, he found Jeeeeeee-zus and is now converted to Values. Nah, Kaleem, you worked for Pat Robertson for years and have a funny name like a certain other guy values voters hate. You certainly are not an ex terorist. You just terror for a different icon you can fleece people with.

13) Rick Santorum (Really Dumb-Pa)- Rick just doesnt know when to shut up. He claimed "smart people" will never be on "our side". Well duhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Gotta love the Rickster's honesty

14) Tim Wildmon (Nepotism-Ms) Tim is the "president" of the American Family Association. You know, that group of kooks who are so utterly repressed and so deep in the closet that they actually blamed the Holocaust on the "fact" that Hitler and the storm troopers were all gay. And he's the son of Donald Wildmon so he stayed in the family hate business.

15) Bob Woodson (Good one-DC)- Bob is one of those black men who hangs with conservatives and gets federal funds to "train" poverty stricken youth to love Jesus and get a job that doesn't exist while denouncing federal funds going to anybody else. You know, like every other values voter.

And finally, out of alphabetical order is Kansas Representative Tim Huelskamp. I don't know anything about this back benching nobody but he somehow believes that Planned Parenthood is racist and well he said:

"I am the adoptive father of four children, each of them either Black, Hispanic, Native American, and I am incensed that this President pays money to an entity that was created for the sole purpose of killing children that look like mine, a racist organization and it continues to target minorities for abortion destruction. Shame on this President and shame on that party."

OK Tim calm down. The "sole purpose of killing children that look like mine"? Good for you for adopting those kids. I just hope they are not female because with people like you, and the values voters, they will never achieve their potential. And oh yeah, Tim, even though you are from Kansas, "Zooooooooooooooooooo"..

Lying Is Ok In The Book Of Mormon, I Guess!

So much for that jobs jobs jobs shit. The economy. Yeah right! That all failed so Romney and his right wing talk show and news network surrogates have gone back to basics. Just start lying. And lie about stuff that scares the shiite out of America's dumber class of folks. Like those Mooslims. You know, like Obama the Muslin furriner who openly kills Muslins so you get all complacent and then he lets em all in the back door and the next thing you know your local 7-11 is crawling with them.

The conservative media ,along with their profiteering chickenshit cohorts in the "lame stream" media are pushing the lies that are being told about this whole Islamic rioting deal that makes soulless pricks like Mittens Romney and his pet rat Paulie so happy. You know, the lie about Obama knowing about the coming ransacking of the Libyan consulate and subsequent murder of the ambassador. Fueled by Murdoch's British trash tabloids and by closet case Matt Drudge along with Sean Hannity and the rest of the liars of the right, the lie is a sign of desperation. But they keep coming. Like a raging monkey, these Hannitys and Drudges throw all their shit at you hoping some of it will stick and some of it will. No, there are no "Osama Attacking US on 9/11 by flying in planes in Twin Towers" type memos out there, though I'm sure Sheriff Joe is at Kinkos right now.

So the lies told by this Mormon phony and his Ayn Randian college boyfriend will keep coming. Obama apologized to Egypt. Obama thanked the Libyans for killing Chris Stevens. Obama cowered under the Oval Office desk. You know, same old shit all going back to the "hey the guy has a funny name and he's kind of dark and he talks in big words and his wife hates America and he was born on Mars and he's Muslim and hates white people".

The worst thing about this is the complicity of the regular media. More content with making millions on political ads than telling the truth, these assholes have more than a rooting interest in keeping this race close. More revenue means job security for total tools like Erin Burnett, or Wolf Blitzer. Much like defense contractors and the Haliburtons, these greedheads thrive on crisis. It's their job. So fuck them too.

I hate going all Nazi on these Republican liars by comparing them to Joe Goebbels so I won't. To paraphrase Fox News, "But some people say........."