Watch Your Back, Broadway Joe!

For chrissakes, now Paul Splittorf has died of cancer at age 64? I loved watching him pitch back in the 1970's. I wasn't much of a Royals fan, unless they were losing to the Yankees, but I did love seeing this crafty lefthander who wore glasses like me. It made us blind guys think there was hope. Not much, but a little. RIP Splitt! Say hi to Harmon.

The Killer!

I had two sports heroes as a kid. Only two. One was Joe Willie Namath, a carousing, loud, look at me, heavy drinking playboy (love that 60's word, kids?). The other was a quiet, humble strongman. Harmon Killebrew. I loved, love, Harmon Killebrew. I remember my Dad and Uncle Dick taking me to games at the Met, and whenever the Twins came to Kansas City to play the A's and later the Royals. My only goal was to see Harmon Killebrew hit a home run. It never happened. The best I could come up with was the Killer blasting a Lee Stange fastball off the left field fence at the Met back in 1967 and lumbering into second with a double. Hey, but in retrospect, that was ok. I saw Harmon Killebrew play ball on numerous occasions.

Harmon, the Killer, the Fat Kid, Brew, the guy who I once heard a fan behind me in Kansas City say, "Killebrew's on deck, squeezing his bat into sawdust" announced on Friday he was entering hospice care and giving up any treatment for his esophageal cancer. Goddamn. How can he die? He's only 74. He's the freaking epitome' of what kids should look up to as a sports hero. And he's dying of a horrific disease. Meanwhile, these pricks who make up today's sports leagues carry on with their self indulgent, egomaniacal, shitty behavior and get rewarded for it. Life sucks sometimes. It makes me wonder.

Who doesn't love Harmon Killebrew? I remember arguing with friends about his Hall Of Fame credentials. They thought he was Dave Kingman, I though he was the second coming of Babe Ruth. I won. He got in to the Hall easily. He gave a humbling speech in which he thanked one of his sons, who had gone down a bad path. Who does that? He does.

Two thing caused me to drift from the Minnesota Twins in the 70's and the 80's. One was that Dome as I have said. But the other was my refusal to forgive Cal Griffith for shipping Harmon Killebrew off to Kansas City to play the last year of his career as a DH. I even drove to KC twice that summer to hopefully fulfill my goal of seeing him hit a smashing home run. But The Killer was 40, and slower than ever, and a shell of his former self. He grounded out everytime I saw him hit in that last season in KC as a Royal. Why, Cal? Why would you do that to your greatest player? The Royals were good, you sucked. Would he have really hurt you stagger to a worse than 76-83 record that year? He retired after that season, as a Royal? Good god. That's blasphemy, Cal.

Now we will all say goodbye to Harmon Killebrew. The best Twin ever. In all ways. Maybe the best ball player ever, in some ways. When The Brew gets to wherever it is we go after death, I hope Calvin Griffith says sorry. But knowing Harmon, he would say no need, Cal. You did what you thought best. Harmon is like that.

My Dad had this cancer. It 'aint fun not being able to swallow. It's painful. Hospice is the end. Both of my parents were in hospice before they passed. The saints who work there will make the end comfortable for the Killer. And judging from what I know about this great hero of mine, he will make it comfortable for them. I'm going to go cry now.

What Are You Lookin' At?

You wanna fuck with this guy? Good luck Republicans.

Birthers Are All Fired!

Here's what the government provided scooter ridin' pudgepops are thinkin' about that socialist Kenyan colored guy's birth dealie.

Is That Why They Call it Skunkweed?

Even more "hip" than listening to Arcade Fire is asking who the fuck IS Arcade Fire? Yeah yeah, the Gaga crowd and the Kings of Leon crowd went all bonkers when Arcade Fire won the Grammy for Best Album a couple of months ago, but for some of us, it was perhaps the best Grammy ever.

I first heard of Arcade Fire back in 2004 when I happened upon a video showing a group of youngsters walking through a town playing a guitar, beating on drums, and playing violins. I stuck with the 6 minute video just to see where the hell these people would end up. That was the video for Rebellion, a song from Arcade Fire's first album, Funeral. I loved it. It was unique, quirky, and just weird enough for me to want more.

In September of 2007, after the release of Neon Bible, their 2nd album, Max and Max's Dad drove to Kansas City to see them at the Starlight Theater, a really cool outdoor venue. The place was about half full tnat night. Max was a wee lad of 10 and I was a big lad of 50 or so. I loved it, Max thought it to be too loud. Who's the kid here?

Last Wednesday, fresh off their Grammy win, this Canadian band was back at the Starlight and this time, it was packed with "hipsters", including the 14 year old Max and still 50 or so Max's Dad. Migawd this band is cool. This band is up there with U2 in its devoted fans. You never ever know what you're going to get when the 8 member band gets going. Hey, she's playing the accordion, now she's playing drums, now the pipe organ. He's playing guitar, now he's beating on a snare drum, now he's shouting into a megaphone. She's playing violin, now she's on keyboards, now she's blowing some sort of horn. It is crazy up there. And this old Beatles,Doors,CCR,Who fan loves it.

Arcade Fire is the freshest new band out there. It's such a unique experience to see them. And their fans drink, oh do they drink. And smoke weed. Just ask 14 year old Max. His first pot smell occurred during Read To Start, AF's second song. His reaction? "Will I get high from smelling that?" Only if you're lucky, kid. His second reaction? "If I get drug tested, will I get caught?"...Yeah yeah, Max is a bit uptight, but we love him.

Some Of My Best Friends....!

No, the Tea Party isn't full of racist jerk offs. No way. The above knee slapping picture was sent by a member of the Orange County, California (shock!) Republican Party SS Committee to her fellow 19th century humor enthusiasts.

I won't mention her name because she's old and stupid and I feel sorry for old, stupid people. Unlike her probable hero, Paul Ryan. More on that shitstain some other time.

Anyway, to reiterate. Teabaggers are not racists. They are just old and stupid.

Trump's Tower Of Babble!

Donald T Rump is an amusing fellow. At least when I'm watching the Celebrity Apprentice so I can actually believe there is a human being more self absorbed than Sarah Whatshername, he amuses me with his fragile ego and bully boy demeanor. But he's becoming less amusing by the day as he fleeces dumbass teabaggers into becoming even more paranoid and delusional.

Trump is no dummy, though somehow going bankrupt while running casinos and owning Manhattan real estate is making me doubt what I just wrote. But this birther bull he's riding? Why, Donnie boy? What can this possibly get you? You are not running for President. You are not picking on Rosie O'Donnell. You aren't really even firing "celebrities" (who the fuck is NeNe Leakes?).

Year ago I regularly read a magazine called Spy. In it they constantly referred to Trump as a "short fingered vulgarian". The greatest description of a douche nozzle like Trump ever. Because it's true.

Trump is just another carnival barker in a long list of charlatans that "run" for President every four years. He's getting attention from the dildos that make up TV news. He's plugging his little fake business show (I still want one fired "celebrity" to leap the boardroom table and grab that bale of hay off Trump's head). He's feeding his massive ego. And he gets to sit next to Ivanka, the daughter he said he'd be "dating" if she wasn't his daughter. Right up the birther crowd's alley.

President Obama is a smart man. Just let tiny mouthed narcissists like Trump keep talking. It only helps the re-election train pick up speed. I disagree with Bill Cosby who told Trump to shut up. Keep flapping those non existent lips, Mr.Trump. It only helps the President. His re-election margin is going to be "YOUUUUUUUU-GE".