Bees! Bees! They're Sting Crazy!

All over I hear Americans, who proclaim their disdain for all things soccer, whining about the buzzing sound heard at every World Cup game. The vuvuzelahs, aka air horns, those plastic horns everybody had in the 1970's, are prevalent in South Africa and they blow them constantly. It sounds like a billion locusts are attacking the Earth. Michele Bachmann must be so frustrated the rapture hasn't taken place even though the locusts are here.

Oh come on, stop complaining. If Americans were allowed to take air horns into stadiums, we'd hear the same thing (though Americans would probably use the kind where you don't have to do anything like exert yourself to make noise). If Nebraska's Memorial Stadium allowed you to take anything in other than those stupid cornheads, we'd see blue hairs dropping like soccer floppers trying to keep up with the buzzing noise. I think a lot of this has to do with jealousy. American stadiums have become libraries as the population ages. Shhhhhhh, I can't hear. Down in front! Hey kids, could ya stop that hey batta batta stuff!

I have learned to like the pleasant buzzing of soccer fans in South Africa. It's like white noise machines. It is relaxing as I fall asleep during a 0-0 Honduras-Chile battle.

Ku Klux King!

Wow, that's a whole lotta crazy goin' on there. But just when you are ready to crown Michele Bachmann with the tin foil crown, back comes Steve King with a late rally. King is a nut, look at his Jesus-filled crazy eyes, and he keeps getting re-elected in a Congressional district right across the Missouri River from me. In fact, some of his district lies on my side of the river in a tiny section of Iowa that refuses to admit they are really Nebraska. In fact, for years the district was represented by a liberal Democrat who was highly popular. He retired, and they put some wacky juice in the water and along came King.

In case you haven't heard King's latest head up ass quote, it goes something like this. "The president has demonstrated he has a default mechanism that breaks down on the side of race-on the side that favors the black person". You know, the black person? That person with double and triple the unemployment rate of the rest of King's paleface constituency. The black person? That person with 1 out of 44 Presidential representation. Or maybe 1/2 of 44. Somewhere between 1 and 2 percent for you people who don't like numbers unless it's up on a Powerball billboard.

King did say this on G.Gordon Liddy's radio show. WTF? Liddy is still alive? And he has a radio show? For chrissakes, I thought for sure by now Liddy would be plotting with Nixon, Haldeman and Ehrlichman to bug Satan's I Phone. But apparently being a rat eating psychotic with a Just For Men mustache makes you immortal or something.

A default mechanism? Does King think Obama is a real robot? I know he acts like one sometimes but wigga please, Bill Clinton is blacker than Barack Obama ever thought of being.

Please Iowa, send this construction worker lunkhead back to Kiron where he can open a small motel and scare children with his tied up jackal dogs and nightly incantations. For now at least, the stunning Steve King has the tin foil crown Bachmann so covets. Whoda ever thought the Midwest could produce two such home school role models as these? We are such practical people out here. As long as the President is white, Republican and slightly retarded.

Who Lives In An Oil Spill Under The Sea?

Hold Me Closer Tiny Rushbo!

Get off Elton John's back for whoring himself out for a million bucks and playing Rush Limbaugh's fourth wedding. Guests included Karl Rove, Clarence Thomas, Sean Hannity,Rudy Guiliani, Tom Watson,George Brett, and James Carville and Mary Matalin. Come on now, what self respecting gay man could resist that hunka hunka burnin' man-flesh?

No report on the rumors Rush made his bride dress like a 7 year old Dominican boy on the wedding night.

Carter's Little Pills!

Thirty years ago, Jimmy Carter looked at the folks watching him on television and said, " Too many of us now tend to worship self-indulgence and consumption. Human identity is no longer defined by what one does, but by what one owns." President Carter told Americans they had a "crisis of confidence" and because of "fragmentation and self interest" we were preventing ourselves from facing the coming energy crisis. Carter told Americans "every act of energy conservation is more than common sense, it's an act of patriotism".

That speech, commonly referred to as the "malaise" speech, has been reworked by conservatives interested in distorting history to be the antithesis to Ronald Reagan's dopey optimism and gasbag patriotism. Carter's speech back in 1979 was a winner at the time. Americans agreed the country was becoming a land of self centered slobs. But due to sloppy followups and the Iran hostage crisis, in which Cronkite told us every goddamned day how many days those people had been held, Reagan's vapid sense of delusion took over. The rest is unfortunate history.

Had we listened to Jimmy Carter's warnings back in 1979, we wouldn't be a slave to giant oil overseers like BP, Shell, Exxon and the rest of them. We'd be further along in getting rid of the 19th century technology known as the internal combustion engine. Coal and oil? Are we serious? This is the future? Meanwhile, coal miners and oil rig workers continue to be murdered by profit gulping energy conglomerates unconcerned with safety and very concerned with growth rates and dividends.

We now are finally witnessing this oil gusher's path of environmental destruction. I challenge anyone to see oil engulfed birds and mammals and not be moved. This is an absolute crime. Not only the crime of negligent homicide, but of crimes against humanity. The Hague needs the crank up its court docket. Right after Bush and Cheney, admitted war criminals as of this week, the BP, Trans Ocean, and Haliburton executives needs to be dragged back there for justice.

To close, let's just say President Carter was right. He still may not be the best President who ever lived, but being right once is one more time than you can say about his successor, his successor, and that successor's stupid son.

Thanks And No Thanks!

Thanks to the men and women who have died in the nation's wars. No thanks to the politicians and war profiteers who put them in that position.

Happy Memorial Day!

Bye Planet!

All right, I've had it rooting for giant, irresponsible corporations to succeed at something. Well, let me rephrase that. I still hope those criminals at BP succeed in stopping this diarreah of the sea.I just hope when, or if, this gushing of toxins and death ever stops,these wankers are held accountable.

Mr.Cool, President Obama, needs to drop this "I got this, chill the hell out" persona and start getting pissed. I mean "enraged", like he said Saturday. I don't see the rage, but who knows. I'm enraged at this nightmare and the only oil spill I have to deal with is on my garage floor.

Hey, now that the top kill has failed, what now? More golf balls? Tires? Is the Sham Wow dude available for ideas?

In the meantime, as BP executives continue to do the Hugh Grant impression and charm their way out of the worst environmental fuckup since Chernobyl, let's play Did You Know?

1) 11 human beings lost their lives because of this quest for profit. That's a homicide. Does anybody remember that?

2)British Petroleum, in a pseudo plan to clean up a theoretical oil spill in the Gulf Of Mexico, listed "walruses" as a "sensitive biological resource". Hey, BP , as any fifth grader can tell you, walruses live up in the Arctic. Guess you're not smarter than a fifth grader.

3)When the Exxon Valdez sprung a leak up in Alaskan waters, only 14% of the spilt oil was ever recovered.14%. So times that by 50 or 60 or who knows, this spill, errr, volcano of crap, is 86% there forever. That's a good 40 to 50 millions barrels of oil splashing around out there for-freaking-ever.Enjoy your shrimp while you can.

4)The Minerals Management Service, a division of the Interior Department, in a Gulf Coast office, had employees attending sporting events paid for by oil companies, snorted coke and meth, watched a lot of downloaded porn (hello SEC), and falsified safety reports. Nice. Interior Secretary Ken Salazar needs to go bye-bye. Stop catering to these Republicans with these nominees for anything, Mr.President. And get more pissed.

5)Can you imagine what happens when hurricane season kicks in? Winds blowing water is bad enough. Winds blowing poisonous water? Those people are screwed.

6)Transocean, the owner of the rig, you know, that company that moved to Switzerland to avoid paying American taxes, has made a profit off this bad dream. They insured the Deepwater Horizon for twice its value and has made a cool $270 million profit off this crime. Where's the outrage at these ghouls?

7)Survivors of the explosion on the rig, were placed into solitary confinement and offered $5000 each to shut the eff up and say nothing. Who signs that kind of deal? Oh I don't know, people who have been tortured like John McCain might sign something like that. People who came this close to being killed might. Who are these BP freaks?

8)The Obama Administration, since the gusher in the Gulf started, has approved 17 more deep water drilling permits, most for deep water drilling. Are Bush and Cheney still in office or did we vote for change? I guess we got lots of change, the kind of "change" you can deposit into your campaign coffers.

9)The "acoustic trigger", a device which shuts off the oil when manual efforts fail, was removed as a proposed regulation in 2003 by the Bushies because they cost the oil cartel too much. About $500,000. How's that lookin' now, Daniel Plainviews of the world.

10)BP head hack Tony Hayward had better be happy he didn't do this to China. Those folks would take him out back and put a bullet in his curly mop and then bill BP for the bullet. We aren't so inclined. In fact, there are actually United States Senators trying to keep BP from having to pay over the $75 million dollar damage cap. Yep, there are actually Republican politicians in this country doing BP's dirty work by blocking BP's liability from being raised. Unforgivable.

I can't go on. I'm getting more outraged by the minute. Too bad I have no power to do anything other than vent on a blog. The guy who has the power needs to stop being too cool for the room. Maybe Michelle can take the point on this one.