Hello Oslo?

Hey hey there, see what that socialist Kenyan Nazi foreigner gay Obama is causing? Told ya so! Now all those blacks think they can talk and shit. And look how angry they are! Migawd, you'd think they didn't have every advantage in the world that of course they have since the most discriminated people on earth are white christian breeders. What do they want for chrissakes? More money? More respect? For the love of Frederick Douglass, they oughta just be gawdammed glad they don't work for free any longer and remember they never thanked the whites for the free boat ride here. Ungrateful asshats!

For a long time now, the job creating Americans have offered up work to anybody who wants a job, except maybe 7.2% or so, and what the hell is the response? Demonstrations! Bitching! Griping! Come on now, when the Wal Mart or the McDonalds or any other low wage, oops, minimum wage, oops, "fair" wage companies actually have gone the extra mile here and offered up help for their happy workers to get food stamps or welfare or ADC or WIC or any other government program designed to suck the hard working CEO's dry. Yep, here's the number to get food stamps, now shut the fuck up! Hey, did we send the company contribution to the patriotic Republicans who want to end food stamps cuz all these employees are leeches?

Ok, to be serious again here (gawd I hate being serious), these companies make billions in profits every three months. Wal Mart made a "surprisingly low" profit of $4.7 billion in the second quarter of 2013. McDonalds, patient zero in the obesity epidemic, made a $ 1.5 Billion profit in the 3rd quarter of 2013. Part of this is that they pay their average employee like they live in fucking China or something. Christ, go pound your clothes on a rock and eat off the dollar menu and for the love of Randall Terry, stop breeding cuz if you get all pregnant you will be forced to worship The Fetus and then your $8 an hour won't go as far. Gawd you people are so irresponsible.

The facts are facts. The fact (bahhhhh, facts!!) is that the low wage companies, the Wal Marts, the McDonalds, The Yum Foods, the Subways, the Burger Kings cost the taxpayers $7 billion a year in government assistance. Seems their precious employees can't even afford to live. Do they care? Fuck no! Instead they get $20K a year Republicans to hate their own employees. Leeches, blood suckers, the 47%. It's going to explode at some point. I just saw a local production of Les Miserables and dammit, I was ready to build the barricades myself. Unfortunately, most of the people sitting with me in the auditorium wildly applauding would probably call Americans building barricades a bunch of hippie losers. As John Lennon said, most were just jangling their jewelry.

Hey I'm no Alan Greenspan, or Rand Paul or any other economic genius, but it seems to me it's the working poor who shop at Wal Mart, and load up on the dollar McDoubles at McDonalds. Uhhh, I don't want to speak out of ignorance here, like certain grads of the Wharton Business School do, but wouldn't it be advantageous for the low wage, oops, minimum wage, oops again, ah fuck it, the slave wage payers to raise the pay of their employees, take the hit to the $4.7 billion in profits, like reducing it to $4.699 billion, and sit back and wait for the newly "rich" to storm the store and buy stuff they currently can't buy? Call me crazy, or a commie, but it makes sense to me.

I guess I'm so economically ignorant, that people like Michele Bachmann (Gabe-Mn)and the state of Arizona led by Jan Brewer (Lizard-Az) want to do away with the minimum wage and it sounds insane to me. Bachmann says unemployment would go down to zero, you know, like back in the good old days before 1865. Arizona says reducing the minimum wage to $5 an hour for people under 22 would cause unicorns to fly from the clouds. Yeah! I see teenagers getting that special dollar a gallon gas all the time. Why do the need a minimum wage???

So there ya go. Either pay people more so they can shop at your store and buy more stuff thus increasing your already obscene profits OR pay them less and at least everybody will have a job! Uh, I'm going with solution #1.

Now where do I pick up my Nobel Prize for Common Sense?