Friday, October 31, 2008

Trig Or Treat!

How pathetic! Poor little Trig Palin is now being used as a prop elephant at some Palin Nuremberg Rally. I guess poor Bristol needs an even bulkier Trig to cover up her Levi spawned hockey child. Maybe when little Trig gets bigger, Uncle Levi can dress him up like a hockey goalie and take a few slapshots at him. That is, unless Mommy gets her can sent back to Alaska and Levi can cut the cord. I hear Levi is making calls at Obama HQ pleading for his life.

4 days to go.

Trick Or Treat!

Last week . while Nebraska struggled against the worst team in the Big 12 South (or the 7th best team in the Big 12), Texas Tech was dismantling Kansas in a performance witnessed by Max's Dad and Max in Lawrence, Kansas. Tech, perhaps because the above pictured 6 foot 7 ,360 lb Brandon Carter is one scary man, destroyed last year's Cinderella team. Texas Tech looked unbeatable.

Last week, Oklahoma covered against K-State moving our record to 7-2. This week is a big decision. Texas Tech is a 4 point dog to Texas. Nebraska is a 22 point dog at Oklahoma. Hmmmmm. What the hell, take Nebraska and the 22 points. Go Tech!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Joe The Country Singer Can Mosey Along Anytime Now!

The dumbing down of the American public continues as John McBush keeps on hanging with this bonehead Ohioan named Joe. For chrissakes, John, get ahold of yourself. Can't you feel your IQ plunging by the day? Between the stupid Minnesotans who think Barack is an Arab, the pussbag Wisconsinites who are scared of Barack, 150 lbs ringing wet, and that moose eating Alaskan you've been hangin' with, your dignity is fast leaving you.

By the way, the headline from the Onion is from 1993. Holy Nostradamus!

Five days to go. Please, John, go out with class. Jettison that so-called plumber, break up with that Alaskan GILF, stop reverting back to the 1950's, and tell Sean Hannity to kiss your ass. You may even win if you do that. Win back your self respect at least.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Well At Least Nebraska's Safe, Maybe!

6 Days to go and even the leather skinned folks in Arizona are jumping off the McCain Covered Wagon. The Arizona Republic shows McSame is up 2 points and Barack Obama Show, with special guest Bill Clinton, hasn't even aired yet (Tonight at 7 Central). Jesus, between his fighting with Obama, his fighting with his dingbat running mate, his fighting with his 72 year old broken down body, his fighting with Bush, and Cindy's immense beer holdings being wiped out, I almost feel sorry for the poor bastard.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Alaskans For Obama!

One week to go and even Ted Stevens' girlfriend has jumped ship. Nice scarf. Did you get that at Neiman's or off Obama's website?

Friday, October 24, 2008

Mirror Mirror On The Wall!

The absolute outrage over Rep. Jack Murtha's assertion that Western Pennsylvania is full of racists and rednecks. Preposterous!

20 year old Ashley_Todd_ of Texas, a McCain volunteer, asserted that while getting money at an ATM in Pittsburgh, a city in Western Pennsylvania, a big, black man attacked her, saw the McCain sticker on her car, and came back to carve a B in her grill to "teach her a lesson". Ashley of Texas didn't bother calling police for about 45 minutes after the incident in Western Pennsylvania.

Now, the Western Pennsylvania Police aren't stupid. Ashley of Texas had a backwards B barely carved into her mug, kind of like what a really stupid criminal would do looking into a mirror. Ashley, mirrors reflect backwards. D'OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! Karl Rove has officially flunked you out of Dirty Tricks University.

Jesus, how freaking desperate are these nuts getting? Now they're going all Susan Smith on the country. Get this over with.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

He's Too Heavy, He's My Kid!

Sometime last year, one of those young girls, so frightened by their religious upbringing, so frightened by what their parents would say or do, hid her pregnancy for 9 months, had the baby in a bathroom, and dropped the newborn off in laundry basket at a local hospital. In 49 states, this desperate action could have been avoided because they all have safe haven laws, which make it legal for someone to drop a newborn at a safe place so it doesn't end up in a dumpster while Mom boogies at the Prom. Nebraska had no such law so what this young girl did was a crime. So Nebraska, bringing up the rear as usual, decided to do something about it.

The Nebraska Legislature, a one body house, a group of 48 rich ranchers, farmers and lawyers and one barber named Ernie_Chambers who kept them in line put their empty heads together and came up with a Safe Haven Law. The final version of the law, passed out of committee and onto the floor of the unicameral over the objections of the barber, was passed 48-1. It stated that it was now legal to drop a newborn off at a safe place, like a hospital, right up until the newborn was 18. No, not 18 days, or 18 months, but 18 years. The barber, as he's always said since 1970, proclaimed "you will be sorry".

Well, the Barber was correct as usual. The rest of the nation is now using Nebraska as a dog pound. 21 teenagers have been dumped in the last two months by people who can't handle them any longer. One mother drove from Michigan to dump a 14 year old she didn't want any longer. It's getting ridiculous. Even for Nebraska.

Our chinless, diminutive Governor seems to think it's not all that big of a deal. He's too busy keeping 63 year old educators with bad reputations like Bill Ayers (gasp!) out of the state to do anything about this nationwide dumping of kids on our doorstep.

So come on, America, got a smart assed kid you screwed up through lousy parenting? Dump them here in Nebraska. Never mind that Boystown is already here, just drop them off at the hospital and head back home and maybe you can catch the new episode of Super Nanny.

Monday, October 20, 2008

What's The Matter With Minnesota?

The whistling sound you hear is not the cold winds of a Minnesota autumn but the air blowing through the ears of one Michele Bachmann (R-MN). You think Sarah Palin is a dimbulb, you aint heard nuthin' till you've heard this dingbat speak. On MSNBC over the weekend,Representative Bachman told CHRIS MATTHEWS that she wanted the media to investigate every member of Congress to determine who is "pro-america" and who is "anti-american". I assume she believes herself to be on the 'pro-america" side.

What is with these cold weather women politicians? Have they had their brains frozen? Do they need a jump-start? Michele Bachmann once french-kissed George Bush on his way out of the State of the Union speech. Dial it up on youtube.

Minnesota has a rich tradition of really progressive politicians. That is until lately. Jesse Ventura? This airhead? Maybe they right the wrong by sending Al Franken to the Senate. Oh to watch Bill O'Reilly's melon head explode!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Wizards 3 Cavaliers 1!

In the second game of the freaking cold doubleheader, the Cavs were beaten by the Wizards for the second time in a week. That's the way it goes. That's Max third from the right hangin out with the chicks.

Thanks to the coaches and players for a great season. See ya next spring. Go Cavaliers!

Cavs 4 Dragons 1!

That's a yellow card for using a helium filled soccer ball! It's our favorite ref not calling a penalty kick on the Cavs as Max #1 wonders how he's supposed to kick that?

Victories have been rare lately for the Cavs, but in the first game of a chilly doubleheader, the Cavaliers hammered the Dragons 4-1. The only Dragon goal came on , you got it, the 7th penalty kick in 3 games called against the Cavs. Cold, man, cold.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Can We Replace Ayers With A Real American Like G Gordon Liddy?

In the fine tradition of Freedom Of Speech, The University of Nebraska-Lincoln has crawled into the fetal position and cancelled an appearance by everybody's favorite 60's radical, Bill Ayers. Ayers, a University of Chicago professor specializing in improving education, was scheduled to speak sometime in November in Lincoln. However, the shiite hit the fan when the people of this state found out about it. Politicians, a group of people much more hideous than any 40 year old radical group, all began crowing as loudly as they could to stop this invasion of their fine state by this mad bomber. Our chinless, dimunitive Governor, the former liberal scofflaw Attorney General (who once equated gay marriage with "marrying your chair"), the backbenching Congressional delegation, the so-called Democratic Senator and numerous members of the Board of Rodents, errr, Regents all went into apoplexy over this 63 year old guy setting foot in our fine state. So the University cancelled the speech.
Back about 100 years or so, when I was at the university, one Jane Fonda came to town causing a similar temper tantrum by the 1977 version of those weasels we have running things now. Oh no, wait a minute, it didn't. Oh sure, there were some who worried when Jane spoke, their little daughters would move to Hollywood and win an Oscar or something. Hanoi Jane spoke, people applauded, and she went home. No building collapsed. The football stadium, the only thing these people really care about, remained the dump it is today.
The news media created this mess. I would bet that not one of the fine folks who e-mailed death threats to the Chancellor know who Bill Ayers is. That he was never convicted of anything. That he actually regrets many of his actions. But that's not important. The boneheads who make up local news go all Levitra over anything not involving house fires and traffic accidents. They beat this thing into the ground. They showed Ayers' picture. Guess which one they showed? Over and over. They suck. Go back to covering kittens in trees and showing grainy surveillance photos of Kum & Go thieves.

That Pedey Virus May Be Incurable!

Yeah I know, Dr.House couldn't even diagnose the illness that has decimated the Husker football program the last few years, though he has come close enough that he's narrowed it down to a virus out of Pittsburgh. Last week Nebraska played well enough to beat a Top 10 team, Texas Tech, but lost anyway. That virus again. They covered the spread and dropped us to 6-1. Time to jump off the Husker bandwagon as they play at Iowa State.

Iowa is favored by 3 1/2 points over Wisconsin. Iowa shouldn't be favored over anybody, including Nebraska. Take the Badgers and the points.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Joe The Plumber Reacts To Debate 3!

8:17--The old guy starts rambling about the Depression and Hillary and Bob Schieffer steers him back on topic
8:20- Obama brings up the doubling of the deficit in the last 8 years while McCain stares creepily
8:23- Obama mentions Fox News and McCain opens his eyes like somebody just gave him an unexpected colonoscopy
8:26- McCain puts on his best puppy dog eyes to claim how hurt he was by being compared to George Wallace. Somewhere Sarah Palin is asking Todd why was he compared to the Vegas comedian they saw back at the 1996 snow machine convention.
8:30- McCain the Republican with the billionaire wife is whining about how much money Obama is spending. Brings up some guy he made up in his head named Joe the Plumber.
8:34- McCain defends the rednecks at his rallies by stating they wear funny hats and he's proud of them.
8:37- Here we go. Bill Ayers, Acorn and I think McCain just mouthed "Obama is black"
8:39- McCain starts blinking like a madman as he reads Karl Rove's talking points about Ayers
8:43- the old guy starts defending his dingbat running mate.The blinking starts getting more pronounced. I think he's Morse Coding an S-O-S
8:46- Bob Schieffer says "climate control" and McCain corrects him. Schieffer then says we import "60% of our foreign oil". I'm starting to wonder which old guy is more out of it.
8:48- Obama says the most important issue is getting off foreign oil. Starts talking about "geothermal" and actually pronounces "nuclear" correctly. McCain voters glaze over.
8:51- McCain calls Obama "eloquent", then dumbs down what Obama said. McCain voters say yeah.
8:54- As Obama speaks, McCain looks straight ahead and blinks out a love message to Hillary.
8:56- McCain compares Obama to Herbert Hoover. Sarah Palin asks Todd why he compared him to that FBI guy
9:00- McCain starts talking to Joe the Plumber again. Obama looks at him like you do an rambling old uncle.
9:01- Obama talks to Joe the Plumber, McCain gets all jealous and blinks out "stop talking to my imaginary friend and get your own"
9:03-Joe the Plumber turns the channel to the Phillies/Dodgers game as McCain starts talking to him again
9:05- McCain, still talking to Joe, says "Senator Government"
9:08- McCain lies about the Supreme Court "litmus test" on abortion, actually denying it exists. Joe the Plumber busts a gut laughing
9:09- McCain says Obama voted against "Justice Breyer". Justice Breyer was appointed by Clinton. I didn't know the Illinois Legislature voted on Supreme Court justices.
9:10- Obama lies about the "litmus test". Not one human being on earth changes their mind.
9:12- McCain says Obama wants to chase newborn infants around the delivery room with a butcher knife
9:13- Obama calls McCain a liar. McCain raises his eyebrows and puts the creepy grin back on his face
9:17- at least 10 minutes wasted on this nonsensical issue. The Vatican and its cult members are riveted
9:18- as Obama "elouquently" speaks about education, Uncle John sits there blinking uncontrollably and sitting up straight like he really needs to pee
9:20- McCain avoids calling the Obamas "that one and his baby's mama " by referring to him as Senator Obama and Mrs.Obama
9:22- The Vatican and its cult members turn the channel to the Phillies/Dodgers game as nothing irrelevant is being discussed
9:24- McCain says "Warshington" and begins swinging wildly trying to outperform Bob Dole's last stand in 1996
9:26- McCain laughs similarly to the Cryptkeeper
9:27-McCain says "my friendshhh" for the first time in over an hour.
9:28- McCain gets all "mavericky" in his closing statement. Sarah Palin still "palling" around with a terrorist, Todd Palin, a secessionist
9:29- Obama sums it up "elouquently"
9:31- Cindy looks stoned. McCain runs off stage and leaves her alone.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Wizards 2 Cavs 1?????

Max deftly avoids a kick in the soccer balls by an irate female teammate outraged at the first Cav loss of the season. The Wizards outmaneuvered the Cavs in a hard fought game that once again featured the referee who loves calling penalty kicks against the Cavs. 6 in two days? Apparently he also likes giving yellow cards to girls with bobby pins in their hair for "illegal equipment". No doubt he works for a zero tolerance group of some kind.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Please Be Gentle Again This Time!

Last week Missouri beat Nebraska like a rented mule for three quarters and then took a nap to hold on 52-17. This week, Nebraska travels to the dry town of Lubbock, Texas to take on another Top 10 team in Texas Tech. Last time this happened Tech squeaked out a 70-10 victory over a team that wasn't as bad as this year's Husker bunch. Let the pummelling begin.

Last week's bet won as Missouri covered the 11 points to take us to 6-0 on the season. Why jump off the Husker bandwagon now. Texas Tech is 20 point favorites over Nebraska. They'll cover that by halftime. Give the points and take the Red Raiders.

Cavaliers 2 Falcons 2!!

Max is desperately fending off the advances of a hot blonde by punching her in the stomach. No actually, he is attempting to stop her from scoring a goal as the Cavs came from behind twice to manage a tie against the girl-heavy Falcons. Not to sound like a Husker fan, but the referee stunk and the Cavs shoulda woulda coulda won.

Friday, October 10, 2008

The Bridge To Nowhere And Back!

Growing up in Omaha in the 60's and 70's saw a real decline in the downtown area. It was dead, as my Dad used to say. There was an old library, an old courthouse and police station, abandoned warehouses, abandoned stores, and a smelly river. The place was to be avoided at all costs. There was nothing to do.

Then, in the early 1970's, people got embarrassed enough to start making an attempt to revitalize the downtown area. After all, despite the folks who live here who are afraid to go east of 120th Street for fear of being boiled in a pot of water by cannibals, downtown is the heart of a city. They built an outdoor mall, a new library, a new courthouse, a new police station. The powers-that-be remodeled the ancient Orpheum Theater into a fine concert hall. They built up the area known as the Old Market with restaurants and quirky stores. They began a plan to build up the riverfront. Oh, this didn't happen overnight, it took about 25 years, but it happened.

In the last 5 or so years, the riverfront project has moved into overdrive. We have a new concert hall, a new sports arena , and events Omahans had to go to Kansas City or Des Moines to see began to come here.

All this happened despite the small town loudmouths who live here and growl about anything new. Bah Humbug! We didn't have crap, and we liked it. These people are a cancer on any city.

But now, at a cost of $22 million in federal earmarks(gasp!), we have a footbridge leading over the smelly Missouri River that folks can use to walk to Council Bluffs and back. A project much hated by the anti-progress cranks, the conservative cranks, and fat people who can't walk that far, former Senator Bob Kerrey obtained the money to build this bridge and I thank him for it. They named it after him, it's open, and the cranks can just stay home and stew in their Palin-loving juices.

I know it's not the Golden Gate, though one guy has threatened to jump already. but it's ours. If you ever have reason to visit Omaha, take a walk across the Kerrey Bridge, realize you're in Council Bluffs, and walk back. It's great.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Hey Old Man, "That One" Is Kicking Your Ass!

"That one"? The cranky old guy might as well have hollered at "that one" to get off his lawn! Inexcusable, the rudeness and condescension. I hate to be optimistic, since I still have no faith in old white people's sense of fairness, but the young folks, who don't have that color problem, need to get out. If they do, it will be President "That One'!

Monday, October 6, 2008


The crazy wingnut from Alaska came all the way to Omaha (how afraid are they?) to pick up a hockey jersey with the word "Mavericks" and then pretend anybody gives a shiite about UNO hockey around here. Screeching her way through a stump speech in front of 2500 or so fat Republicans, she got the standard reaction of boos by mentioning the New York Times, Bill Ayers, and Katie Couric. Now we all know there weren't 5 people in that crowd who knows who Bill Ayers is (he did something bad when Barak was 8) but they booed on que. I mean come on, other than Bill O'Reilly, who the hell knows who Bill Ayers is? The strategy is clear. Smear the black guy with everything you can throw (check the McCain staffer who dropped the N bomb over the weekend) and hope the feeble-minded buy into it. This is clear. Levi's future mother-in-law (god help that kid) is the messenger of lies.

The kooky dingbat from Alaska went to Floriduh today and gave the same stump speech complete with the boos. But in Floriduh, the boos came with something a bit different. According to the, that liberal rag, somebody got so carried away by Sexy Sarah and her knee-high hooker boots and her Obama bashing, he hollered "Kill Him"! Nice going, pitbull, now you have homicidal rednecks in your crowds.

She scares me. Her crowds scare me. But McBush seems to have sold his soul. Let's hope that he buys it back. Barak Obama may have to rent his soul out for a month or so. If that's how we have to play, that's just too bad. Sarah Palin's witch doctor, her hussy daughter, Todd's business partner , praying the gay away, her traveling circus of a college career, a sportscaster? John McCain's buddy, Charles Keating, his adultery, his brainwashing, his signing of a confession, his temper, it's all out there, true or not. Who cares? They don't.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Cavaliers 4 Dragons 2

Despite the wuss under the blanket, it really wasn't that cold as the Cavs rallied from a halftime 2-2 tie to pull out another win. Max & a fellow male teammate were sitting, preserving their energy, as the girls were raring to get back in and kick some Dragon booty. The guy under the blanket? You make your own joke.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Who Says I Hold Grudges?

And so do the Huskers. Virginia Tech beat the hell out of the Huskers last week (yeah I know 35-30 doesn't look that bad but trust me, it was) and Missouri, all together now, who hasn't won in Lincoln in 30 years, will hammer the Huskers into tiger food this week. We won our Va Tech bet last week to go to 5-0. This week Missouri gives Nebraska 11 points or so. Big deal, make it 20. Nebraska is not good. Missouri rolls. Give the points and watch Jodie Foster blow away thugs on HBO!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Sarah, Plain & Dumb

God, she's just so cute, I don't really care what she says, damn, she's just so adorable. Ok, now that that's out of the way, the Mary Kay lady held her own with Joey Biden last night. By holding her own, I mean she didn't start babbling in tongues and trying to raise money for Levi's hockey team.

She talked about what she was told to talk about no matter what Gwen Iffel asked her. Question 1 say this, 2 say that, 3 say this, throw in the talking to the American people line, ask him if you can call him Joe so you can throw in the Say It Aint So Joe line, quote Reagan, quote Bush, wink, smile, and then, at the end, do that shout out to the third graders. A SHOUT OUT TO 9 YEAR OLDS IN ALASKA? Are you kidding me? This isn't the effing PTA election at Ted Stevens Pork Barrel elementary! It's the Vice Presidency of the United States of America, the most powerful job on earth (at least in this administration). I was only slightly pissed at the face twitching dingbat up to that point. After the shout out to 9 YEAR OLDS IN ALASKA, I was absolutely livid, not at her, but at John McCain for picking this Amway Saleswoman. What the fark were you thinking, gramps? Country First My Ass!

This Avon Lady is a bigger danger to this country than any guy named Mohammed or Al Sadr or Murdoch. She may be a melanoma away from the Oval Office should the inevitable happen. Barak Obama HAS to win this election. He MUST win. If the racists prevail, and Sarah the Lunch Lady gets close, we are done. Shiite, we may already be done, thanks to President Smirk, but I really hate to give up. Maybe this Jesus Christ guy might be worth talking to.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Let's Go To Plan B!!!!

It's starting all over again. It's a waste of your time to care about this team.